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Blogs > Sexpatriate > My Blog

J's Ramblings... Where I Kiss and Tell  

Sexpatriate 40F
42 posts
6/11/2014 5:21 pm
J's Ramblings... Where I Kiss and Tell
The door bell woke me up this morning, I knew some alarm people were coming to the house this morning to check whatever they check annually, having had a late night sleep last night (no perverts, not what you are thinking) I finally managed to drift to sleep about 5 am this morning and then out of the blue 'tang ....tang' the door bell rang, I seriously thought I was imagining things, but being the smart ass that I am, I knew it was the alarm people... anyway.. got up and dragged myself to the door.

Oh... I need to mention that I wore to bed, an oversize baggy tracks, an old T shirt, I wore a pair of sock, put on my robe and a beanie on my head, if you are wondering what all this look like in the mirror, answer is not flattering at all, I looked like an homeless sex starved female..

Fast forward to the door, without looking, I opened the door and BAM!! standing outside was a cocktail of Channing Tatum,Michael Vartan, Simon Baker, and a thin slice of David Beckham and maybe throw a bit of George Clooney for his smile effect and a dash of Johnny Depp for his one single tat (at least that I could see) 'Solace' and this was the conversation that went between us

Man: hello my name is 'xxx'
Me: nod
Man: you are J?
Me: nod
Man: I am from xxx and I am here to check your alarm
Me: nod
Man: can I come in
Me: nod
Man: thank you
Me: nod

I lead the way to the alarm and he mounted the wee ladder and started working.. I stood opposite watching him

Man: how many rooms do you have here
Me: (point at two rooms)
Man: you don't talk much do you
Me: nod... I just got out of bed and ....

Idiot if I knew they were going to send someone this MANLY, I would have at least be ready and here I was standing looking at this beautifully made man with a giant watermelon hanging nicely in my throat..

Man: that's done, please sign here (I did), Thanks would you please get
the door (I did), Thanks, enjoy your day (I nod)

Back in my bedroom, what the hell just happened? out of habit I checked my phone and found a missed call and voicemail, I played the voicemail

'hello this is xxx from xxx, I am standing outside your door, I have an appointment today .......' i didn't wait, it was Mr Macho, I got out my other mobile, feigning ignorance I called ....(yeah bitch finally got her voice back)

Me: hello, I got a missed call from this number and calling back
Man: hi J, it is xxx I just left your house

(I was moon-walking on the inside, he remembers my name)

Me: oh hi, sorry I was literally sleep walking when you came by
Man: it's okay, sorry it was a bit early, now you can go back to sleep
Me: thanks, enjoy the rest of your day
Man: thanks J, you too..

I have come to the conclusion that I want to blow his whistle and I have a plan but for ethics sake (if I have any at this point) I will wait until maybe 6 tops... I will have a shot of Vodka and will dial his number again......

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