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A message to the bi-curious female half of couples (by Xin)
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A message to the bi-curious female half of couples (by Xin) ** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven** My husband and I both have backgrounds in therapy and counseling, so we have made quite a habit out of people watching when we are out at clubs, not only because we are scanning the room for potential play partners, but also because we like to try and figure everything out around us. One thing that I have noticed so far with other couples that we have encountered is that there tends to be a pretty big difference between women who choose to label themselves as bi-curious and women who choose to label themselves as bi-sexual - or I guess I should say that there is something I've noticed about the male halves of the couples with women who have decided that they are one way or the other. Not always, but often when the woman tells me that she is bisexual, this means one of several things: 1) she wants to play with me and only me (which alienates Xac, so I won't do that to him because he doesn't do that to me); 2) she wants to play with me while our husbands watch and then we just have sex with our own partners - THAT ONE IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES (the ladies that are certain they are into women tend to make me... um, more liquefied than others? Lol; 3) she wants to play with me for a while, and then once everyone is all worked up we will see where the night takes us (which we all know is polite code for swap, lol). This last scenario has also worked out fine, as long as her man isn't waiting in the wings looking at his watch and impatiently awaiting when it's his turn - once again gentlemen, I am far more concerned about getting together with your wife than I am with you, so your impatience will get you nowhere. Where I feel like we tend to run into more problems is with the bi-curious female (and often the behind the scenes role of her male partner. When the woman tells me that she is bi-curious, this also means one of several things: 1) she is a straight girl who has endured the secret code word that her man told her she would just need to say a few times in order for them to gain access to Swap City - I FIND THIS VERY FRUSTRATING; 2) she genuinely is starting to question her sexuality and the term bisexual seems like an awfully big leap just because she finds herself staring a little differently at other women from time to time. I am absolutely not going to hate on this group either, having been one of these women not very long ago myself (but I will say that I didn't spend too long in this category before I was ready to<b> upgrade </font></b>to the full bisexual package, lol - so if you are struggling with certainty, you might just be straight or what some people call heteroflexible). The classic examples of heteroflexible are the girls who make out with each other to get guys' attention at parties - they are comfortable doing it, but if it didn't gain them any ground with the gender they are much more into, they would never do it); 3) she is a woman that just loves her man SO MUCH that she thinks she would do anything to make him happy, even including another woman - or so she thinks, until she freaks out while in the middle of a swinging scenario, leaving everyone else present to feel super weird like they somehow did something wrong when it wasn't their issue at all. This one just makes me want to yell at the man, because we all know how this woman got to this place in her life, and it wasn't because of a lack of pressure coming from her husband or boyfriend. Ladies, if you are just beginning to consider your sexuality and your significant other is already talking about swinging and all of the various swap scenarios that you can get into, you need to stop and have a serious conversation with the man before things go any further. Otherwise, some very difficult and potentially embarrassing situations await you on that swing horizon that you just don't see yet. I have seen one of these situations personally, but being the people watchers that my husband and I are, we also tend to notice this phenomenon as it happens with other couples around us, especially because a high majority of the time one of these instances is immediately followed by the couple leaving the club in an angry hurry, earlier than they had originally intended to leave. It's a different sort of walk of shame. The look on the woman's face is like she's a HUGE disappointment, and the look on the man's face is like she had done something wrong, and this drives me crazy. No woman should be made to feel this way while she is in the midst of such a potentially confusing time in her life because of her sexuality already. Never forget that, and if your man doesn't appreciate that then I promise you that there are plenty of other men (or women) who will, so don't let him convince you that pretending to be something that you're not is the only way you will ever deserve a strong relationship. Xac didn't do this to me, and this is why my "coming out" process was so easy. Figuring that kind of stuff out is much easier when they only thing you have to worry about is processing your own thoughts and emotions. 
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