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Love and Marriage (Cont.)
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Love and Marriage (Cont.) After our talk 15 years ago she again got much better for a few months and then it started down hill again until it completely stopped about 7 to 8 years ago. I continued to talk to her and she continued to say she had no idea why she had no desire for sex. I asked her to discuss it with our family doctor in case there was a physical problem and when she saw him she said, "my husband asked me to talk to you, but I am sure there is nothing wrong. I just don't feel like doing it." Back to the first step is admitting you have a problem. Then things even got worse. One time I was kissing her a very passionate French kiss, trying to get her to respond and she responded alright! She pushed me away and very vehemently said, "THAT'S GROSS!!!!!" All I did was use a little tongue, which I had done thousands of times before, and she thought it was gross. Needless to say, I have never kissed her more than a friendship peck since then. The affection and intimacy slowly decreased to none and now we never even touch each other. It is not that I still don't desire her and want her and love her as much as usual, but I just got tired or being pushed away. When I would hug her, her hands would automatically come up between us to push me away instead of around me to respond. Then a few months ago I finally began to put together all the pieces to actually analyze the problem. She said something to her sister one day about me wanting oral sex with her and her sister said, "Yuk, That's dirty!!!" I though, my God, I feel sorry for my brother-in-law, who died last year after being married to her sister for 47 years. Finally, One day in one of our discussions she gave me the answer I had been looking for so many years. When I asked her again for the thousandth time why she didn't like affection and intimacy and sex she said she was always taught that sex was dirty when she was growing up. Her parents would whip her if she even talked about a woman being pregnant, because that was dirty. Regardless of how off the wall it may sound, I think I had finally discovered the missing link. We have continued to discuss things, but there is nothing I can do to even make her accept there is a problem, much less get her to deal with it. There is one other detail I have not included until now. She is the most judgmental person I have ever met. If you like something she things is wrong she thinks you are a pervert, slut, or worse. For example, she thinks I have a screw loose and am a pervert because I love nudity and would like to go to a nudist camp. That judgmental attitude is what has alienated our daughters and grandchildren, but when I tell her why they don't want to talk to her she says she is not judgmental, she is just trying to help them by telling them what is the right way to live. Why have I poured all this very personal stuff out in my blog? One reason is I need to get it off my chest. Another is that I believe we can all benefit and learn lessons from the past or as I have heard said before, " It is good to learn from mistakes. Try to make sure it is someone else's mistakes." Finally, I guess I just feel better explain why a man would stay in a marriage for 53 years and then leave. By the way, I am not divorcing her, just going to live by myself. I am not leaving for another woman either, because my sweetie I have met on Senior Sizzle is married and has no plans to change that, which I agreed with and accept. At least, when I am by myself, I will not have that person that I see continually and always desire to tempt me to show her how much I want her, just to be<b> rejected </font></b>again. I have no intentions of being with a woman again that doesn't want me as much as I want her. And I have found out that, even at my age, that is very much possible. |
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