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A Different Kind Of Xmas Experience
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A Different Kind Of Xmas Experience My response to a post by KMD [post 3743488] got me thinking about some of my Xmas experiences, but they are not what you would call traditional. During the 80s I worked, mostly as second jobs, in Xmas tree lots. A woman I was seeing (an FWB before there were FWBs), worked for the parents of the guy who owned the lots. I met the guy, Moe, who was not much older than me (5 years at most); we talked and got along pretty well. Since I wasn’t working that first year (’81 IIRC) I took the cash job working mostly from about noon-ish till 10 PM-ish. It gave me AMs to do my regular job search  . The job started a bit before Thanksgiving with setting up the lot (porta-office, electrics, etc), unloading truckloads of trees (from Oregon IIRC) and getting large trees to and setup at the commercial accounts he had. He covered a lot of his expenses before the lot even opened to the public with those commercial accounts – smart guy. The first week was usually a butt buster because we were “humping” a lot of trees off the trucks – that was the hardest week or 2 of the job. If you didn’t catch a tree right it could really hurt  . The good thing about the beginning was – at the end of the day he came up with a good meal for the guys. He paid something above minimum wage to most of the people there. I started as a lot guy and the backup/# 2 delivery driver. A ‘lot guy’ prepped trees (cut the base clean and perpendicular, hammer on the wooden base and water tray) for sale. Moe preferred women to do the sales and yeah he had his eye on a couple each year. About half way into the first season I realized the delivery driver deal was where the money was. He only paid minimum to the delivery driver, but a good delivery guy got very good tips because the lot was near Beverly Hills (not in BH cause they wouldn’t allow it). Since I knew the West Hollywood/BH are pretty well I could lay out a good route that would get me back quickly and able to do a lot of deliveries which was a big deal for the customers there. My driving skills didn’t hurt either.  There was only one delivery vehicle, an old dark blue, very basic, beat to crap 70s Chevy van, it looked like something an axe murderer would drive around in. The drivers door didn’t open so I had to either get in via the passenger side or through the sliding door or through the drivers window. Luckily the heater worked very well – it was a pos but it always started and ran good. Part of the driver’s job was to pick up the food for the evening meals. Sometimes, when we were swamped, it would just be pizza. Other times Moe would do a BBQ kind of thing. For the BBQs I would go to the local market and pick up steaks and whatever else Moe had in mind. There was always a 6 pack of beer for the marinade he concocted for the steaks. The market was in BH and a number of actors shopped there. For instance; one day I was in the produce section and noticed Leslie Neilson (Airplane) picking out some produce. So I walked up and grabbed a couple onions or something, then turned toward him and said with a totally straight face “Don’t call me Shirley” and walked away. I can’t imagine what he was thinking when this semi--ish looking guy (I looked kind of like the Judd Nelson character in “Breakfast Club”) walked up to him, with a basket load of meat and beer etc. said that line and just walked away. When I looked back he was just staring at me with a kind of WTF-ish  look on his face. Meanwhile back at the lot, the steaks marinated for hours before the grilling began. The grill was an old 55 gal drum cut in half and hinged, with rebar for the grilling surface. Along with some split wood we would burn everything that would burn and it also served as a heater when standing outside at night. We ate very well there. Another weird, but profitable, thing happened too. One year we were very close to a shopping mall so there was lots of foot traffic. It was the year Cabbage Patch dolls were the big thing and all you heard about was ‘Cabbage Patch this, Cabbage Patch that’. One day I’m taking a break and had a piece of a cut off tree bottom in my hand (the cut offs were only about 2” tall and one end was flat). Also on the ground were pieces of branches and I picked up one and sort of stuck the branch onto the base piece held it up and declared it a “Cabbage Patch tree”. A minute later I kind of wondered if there was something there so I made a “better” version, which looked kind of OK. I walked up to Moe and said “Cabbage Patch trees” . . . “2 bucks each”. He looked at me kind of sideways and said “make 10 and put them on a table on the main aisle of the lot” with a sign that said “Cabbage Patch Trees – 2 for $5 – $3 each”. The first 10 were gone within an hour. The little loved them  and mom or dad couldn’t say “no” to only $5. I cut a deal with Moe for the idea and I got a dollar a “tree” and ended up with about an extra $200 that year.One last thing. Beginning the third or fourth year I was managing a second lot Moe opened. One AM I was opening the gates and a woman wearing sweat pants, a wide brimmed hat, sunglasses and little/no makeup strolled in. She spoke softy and asked about getting 3 trees. One large (12+ ft) and two 6 ft (IIRC), picking the 12+ was hard cause she wanted one, I think it was a Spruce, that was fuller then what we had. I told her we could make a tree fuller if she wanted and showed her how and how much. She removed her sunglasses and looked kind of familiar  . She liked that we could do the “surgery” for her. Next we went to pick out the 6 ft trees, she chose a couple and asked that one be tagged “for Chastity’s room” – et voila. I knew who she was and she realized I had too – it was Cher, as in Sonny and . . . But being from SoCal I was aware that “celebs” usually weren’t fond of being outed in public when in “disguise”. We went into the office to write up the sale, plus delivery, where I told her I had liked her acting in “Silkwood” which had been out not long before. She smiled and said thank you.That night I took a guy with me to deliver Cher’s trees to her house up in Benedict Canyon (where I had earned my first speeding ticket a decade before  ). We pull up to a gate in the beater van; tell the voice who we were and the gate opens. We drive up a longish driveway past grass that looked like each blade was cut to exactly the same height. As we get to the house it looks like some sort of 3-story marble Egyptian temple kind of thing with a huge front door . Since we couldn’t get out of the sliding door we crawled out of the passenger door window. As I land on my feet I turn to see 2 dogs coming at us at light speed, all I saw was the business end (a.k.a. teeth) coming at us – we froze. Then we heard a woman (not Cher) call out to the dogs, in German sounding names, they stopped on a dime. For all I know they were named Schultz and Adolph. The front door opened and she waved us in. The main foyer was huge and had a lot of art and ceramic bowls/vases displayed. Having been in some other high dollar houses for deliveries the first thing I did was ask the lady to move any that were in the path we were going to be taking the trees on. She sort of started to decline when Cher came down a stairway and asked her to move the valuable items.Once we placed to big tree the other guy put the other 2 trees in their places. I had to brace up the big one a bit, which was a PITA because it had been flocked and was awkward to get under. Cher just kind of watched me fix it up and I assured her it would not be any problem for them. She walked us to the door and as we said goodbye she handed each of us an envelope and we said thank you very much. When we drove off the property we opened the envelopes – each one had a $200 “tip” . Cher came to the lot 3 times over the years I was worked there, I delivered trees to her house each time and got huge tips each time.I worked at the lot for about 8 seasons in all. For the most part it was fun and I made enough to pay bills, get gifts for people, and had left over cash for other things. Here’s Hoping Everyone Has An Excellent Holiday Season. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. |
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great story, who knew Cher digs trees? Groovy Baby lol A story by Lucius8858
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Lovely story....she is one of my favourite singers....think I can top you though....I met the Beatles once....when I was very young.  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Lovely story....she is one of my favourite singers....think I can top you though....I met the Beatles once....when I was very young. ~~Anais Nin~~
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Very cool story, thanks for sharing.  . Have an XLNT Holiday SeasonWhen the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Very cool story, thanks for sharing. Drop in and visit my blog sometime, but you'll probably regret it
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True, she almost defines famous-ness. Have an XLNT holiday When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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The Cabbage Patch trees were brilliant. What is IIRC? I've never come across that acronym before. IIRC means If I Recall Correctly Have an XLNT holiday When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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It was the weirdest of times . . . and fun too When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Great story, redrock! It brought back memories for me, too. I never sold Christmas trees, and I don't remember ever touching anyone famous, but I got arrested once in West Hollywood. Oh, the memories! When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Thanks for sharing, that was really cool to read.  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I like when you tell us stories. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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The Cabbage Patch trees were brilliant. What is IIRC? I've never come across that acronym before. Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.
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Great story, redrock! It brought back memories for me, too. I never sold Christmas trees, and I don't remember ever touching anyone famous, but I got arrested once in West Hollywood. Oh, the memories! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thanks for sharing, that was really cool to read.
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Nice Christmas stories! Thanks for sharing, red! Read RESPECT WE all NEED to do Better and Re Petition to Stop Transsexuals from Using Female Profiles
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