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| Blogs > trixietrixster > trixie's tales ... :) |
8 Hours ...
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8 Hours ... I had an infection develop over the holiday weekend, which was very concerning. Thoughts keep going thru my mind - wondering if the docs would still go ahead with cutting me open as scheduled. By Tuesday morning, it was really bad, to the point where I just showed up at my docs office at like 8:45 am. I was trying to be as calm as I could. Tho, when they told me my doc wasn't there, that he was in surgery, this wasn't so good. Of course, I asked to see another doc, tho, apparently, Tuesday mornings are surgeries. I pretty much went into a panic attack, my hot flashes started. It didn't take long for the effects of not taking Black Kohash to come back - just a few days . How I can't wait to start taking this again! This can't happen soon enuf. The girls in the office were very much concerned for me - they sat me down and gave me water. It was fairly embarrassing, tho, all I could think of is I need this poison out of my body. All of it. The office manager told me that she would try to get in touch with my doc before he went into surgery. My tiny hands were trembling, the cup of water I was holding, not too steady. She told me that my doc hadn't gone into surgery yet and she took me down to see him. He was so good to me - looked at where the new poison was starting to seep thru. He always comments that for someone who enjoys being whipped and stuff, he finds my tolerance to this, or lack of, rather interesting. Then, without fail, he follows up with "rite - you are only into good pain" - and he laffed. This make me smile as he checked out my new boo-boo. He started me on antibiotics and told me that we are still good for Friday. Thank fucking gawd - this has been planned for weeks. I so desperately want him to cut it out all at once. He is just reluctant, he absolutely refuses. Before I could even get the sentence out, he was like no way. The logical person in me gets it - too much bad blood at once - too many incisions at once - too many stitches at once. The emotional person is me doesn't care bout the slew of bad blood, the tons of incisions, or how many stiches. She just wants the poison gone. Sucks that in a like a few months I am going to have to go thru this all again. I have like some kind of auto immune system thingy going on for the past 10+ years. Poison gets trapped in my body and has no way of releasing itself except to pop up thru my skin. It's very painful, BAD PAIN. It either goes back into my body and hangs out, or heads rite for my bloodstream. Since I have been going thru this for so long, I know the signs and my body, I know when it's time to get it cut out. This is bout like the 20th time or so that it's pretty severe. Hopefully, the wounds won't have to be cleaned. It's pretty nasty. Tho, if so, my hubby will sing "You Are My Sunshine" to me as he tends to them, while I cry, just like all the other times. This time my doc mentioned possibly having to consult with a plastic surgeon while I am under. This is not really what I wanted to hear. It's impossible to say, as he is cutting where I have been sliced before a few times. No way to say until they see how much and how deep the poison is. Oh, good fucking lordy ... Settled in for the nite and all arrangements are made. I had to promise several people that I won't be resistant - that I won't dare put back on my "cape" for a few days. Well, it's more like a week to 10 days, barring any complications. As always, I can't even comprehend being out of commission for 1 day. 10 days - this is extremely problematic for me - extremely. This is why I don't make a habit of making promises. They aren't supposed to be broken - at least by me. But, yeppers, I promised. It will be a struggle - life doesn't stop. Seem to think I am supergirl or something. Most days I am. For the next, at least 7, I won't be anywhere near close. This doesn't sit well with me - already feeling anxious. Since I do have to make the best of it, I dug out my coloring books, crayons, markers and colored pencils to keep me company. Plus, I will do some writing and organize my pics. All my piercings are out, the plastic spacers are in. The tops are like so meniscal - like the size of the eye of a needle. The piercer couldn't get my hood piercing top on. I tried to do this. Epic fail! Uuuummm - I am my own slip and slide ... My D/s Mommy is taking me to the hospital and waiting with me, then staying over to help take care of me. She has to leave uber early on Saturday morning, so one of my D/s sisters will be coming at like 10 am to stay with me for the day, possibly overnite. It's a lot on my hubby - he works like 80 hours a week. He has a brain issue, so, I didn't want to add any more stress to him. Excess stress could cause him to have a seizure. He is an amazing man and takes good care of me the best he can. His work hours are ungawdly - he does this for me - so that I only have to work part time. So that I can go skool. Volunteer my time to help others. Take care of my mom so she doesn't have to go into a home. He is pretty fucking awesome and I am very blessed. *Side note - any other man who comes into my life must also be pretty fucking awesome and bring only all good stuff into my life. I always wonder what if I don't wake up. Sure, realistically, the chances of this aren't very high. Murphy and his law enjoy fucking with me - guess my "small dose" theory doesn't phase him. I do suspect that he still has plans for me in this lifetime. This time tomorrow, I will have some relief, at least for awhile, from the poison that constantly invades my body. This time tomorrow, I will be even more thankful for my life and those in it. I find it always helps me to make sure those who surround me know how important they are to me - how much I luv them - how much I appreciate them. Never do I take anyone or anything for granted. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow - only today ... Time to masturbate in a bit - LOL - should help my anxiety!   In Luv, Lite, Laffter ... |
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You know your in my thoughts and prayers, and everything is going to be okay and I can't wait until your all better.. Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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