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Blogs > oldbstrd55 > Ramblings of an old bastard

Mixed emotions  

oldbstrd55 67M
66 posts
4/5/2017 9:26 am
Mixed emotions

Its been awhile since I put up a post do to the lack of anything besides the normal posts of not getting any, blah blah blah, that I see so much of.

These last couple of years have been a bit stressful. That stress has ended and new ones lay ahead. Sunday, my wife of just 17 year passed away from lung failure, I write this while smoking cigarette, smart right? The last six years have not been our best and our relationship was pretty much over. The last four I became mostly her care giver and was praised by her family and physicians for being a caring and loving husband, should have been an actor at least the loving part. We had discussions of caring about each other, but not in love. I believe and pretty much know that she had forgotten what she had told me six years ago and I wasn't going to remind her. Her in and outs of the hospital these last couple of years angered me for her lack of listening to the doctors and me. Many times I wanted to just walk out, but her relationship with her family was also strained by her not listening and I chose to stay. So now I sit saddened remembering the good times and angry for what she put me through and I let myself go through. I think this relationship will take a little longer to get over than the others, at least those we can cuss each other for what we put each other through.

Maybe my next will be the joys of owning a fleshlight.

oldbstrd55 67M
3292 posts
4/5/2017 9:30 am

 Almost forgot my add-a-post


pocogato12 71F  
37235 posts
4/5/2017 10:24 am

 I hear all the emotions in your post. Make sure you let them all come to the surface so you can get better. It will take time and personal energy to recognize them all. It is also obvious that you cared enough for her to stay and see tings through to the final decision. If you have family that was involved do not lose sight of them- they hurt too. What can we do to help you???
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oldbstrd55 replies on 4/5/2017 10:36 am:
Thank you. It does make it easier that she was the one to make the final decision and make final request with me and her sisters.

valdezvicvic 66M
996 posts
4/5/2017 11:03 am

 May be you might want to talk with a professional - there is a reason that we have therapists - is there a problem with that idea?


oldbstrd55 replies on 4/5/2017 6:26 pm:
I wouldn't have a problem with a therapist if there was depression or extreme anger, no one to talk to, a way to express my feeling and longer then a few days. Thank you for your advice, but just needed to let it out.

PonyGirl1965 58F
22090 posts
6/22/2017 1:52 am

 I'm sorry. Life will get better. Hugs!


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