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| Blogs > MBm2fWidow > The Widow's Watch |
Comedy or Nightmare
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Comedy or Nightmare I’m trapped in a revolving world of online dating sites that lead to nowhere. I think someone will find me and open a door to my heart and light will blast through and all that hurts and all that scares will wash away with the embracing rays of brightness and light. Instead I am greeted with dick pics and cum shots or a grayed out shadow icon of a man as an introduction into another’s idea of saying hello. I’m not sure if this is a nightmare or a comedy. I must be in the wrong place ……I don't fit anywhere ….not here ... not on a straight dating site....... not in this society ....Perhaps only lost souls reside here ……. perhaps we are all lost souls …… looking for something or someone none of us are certain exists. Surely someone out there gets me......... surely?  |
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Having just revisited what I had written before I realized just what an empty soul I was....Although time DOES heal most wounds I'm not sure it will entirely heal this one...There's way to much residual fall out from Vicki's death The loss of my son's trust in me, his total disdain for me and ultimately almost 3 years of silence and no contact. Is this fair I ask myself? I really can't tell him how to feel about me. I know much of what he feels has been drilled into his brain and heart by my ex-in-laws. But I have no ammunition to even defend myself against those lies. All I can do is pray to GOD that somehow, someday his heart is touched by the love and pain that I feel by his absence..... PLEASE, GOD, BRING MY SON BACK TO ME!!! [image]
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Trust me darlin', I get it.....I lost my wife to Alzheimer's a year ago last October. I had quit my job as an Independent IT Consultant so I could take care of her as she gradually drifted into the darkness that overtakes the mind of someone with that hideous disease. The part that most people don't understand about our relationship was that she and I had divorced back in 1999. Yet because we had a son together I vowed that I wouldn't be one of those absent fathers who only showed up when it was convenient. When we separated I only moved to the other side of the town we lived in which was all of a 5 minute drive between our homes. Conveniently my new place was right on the route she had to take after picking him up from daycare> So to make a long story short once she and I resolved the initial emotional upheaval of the divorce we actually became best friends which never was part of our marriage at any point. But we sat down one night and just talked everything out. No, we we're ever going to get back together, in spite of the salient efforts of a VERY smart 2 year old! But more importantly we vowed that we we had something much more important to focus on as parents; the mental and emotional health of our son. Which brings me back to 5 1/2 yeas ago. Once Vickie's terrible diagnosis was presented to us it really was a no brainer as to who would become her caretaker. Both sides of our families thought we were both Coo-Coo for Cocoa puffs!! But because we had taken the steps to heal ourselves the friendship that we had developed only got stronger. But 24 around the clock care takes a tremendous emotional and physical toll on someone. I also had the additional responsibility of getting kids to ballgames, dances or on a rare occurrence a night out to take in a movie with my son so we'd have some father/son time alone. How I managed to handle all of that and still coach his little league teams from 8 years old through high school is nothing short of a miracle when looking back. But those activities were my chance to blow off steam. I didn't dare try to date because as a man and potential mate I was running on emotional empty and I had absolutely nothing to bring into a new relationship.. So now the clock is still ticking on the window that I haven't dated let alone had intimacy of any sort....it now stands at 8 years and counting....This site actually provides me with the comic relief that changes my dry, sarcastic sense of humor. It also shows me that I'm not such a bad guy after all...Oh sure, I may try to dip my toes into the dating pool but in reality I'm not all that desperate to just settle for the sake of not being alone. I'm ok with my solitude....Yes darlin'.....I DO get it....
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8/8/2016 10:24 am |
I do understand you better than you may think. There is much more I want to share with you, but I am afraid you are leaving before I get to chance to open up to you.
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3/25/2016 8:59 am |
I cant say i get you 100% but i think i get you a whole lot.It is an honor to know you as i do,would love to be a friend in real life.
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Just dropping by to say Hi Sexy!!!
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You are so beautiful, a beautiful being...not just a beautiful body. Whether you fit is inconsequential...you belong. This world needs you and rare hearts like yours. It saddens me that your burden has been so great, but fills my heart with warmth and hope that great love and success has graced your path as well. I would so love to give you a long, warm hug and feel your energy.I would be honored to call you friend should that opportunity ever present itself. I am not asking...for this or anything, but I pray that the energy of my thoughts blesses you in some way...if only for a moment.
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Hello Beautiful Lady , Merry Christmas, i wish i was pleasuring you
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I have to say you put so many of my same thoughts into a much better perspective for me. I keep thinking it's a transitional time but I wonder if there is really an end for that. I thought I had found that one who would help make that all happen, but alas that proved to be a false hope. I am not giving up or looking back, but it does cause a level of consternation I hope will one day fade away.....Thank you for helping to pull my thoughts together [Everything changed when I went from Why to Why Not!         
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Wouldn't quite say we are all lost souls here....a few of us have drifted a little bit off the straight & narrow though for sure.
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I have met a some people who are on this site..it's all good..and may I say you have a great body...and your eyes seduce me!!!!!!!!
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Actually, there are very fine people on this site. A lot of times though, it's the distance that is the biggest factor.
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