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Blogs > trixietrixster > trixie's tales ... :) |
Cemetery Obsessed ...
Cemetery Obsessed ... For the last 5 months, I've been driving 90 minutes there once a week ... I've been doing a smudging cleansing of my moms area in the mausoleum - dispelling the negativity that was brought there my last situation ... continually trying rid myself of the damage that was done my mind, body, soul, spirit and heart, replacing it with good stuff. As I walk in circles, back and forth, the smoke lingers. I wonder myself, perhaps the other souls would like some good energy, some healing. I send some kind vibes their way - just in case ... The last time I went was two weeks ago, at which time I missed her so much ... I wanted so badly be with her. I had thoughts of driving off the road just so that I could hug her. Then I thought myself, she would absolutely go ballistic if I did something so - her had already pretty much taken his own life years ago ... she couldn't even bring herself go the cemetery. I couldn't be that cruel her ... Then, I moved onto my grandfather and brother's grave ... which, in my state of mind, was an extremely bad idea, again, as usual, as my past with them is completely toxic ... another cleansing ... On the way home, I ended up driving my brothers house, and the doctor I was forced to go to at my last situation, as "the warden" didn't like the one I had for over years. Missed my exit a million times - that area just wouldn't let go of me - took me over 2 hours to get out of that clusterfuck - it should have been bout 45 minutes ... "Life Happened" thru no fault of my primary partner of plus years, or mine, and that was used mentally manipulate me. Then, "life happened" again and we were brought back together, which is where I went instead of my apartment ... I knew being myself that nite was absolutely not a good idea. the time I arrived, I was in bad shape. He just couldn't calm me down ... I just keep saying over and over how much I missed my mom and wanted be with her. I settled down after bout 4 hours ... Three days later, I was compelled go again. And, I did ... After the fact, it was at the point, that my primary told me that I'm totally obsessed with going there. At first I was like "no, that's not true". He reminded me of what happened a few days earlier and how despite the unhealthiness of it, I went back again in the same week ... I do like my reflection in this uninhabited grassy section - my long sweater flowing out into the lite breeze... hair in pigtails in my moms memory, as my mom said a million times over - especially when living with me ... "when are you going to stop wearing those" ... 5 years later with pigtails still intact. I for sure wonder how long it will be until another soul resides here. Weird how I mite be standing on someone's grave before they are under it ... strangely, I'll always feel an odd connection to this spot ... I was strongly considering going tomorrow ... tho, the Universe is making it's thoughts and presence known. Even when I don't want to listen to the Great Spirit, or perhaps agree, I keep the faith ... and, this too, shall pass ... In Luv, Lite, Laffter ... |
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I admire your devotion. Embrace the suck
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Does the shadow know? 🤔 ❗❗😎 ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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Sometimes we can’t help but follow our inner voice. If pain or loss is present, the possibility of the message becoming distorted increases. If doing the visits give you solace by all means please continue. But if you feel more troubled and the darker thoughts present , then it’s time to break the pattern. It helps to have someone give an unbiased view point. Therapist or friend, it matters not. What matters is You. Be strong, be good to yourself and above all else enjoy life despite the obstacles placed before you. Living is hard , messy, and just plain damn wonderful. We all need to be reminded once and a while. My name is MrWrong and I approved this comment
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Everyone has their own way to grieve. I hope you find solace in your actions and will know when it’s ok for things to change ☮️.
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This made me cry (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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I know how very much you miss your mom my friend. I know you want to go visit her often, and if I were you I would take a short break maybe a couple of weeks to regroup to think about what's been happening with your thoughts. I want you to know that I am here for you when ever you need to talk, or vent, even if you want to yell know that I will always be here for you.. Hugs my friend.>
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I admire your devotion. In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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Does the shadow know? 🤔 ❗❗😎 In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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Sometimes we can’t help but follow our inner voice. If pain or loss is present, the possibility of the message becoming distorted increases. If doing the visits give you solace by all means please continue. But if you feel more troubled and the darker thoughts present , then it’s time to break the pattern. It helps to have someone give an unbiased view point. Therapist or friend, it matters not. What matters is You. Be strong, be good to yourself and above all else enjoy life despite the obstacles placed before you. Living is hard , messy, and just plain damn wonderful. We all need to be reminded once and a while. In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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Everyone has their own way to grieve. I hope you find solace in your actions and will know when it’s ok for things to change ☮️. In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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This made me cry In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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I know how very much you miss your mom my friend. I know you want to go visit her often, and if I were you I would take a short break maybe a couple of weeks to regroup to think about what's been happening with your thoughts. I want you to know that I am here for you when ever you need to talk, or vent, even if you want to yell know that I will always be here for you.. Hugs my friend.> In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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I understand the down side. But I also know how many people forget too. Embrace the suck
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I understand the down side. But I also know how many people forget too. In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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