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Saying no thank you ...tactfully!!!
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Saying no thank you ...tactfully!!! Tonight, I had to say no for the umpteenth time to an ex lover. While we were lovers many years ago, it truly does not matter if we were a committed long term relationship (which it was not) a short term fling or a one night stand (bingo - closest of the options listed). A few months ago she called to ask me for my professional opinion. We set up a meeting and talked business for about a hour. During our meeting, which was about a week after her call, she suggested that we should social meet up from time to time since we were friends. I kindly demurred. I even clarified that she might want to have someone else handle her business issue, so there was no misunderstanding. She assured me she wanted me to help her with her business issue. Several weeks after our meeting and a half dozen emails and texts from her, it dawned on me she was not moving forward on the business front, I called her and she explained it was due to a change of management in her company and things seemed to have straightened out. I thanked her for asking me to step in and help and wished her the best i her endeavors, she invited me to dinner at her place and I gracefully turned her down, this was August 2016. In September 2016, she invited me to fly to Thailand and Vietnam with her. She called me to tell me her travel partner could not make it and she could change the name on the trip for a minimal cost to her and -0- cost to me. Again, I wished her a safe trip and told her I could not go, it would not be appropriate nor feasible for us to spend that much time, outside of a business relationship. Upon her return, she has contacted me by phone or email/text at least once a week. Tonight she called me, let a message saying that she had made "gumbo" (she is a southern girl) and left it with my doorman (security guy at my building) while I was at the USC/ Pepperdine Basketball game. This has moved off the scale of being "fatal attraction" or being friendly and neighborly, this is downright sad. I had to call her tonight when I got home and to tell her thank you for thinking of me and the food, yet please do not do that again.... while I was on the phone with her, the doorman (night desk security guy) just knocked on my door with a wrapped holiday gift from her. WTF.... How do you ask someone to stop that kind of action, without being a complete dick? "Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don’t have time.” |
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At this point? Screw being tactful, she either doesn't get it or is playing dumb. mail the gift back with an index card on top saying, "No thank you, I am not interested in you, please do not contact me again". after you do that, block her number in your phone, block her email, block her any other way hat she can reach you. If she's batshit crazy enough to just show up at your home, that's when you call the cops. Once should only have to say no thank you one time.
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By returning her gifts and tactfully and honestly telling her that you are not interested in her that way anymore, and her continued gifts are making you uncomfortable. Do so in person, face to face, but at a "safe" neutral-ground meeting place, like a park. (Not a restaurant, as any hint of food, drink, or entertainment may lead to false expectations.) Sometimes you have to step up and be a dick, just not a complete one. And yes, more than likely no matter what you do, you will be "the bad guy". Goodness knows what may happen. Just hold your head up high, be patient, let her vent, and above all, do not respond. Which is a hard thing to do when being maligned and even harder when it is for no good or sensible reason. And if really getting a bad vibe, and if in a location where it is legal to do so, have a friend lurk in the shadows with a recording device. (Cell phones are so handy these days! Words With Friends? Nope. Private eye.) Because sometimes when fecal matter and blades meet, and to the police things break down to he said/she said, it helps to have a) witnesses and b) evidence. But I hope no one ever really needs to take things that far. Even an herb as sweet as basil is nothing without its bite. Lord Basil
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First of all find a way to return the gift but NOT in person. Second, I think you have been more than polite Third I think you need to tell it like it is- I am not interested- please do not contact me in any way. I like you I respect you but I AM NOT INTERESTED (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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