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Blogs > echodivy > My Blog

2017  

echodivy 31F
Ask me for a photo
35 posts
10/5/2017 10:48 am
2017

Wow.

My blog posts go back a few years. I cant believe how time has flown.

I am still alive. Sort of. For now.

I dont even know how to bring you up to date. Let me see.

Crimson Lover: She is still my distant friend. We dont talk much.

My 'boyfriend': Now Ex boyfriend. Major Asshole.

Best Friend: Married to another woman and happy. I am happy for him.

Ex-Boss: Moved across the country. Not around anymore.

It is me and the dog.

My mothers cancer is terminal now, spread throughout her body. My father has confirmed that he is going to commit suicide when she dies. Has also disowned me.

My job is... awful. I am plagued with panic attacks and self loathing.

You know what they would call this, if we didnt live in a 'modern world'?

Natural Selection.

If people were not so determined to keep me alive, the earth would have taken me back by now. I am the sick wolf at the back of the pack. The fish who cant swim. The three-legged gazelle.

I havent decided if I Can take my own life or not.

The posters and media say 'oh my god, suicide is so selfish.'

I dont feel selfish. I feel pain.

And I think its human nature to want pain to stop.

But then again... I called my dad selfish for telling me he was going to leave.

He chose death over his . After all these years of telling me to be strong. I am confused. Was he strong?

Am I strong? Is strength eliminating pain at any means necessary? Is it grinning through the pain and pretending it isnt there?

This world is broken.

I feel broken.

I need help.

Johncarr1069 61M
3 posts
10/5/2017 10:52 am

 Staying alive gives you chance at being happier some day, death is truly an end. Please call Suicide hotline.


genghiskhan1985 39M
23 posts
10/6/2017 8:05 pm

 Hey little one. Just saying, but i'm still hanging around from time to time. Feel free to send a message if you feel like it. AS always, we'll talk.

I'm there for ya


SingleItalianGy2 52M
1205 posts
11/22/2017 10:26 pm

 You know where to find me if you need to talk about anything. Wishing I could wrap you in my arms and tell you everything is gonna be all right. Miss you


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