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Hygiene
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Hygiene So...there I was..... years ago, when I was first a member on this site, I had been chatting up a girl for a while, and things progressed to having her come over one night. Wahoo! Self high-five! However, when she arrived, things weren't as awesome as I would have hoped for. Now, I am a pretty clean guy. I normally shower once a day or twice when I go to the gym. When I go out on a date....yeah, a good shower is in order. If I hadn't that day, I will shave. My nails are clipped and clean and void of jagged edges. I man-scape and will touch up any place that needs to be addressed. That is just a regular date. Now...for a date for the sole purpose is to meet up and fuck...I doubly make sure everything is right, and clean and ready for a good time. I thought this was the norm? This girl comes over...immediately, I could smell the chicken fast food fried grease smell on her. No need to guess what or where she last ate ..... When we moved to the bedroom a time later and clothes came off...my nose was immediately assaulted by what could only be described as the dumpster behind a fish cannery. Still young, dumb and wanting to get my groove on...we started to get busy. Another bad decision, I started out going raw. Two reasons why bad decision: 1: unknown STD status... 2: When I stopped to put the rubber on a couple minutes later...I had to touch my now foul smelling dick. As I put on the rubber, I looked down at my lil buddy...and I swear...if he could talk, he would say: WHY?!!?!? WTF have I done to deserve this?????? I'm surprised I was able to keep it up.... It could have been a great time, except in the back of my mind, I kept picturing a fog enclosed wharf with the sound of a lonely fog horn off in the distance. Evidently, that was the girl moaning...(At least she was enjoying herself...so...take one for the team high-five!) Eventually....we finished. Thank God she wasn't a snuggler...she rolled over and went to sleep....I went to the bathroom and with great amounts of TP, removed my condom and washed off...and crept back to bed...taking a 'Crying Game' fetal position on my side. The next morning, I woke, peed and put my shorts back on...cause now my junk smelled like her... And...it seemed to take an act of<b> divine </font></b>intervention to get her to leave. She was babbling on about something after I mentioned that I had to get started to head to the office... In my mind....I was screaming: GET.THE.FUQ.OUT! Finally! She left. Immediately...I sprang into action! Sheets and comforter ripped from my bed and put into the wash with a healthy dose of bleach. Color be damned! Lysol'ed the room, windows open (was winter, didn't care) I had to exercise the demon! Then took a LONG and HOT shower...and triple scrubbed everything... Purged. Moral of the story: If you are going on a date...and especially a date with the sole purpose of getting naked and fucking...please....SHOWER. And that's....how the cookie crumbles.... |
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True store.... A lady talked a great game in the chat room....all the men were vying for her attention. One of my friends (yes, a real life friend) won her approval for a meeting. He prepared himself, properly, for a night of lust. Took her out for nice dinner, drinks. relaxing evening. Get back to hotel, she excused herself, and he is anxiously waiting for the festivities to begin. As they start to get into things. he noticed her privates were like a debris field.....several days worth. Ruined his uhmmmmm...appetite. To this day whenever we see him, we have to ask if he has been exploring any debris fields.
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