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| Blogs > GreenEyedArcher > The Seeking Archer |
Rejection with Grace
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Rejection with Grace How a person takes rejection may say a lot about his or her character, however, I think it has to do more with the state of a person's self-esteem and emotional well-being. Since my separation, I have become fascinated with dating at this stage of life. I have learned things I wish I had known when I was in my 20's and I have been fascinated not only by other's behavior, but my own as well. See, it's easy to point at the other and say, "you, you, you..." but it's hypocritical to never look within your own self and see your own flaws, as well. We are all human. We all do stupid things, hurtful things, or regrettable things at some points in our life. If you say you never do or did, and it's always the other person, you are clearly a person I cannot trust. In the last two weeks I have both been rejected and had to reject. Neither scenario is fun, but it's a fact of life when it comes to dating. Learning to EMBRACE that and not fight it, truly frees you to be YOURSELF and keep pressing on. We all know rejection exists, however -- the knowledge doesn't do a person any good until he or she embraces it and uses it to change one's behavior. To change your RESPONSES to rejection. Here's what I have learned -- reject someone, but don't destroy them in the process. Just be honest and direct. MY favorite line, "I am sorry but I just do not see a romantic future for us." If someone rejects me, I only get pissed if it's in the form of an excuse. "The distance got in the way." I did call BS on that one with someone -- if a guy likes a gal, 40 minutes is NOTHING. (am I wrong??) So I just said, "You don't have to give me excuses, it is what it is -- I am glad I met you anyway. Take care and have fun!" It hurt. I liked him. Studies have proven that rejection literally is measured like a punch to the gut in our brain -- it HURTS. Not just emotionally, but physically. You get all tight inside and it HURTS. No way around it. But -- it doesn't last forever. And taking it GRACEFULLY just feels better all around. Plus, someone won't have to block you or think about calling the cops on you.... Another thing to remember about rejection, it doesn't mean you are flawed. You are who you are. Embrace it. All of it. Even the "stuff" you think others don't like. Some WILL like it (or at least not mind it). Forget about the ones who can't see past it. You have OPTIONS. Believe it. There is more than ONE person out there for you - so let the ones that are not right for you (in whatever capacity you are seeking) GO. Also -- if someone rejects you, it doesn't mean THEY are flawed, either. It just means they have preferences that don't include you. So what? You have preferences, too. \"Thousands will want you, millions will not." Embrace that. It truly frees you!!! (I didn't make that quote up, it came from a book, but I am afraid if I post the title I will look like I am spamming it, which I am not...)  |
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Rejection on this site tends to get nasty pretty fast. A simple reply of "Sorry, I'm not interested" is usually answered with a lot of hate. I do try to remember that rejection is not the end of the world. Lord knows I've been rejected enough in my life that this isn't anything new  But some people have an easier time with it than others. Great post btw 
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The best advice in there is that rejection does not mean either of you is flawed. Not being a good match should be enough. If you see me in the real world, come say "Hi Justskin." I always behave. Preferably not well. 
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Classy post Be safe, relax and just have fun!
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if a guy likes a gal, 40 minutes is NOTHING. (am I wrong??) That depends.. we don't really measure distance in minutes, because today is a extreme example of when a 40 minute drive could be to a destination less than 10 miles away. Lets say it's all freeway and traffic is light to non-existent, and we aren't having a blizzard.. 40 minutes is approximately 40 miles. I wouldn't say 40 miles is nothing.. I'm just south of downtown Minneapolis, and most anyplace in the cities is less than 20 miles away, double that and I'm a lot less likely to consider that person. 40 miles away would be going to date a lady in Monticello, MN. That wouldn't be terrible for a weekend date when up to an hours drive time either way is part of your date... but on a weeknight when I'm getting home from work at 6? That suddenly means that I'm spending nearly as much time driving (or waiting for her to drive) as I am spending with her. That would be distance getting in the way for me pretty much without regard to how awesome the lady is.
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