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On First Date Sex
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On First Date Sex This one's got some age on it, but I just realized I hadn't posted it. Recently, I had a conversation with a woman who seemed confused and disheartened over her recent lack of success in dating. She loved sex and occasionally slept with someone on their first date, yet the guy frequently disappeared as rapidly as his post coital erection. She was distressed over feeling used and not knowing what guys want. I've covered one of the reasons why men disappear after sleeping with a woman here, but wanted to address another consideration with respect to her question (which she shares with many other women); expectations. I'm specifically referring to expectations associated with a first date. The first date is a no pressure, no commitment way of getting to know someone. To determine what level of chemistry exists between the two parties, and so on. Either party should be able to walk away, after a first date, without any seriously hard feelings. First date activities can be whatever the two parties decide. Drinks only, lunch, drinks and dinner, dinner and a movie, dinner and dancing, drinks and painting class, smoking pot and cow tipping, drinks and sex, dinner and sex, just sex, and so on. Wait, did he just say sex as a first date activity? Yes, some people desire sex enough to make it a first date activity. And why not? We're (mostly) all grownups here. Who's to say sex on a first date isn't right? Clearly the woman I referenced earlier considers it to be acceptable. Besides, at some point, you'll have to determine whether you're sexually compatible with the other party; why not do it up front? Speaking for my gender, none of us will turn down first date sex; it's just not done. Therefore, sex shall be considered as reasonable as a first date activity as dinner or anything else, including cow tipping. Regardless of the activity, first dates often don't work out for one reason or another. One or both parties decide they don't want to see the other again. This is perfectly reasonable, regardless of what the first date activity is. My female readers are throwing rotten fruit at their screens (you'll have quite the mess to clean up later) because they 'know very well' sex has greater implications than say a kiss goodnight. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but on a first date, not so much. The key words here are 'FIRST DATE'. Those are zero pressure meetings intended to decide whether mutual interest exists to warrant a second date. Therefore, I don't care whether a date consists of cow tipping or dirty, raw sex, nothing can be inferred as to whether there will be a second date. And seriously, how can anyone claim to have a deep emotional bond after a first date? Not much more to be said there. As an example, awhile back, I contacted a woman via a dating site and we seemed to get along well. The conversation migrated to sex and we wound up having a bit of phone fun. I was traveling at the time, but she flat out said she wanted to have sex with me upon my return. If I must... She came to my house and we did just that. The sex was okay but as we got to know each other better, it was clear to both of us we weren't compatible, with respect to an LTR. She left, we had the one further obligatory email exchange, then we both moved on. No one was upset or had their feelings hurt, because it was a first date. With that in mind, let's delve into motivations, specifically why women sleep with men on the first date. We know how the men see the topic. Ladies, it's great you have a healthy sex drive; seriously, I applaud it. If you have a need such that you'll satisfy it on a first date, such as the woman in my example, I have absolutely zero issue with it. Hell, as a guy, I'll be the first to sign up. However, if a woman sleeps with a man on the first date to create an emotional bond? Not a valid reason. Creating a situation where the guy feels obligated to see her again? No fucking way. That other thing I haven't thought of? Out as well. I'd go into further detail, but do I really need to write about being emotionally healthy? But he tricked me! One of the most common complaints from women who've had a guy disappear, particularly after sleeping with her on the first date, is 'he said felt something so strong for me and that he wanted us to be together for a long time'. Or something of the sort. Fucker lied, just to get you in the sack, didn't he? While it's fun to male bash, things aren't always what they seem as I alluded to in my womanizer post, linked above. Additionally, circumstances may materially change in the period immediately following the sexual interlude. I had just such an experience, not a week ago after I'd started this entry (perfect timing). Things began in much the same way as in my previous example except that immediately following the sex, I still intended to see this woman again. Then things changed. She was constantly blowing up my phone with texts, even after I'd told her I was going to sleep, in one instance. There were sentiments such as 'I've never felt this way before' and 'I can't wait to see you again', which in my opinion, isn't what a 'normal' person would be saying after a first date. In short, she was making me nuts after only one date. So, I politely exited. I have no doubt she was upset and felt used. Indeed, I received the 'I thought you were different from other guys' message. If she meant that other guys couldn't deal with her critical mass clinging, I guess she's right. I was discussing this topic with a woman and she said 'women's hearts and pussies wired together'. I get that; women develop feelings much more easily from sex than men do. My response to her was that we're all big boys and girls. It's incumbent upon us to understand how we'll respond to certain situations. And let's face it, most of us have had sex on the first date, so it's not an unknown. Moving on, let's touch on what men want. I'll be the first to say I have no fucking clue what men want. It may sound like a cheesy pickup line, but I've been told I'm rather unique in the dating world. I'd like to think we all want a healthy, loving relationship with a woman who brings us joy. Unfortunately, I think more men than you realize suffer from insecurity and other fears that prevent them from being successful in the endeavor. This assertion comes from my own experience in the aftermath of my marriage. Some readers are undoubtedly saying 'you're just trying to justify a one night stand', to which I respond that a one night stand is a different animal. In the case of a ONS, one or both parties know, before the first article of clothing is shed, that this will be a well, one nighter. In the case of first date sex, both parties intend to see the other for additional dates. While it's true that both carry the risk of one party being hurt in the process, first date sex and ONS's are two separate encounters, by virtue of intent alone. The bottom line is this: If you sleep with someone on your first date, whether you're a man or woman, it's still a first date and subject to first date norms. Any emotional attachment you may have developed on ONE DATE is your own albatross. |
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First date fun
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2/24/2019 3:35 pm |
First meet or first date? first meet isn't a date its just a meet to see whether its going to be any date..after that well adults decide like adults should together if they want any action ...I don't know if I would ...
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2/24/2019 3:45 pm |
greatr
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I have a very strict rule I follow - NO cow tipping on the first meet / date (they're the same thing). When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Very well put.......
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