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| Blogs > rm_LilMissChz > Lustful Urges |
The Ever Flaming Torch of Lost Love
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The Ever Flaming Torch of Lost Love I will never understand what makes people love and long for someone who doesn't return the affection. We fall in love with abstract people who aren't even real. Fictional characters, cartoons, storybook personas and even real people we've never met. Our hearts soar when their mission is accomplished. Who wasn't happy to see Astronaut Scott Kelly return to Earth after his year in space? And what about the broken hearts left behind. Who among us didn't at some point feel the icy dagger of pain when they learned of Robin William's death. Love and longing are inherently human qualities. But how about the love that was lost. Perhaps closure never came. Death is sometimes easier than life is. With Death there is a finality. But when the love walks away saying 'Everything is okay, I'll be back..." and never returns with no real explanation as to why... there is a loss that is not final. I carried the lost love pain for decades. DECADES!! For the most part, I never talked about him. I didn't speak his name. I told no stories. Because it never really ended for me. That is, until yesterday. For those of you who know me, you know I don't chase after anyone. It's because of this early experience with rejection without explanation that I stopped pursuing. On occasion I had a conquest, but for the most part, I did not do the seeking. I only ever put myself in a position to be sought after. Which is to say that I did not stalk this individual. In the 80's after highschool I attempted contact but it was never reciprocated. So I simply stopped and left it alone. Yesterday while stumbling around twitter I came across his photo quite unexpectedly. Then it rabbit trailed to his wife's Facebook account (which I have now blocked) where there were a few more pictures. I was able to tell a lot from these photos. The teeshirt he was wearing said 'Margaritaville Cozumel'. He was decidedly<b> overweight... </font></b>beyond what I find sexually appealing and attractive. His hairline had receded all the way back, however he had a rim of hair from temple to temple. On a "fat guy" this was not the hairstyle I would have chosen, but hey "not my circus, not my monkeys." The part that got me the most was the wife. She appeared uptight. She didn't look like a fun person at all. She looked like the boss of him. They didn't appear to have equal footing or even the same idea of how to dress as a couple. I'm not saying that's important to do, but it is an indicator of whether or not they were on the same page. Which means, they're probably not even in the same book. He appeared as though he hadn't been laid in awhile. And she did not appear to be the dick sucking kind of girl. I was betting this poor chubby, balding fellow only got one on his birthday, if he was lucky. I kind of want to feel bad for him. Not for his predicament, but because he made his choice. A long time ago he chose not to be with me. Not because he had another, better girl lined up. He just didn't want to be with me. And he's not. He's with some bitchy, high maintenance chick who won't suck his dick. And from the look of him, he's probably desperately trying to get it on the side. At least that's how it appears to me. I dodged a bullet on this one. Totally. And I celebrated the only way I know how. With music, beer and dancing at my local pub. Got drunk celebrating my wonderful boyfriend and my really fun life. It's not all roses and perfect. But it's good. Damn good. And I'm happy that jerk dumped me over 30 years ago.  |
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4/4/2016 3:10 pm |
Hi Lil! I am so glad I found your profile and blog. Your comment about that guy that did not choose you is very insightful - and funny. Personally, I think he was a fool not to choose you. But now he has some uptight woman that looks like she won't suck his dick (I LOVED that). I found it very funny. Lil, you have a way with words and I totally enjoyed reading them. Hope to visit your blog often. By the way, I am moving to Edgewood some time this month. It's closer to my job at APG. Anyway, keep sweet and hopefully we can meet sometime. Take care, Peter
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