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Happiness
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Happiness What is it, anyway? I suffer from clinical depression, which basically means my brain is conspiring against me. Nobody knows what exactly causes it or even really how to effectively treat it, although we have some ideas. For the past year or so I've been on a medication that is effectively managing my depression, which is a life changing thing in many ways. I don't have prolonged, random bouts of darkness and despair anymore. I function day to day almost exactly like your bog standard neurotypical human, and it's amazing. It really is, I really wish everybody who suffers from this disease could feel like this, even if only for awhile. But I still wonder if I'm happy. I've spent so much of my life in soul crushing blackness that I've never been really sure what happiness even is. For awhile I thought happiness was just the absense of depression. I figured that once the darkness went away that what remained must be happiness. But is it? Surely that's just "being normal." And while it's pretty magical for someone who has spent most of their life in that darkness, surely that's not what people mean when they say they're happy? One time a therapist asked me to describe the last time I felt happy and I realized I couldn't. I realized I couldn't even decide if I'd ever really been happy. I think about opening presents on Christmas morning when I was a . Surely that made me happy? I think it did. I remember delight at the anticipation. I remember the rush of finally seeing what was under the wrapping paper. I remember the fun of playing with new toys. I was happy, wasn't I? Is that all happiness is? A fleeting emotion? If so, why do people describe themselves as happy? Or describe their life situation as being happy? Do they really feel that Christmas morning giddiness all the time? I think that can't possibly be true. And yet... So many people don't believe that depression is a real thing. That some people are caught in the darkness and the despair all the time. But we are. I know that's a fact from experience. So tell me. Are you happy? What's it like? |
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For me being happy is being surrounded by good people, to help you through the tough times when life throws you lemons. It is feeling content with your lot in life. Seeking out pockets of pleasure, things that you enjoy, treating yourself. Happiness comes in many guises for me,, a walk on the beach, a new pair of shoes, helping others, spiritual thoughts, planning a vacation, reading a book, a glass of champagne, sexy times...my list could go on. Be happy in your thoughts and I think life becomes manageable.
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Surround yourself with happy positive people and it can make a world of difference of how you feel. Negativity really brings down a person suffering from depression at a faster pace than someone that doesn't deal with depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain that needs to be treated. As you stated, with the proper medications and possibly talk therapy, you have felt better over the last few years. Also, don't close yourself off from the world. Go places, do things and surround yourself in places that make you happy, people that make you happy, people that accept you or who you are. Whether it be smiling children on a beach, exuberant hikers on a mountain, people grunting in a gym as they work out, a zoo with cute fuzzy little animals running around. Search for you inner peace and then incorporate it into your life. One of my favorite things to do while in that low place is take a trip down to York to Nubble Light. Sit on the rocks with a great book at peace with the ocean and the earth and watch my surroundings. People watch, surfers, divers, all the lively birds on the rocks and water. It's my slice of heaven on earth. What not to do, surround yourself with darkness and sadness and lonesomeness, Great question and I hope you receive some answers that will help you.
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You wrote this over a couple of weeks ago, so I'm not certain if you'll see the comment, but I'll give you my two cents anyways. Happiness is being content with what life has to offer and smiling at the really special things that come along. It isn't easy when things get off track, when failure stares you in the face, or when a relationship goes sour. But change is a part of life, and changes can bring amazing things our way. But happiness is also looking at comments someone makes on twitter and writing a what-was-he-thinking blog about them. We find our joy where we can. Depression is real. Medications can help to clear the worst of its symptoms, but you need to build happiness beyond that. Happiness coming in a pill form hasn't happened yet. The closest they've come to that through medical intervention has been the full frontal lobotomy. We don't want to go there. Best of luck!
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