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Mean People Suck
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Mean People Suck After having been active in the lifestyle about a year and a half, we (my wonderful partner, best friend, love of my life, and I ) have had some really good experiences and some that were not quite so good. Shortly after I dipped my toes into the lifestyle for the first time since I joined this site, a friend in the lifestyle had a life changing experience. From the showing of support she received from so many of her friends in the lifestyle, I thought that was how all individuals in the lifestyle treated each other, which was one of the things that really attracted me to the lifestyle and made me want to jump further into it. A couple years ago I heard tells of how the groups in the area got together and had great parties and I very much wanted to be a part of that. However, I have no desire to attend parties where individuals are uncomfortable because they are expected to participate or even watch something they are not comfortable with. Dennis and I have hosted some very fun parties where no one was pressured to do anything they weren't comfortable with but play areas were available. These type of parties we thought were the kind individuals wanted. However at the Halloween party it was brought to my attention, as I wandered through the house, that a couple individuals didn't think the party was going the way they wanted because there wasn't enough sexual activity or nudity for their tastes. I had to remind myself that not everyone is in the same place I am in the lifestyle, so this was something that was normal and natural to them. However my feelers were hurt. No one else in a full year of parties had insinuated that we hosted lousy parties. After processing things in my head that night and the next morning, I asked the guest that had crashed at the house if we really we really had hosted a lousy party that people didn't enjoy. I was once again reminded that the individuals with the negative comments hadn't been to any of our previous house parties and they were definitely at a different place in their experiences in the lifestyle. They are used to being the object of everyone's attention and the level of attention they were accustomed to was not there for them. In the last few months, I personally have had a rude awakening and have realized that not everyone has the same human kindness in their heart. I didn't realize that we were divided by which groups we are members of, instead of basic human caring and compassion. Recently we learned that another of our lifestyle friends is having a life changing experience and the same individuals that talked about how much of a dud our parties were, seem to refuse to use their group and its members as a means to gather support for a fellow lifestyle member. I am ashamed because I assumed everyone has a kind caring empathetic heart that wants to be a support to one another, even if they may not necessarily be a part of a certain group. I am sure that there are still those out there like the majority of the people I have encountered in my journey in the lifestyle. I am learning fast that there are also individuals in the lifestyle that appear to be in the lifestyle to stroke their ego. Since they won't lift a finger to help a friend, I for one won't jump to their defense to assist those kinds of people when things go south. Nastynancy22 |
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They sound like really shitty people that only care about getting their egos (amongst other things) stroked and don't care about people or friendships, which is what I always believed was an important part of the lifestyle in my experience.
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No matter how kind you try to be, there will always some people who ruin the fun, IF they didn't enjoy it they could have found a better way of addressing it, It is a sad part of life we all have to deal with,
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First and foremost; don't take things so personally. As in everyday life; you will find people in the lifestyle that are different individuals each having differing expectations and personalities. You have to expect to run into people that do not think exactly as you do or have the same kindness that you have; just as in the outside world. Once you get comfortable with that; do not be so thin skinned that they influence your emotions. You are the one who controls how you react to their words; you have the control that way. If anyone is disappointed in how you run your house parties then that means that they did not do their homework and get to know you as an individual. You have certainly espoused the type of person you are in many posts and they should be able to see that easily if they took a little time. The beauty of this lifestyle and the different groups is that there is an opportunity to find people that fit in with your needs and wants; you just have to exert some effort to find them. I appreciate anyone who goes to the time and effort to host a party whether it is small or large. I go with the flow and do not bad mouth the hosts because they did not cater to my exact ideas or fantasies; that is on me to do that. In the end; I am just saying let it roll off your back when someone is critical as you cannot possible meet everyones' exact expectations at any given moment. Enjoy those who appreciate you and let the others fall by the wayside to form their own circle of friends; if they can. this is not kindergarten where people have to choose sides; we can all blend in with others if we truly are open minded and make any sort of effort. Don't analyze too much and don't let unwarranted criticisms affect you.
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Nancy, sad to hear you have had a bad experience. Some people just don't appreciate the effort a person puts out to host a part, nor do they have ture understanding of the intimate friendship that is offered. Just let these ungrateful idividuals find their own way, they will either get a clue or not. Who needs them! Stay true to established friends and selectively choose new friends which pass your way. -- Jon 
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You are a truly beautiful person Nancy. Forget those who don't revel in that.
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