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| Blogs > New2Midlo > Fun with a normal white guy... |
Why?
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Why? Since I’ve gotten little encouragement from those reading my previous posts, I’ve decided to do a real blog. That means spewing whatever comes out of my head, with little regard for grammar, truth, or structure and, most importantly, call myself a writer. As a warning, those who expect political correctness should attend a democratic party fundraiser instead of reading further. I wont mince words and insult both sexes equally. People fascinate me in how they interact with one another. Their actions and what drove them to that action, that kind of thing. This fascination probably came from having been married to someone with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. Having gone through that, which I wouldn’t wish on most people, I’ve become much more in tune with the whole mental process of a + b = c reaction. This skill has annoyed the hell out of some. For example, I was chatting, one day, to a woman I was dating about relationships and realized she had abandonment issues. When I shared this with her, she naturally said I was out of my mind. Well, later that week, she saw her own therapist who, she told me, agreed with me. There are times I should probably use this skill more but, in some cases, I don’t give a shit why you did what you did. You’re a dick and go away. This insight has also served me well on occasion, allowing me to spot the insanity in some women I’ve dated. Unfortunately, it’s not always been heeded because, since my divorce, I’ve wound up dating a bi polar, a closet alcoholic, and someone with borderline tendencies. However, there have been times where I’ve seen the signs and run. However, being able to explain to people why they do things did get my ex-wife to stop bothering me, which if you know anything about BPD, is a real accomplishment. What makes things challenging, in the dating world, is that the crazies tend to be the ones that draw you in with their siren’s song. They’re usually the most interesting (at the beginning) but I can tell you from personal experience, the old adage that crazy chicks are better in the sack isn’t always true. And nothing sucks worse than being involved with a nutcase who’s also a bad lay. So, where is this leading? In a roundabout way (okay, not really but see first paragraph regarding guarantees of quality writing) it dovetails into what’s been rattling around my head the past few days. That topic is why men don’t get laid and/or why women think men are pigs. It probably makes sense to put what I’m about to toss out into some perspective. First of all, I’m talking about the general dating world, not necessarily Senior Sizzle. I’m also writing in the context of meeting women on dating sites; meeting someone randomly is so 1990’s. So, we’re talking about when you’re just meeting someone and the potential relationship is new. Also, a bit about me. I’m pretty much an average guy. Average height, decent body but will never have a six pack, average size package. However, I get laid more than I probably should. This isn’t to brag but to establish where I’m coming from. I’d be (more) full of shit in writing this were I a virgin or a male model with a massive unit. Despite telling myself I wouldn’t, I’ve come back after writing most of this piece to provide some further context. This mass of words should be taken the context of two people meeting with the possibility of having a relationship of some sort. This could be anything from fwb to long term. My goal is not to provide a ‘guide to nail chicks’ but rather how not to shoot yourself in the foot before you get started. It will probably progress, in later blogs, how to better please your partner. I hold zero expectation that guys will read it because we all think we’re the bomb in the sack. Furthermore, in the interest of full disclosure, I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t been all that successful on this site. As noted, I have neither a set of rock hard abs nor a massive schwanz, so trying to compete against a hundred guys who do for the few worthwhile women on this site doesn’t make for good odds. Sure, I’ve gotten laid a few times as a result of being on here and probably could increase that number if I actually put some effort into interacting with the female contingent. But, in all honesty, the sex I have had from here wasn’t all that great. One nighters tend not to work for me for reasons I’ll get into later. Plus, at the risk of going into a rant mode, it’s tough to get motivated to reach out to women whose profiles have a close up of their tits and ‘just looking for some fun’ as the only text in their profile. I’d rather go elsewhere, for the most part. So, in somewhat random order, I’ll spew some of the insight I’ve gathered in the dating / sex realm, beyond Senior Sizzle. Guys, first of all, learn to kiss. I’ve heard more than a few women tell me that they know whether they’ll sleep with a guy after the first few kisses. Why? Because, for the most part, men fuck like they kiss from what I’ve been told (haven’t given much thought to the female side of the equation; I’ll get back to you on this one). If you show zero finesse, immediately shoving your tongue down a woman’s throat, she figures you’re going to do the same in the sack. ‘This guy’s gonna stick his dick in me and cum before I can get off.’ On the other hand, if you’re too timid, well you can figure that one out. Second, don’t mention sex right off the bat. Most women I’ve dated complain that men start talking about sex before they’ve even met in person. Guys actually ask a woman they haven’t met how soon they’re going to get laid once they do meet. Some apparently ask to meet immediately to have sex. Anyone who’s that clueless deserves to spend Saturday night with some hand cream and internet porn as his companions. The biggest secret that guys need to keep in mind is, in general, women want sex just as much as men; more in some cases. But they don’t want to feel like you’re just looking for somewhere to stick your cock and they happen to be handy. They don’t want to think you’re out fucking anyone you can. Reversing that, guys generally don’t want to think the girl they’re with (regardless of relationship status) is banging a bunch of other guys. That’s because of insecurity. And in general, guys are much more insecure than women. Guys may be more inclined to want a no strings relationship but they also want to be the only one in her bedroom. I’ve been surprised to find that women are less likely to care about multiple partners. The dynamic probably has to do with guys not being confident they’re good in the sack and women figuring they rock. We’ll revisit that topic later. Anyway, I make it a point not to bring up sex first. True story to emphasize the point: I was chatting on the phone, for the first time, with a woman I’d met online. She asked me point blank when I was going to bring up / solicit sex from her because that’s what most guys do (she obviously hated that). I told her that I know the secret that women want it as much as guys do and that I’ve never had to bring up sex first because women almost always do it for me. Next thing you know, she’s got me telling her what I’d do to her and could I come over tonight? What I’ve found to be a great way of finding out whether a woman is fun in the sack (and opening the door to chatting about sex) is to talk about kissing her; wanting to kiss her. In general, women love to have their necks kissed and even talking about it can get her mind into ‘sexland’. Knowing how to do that can start a launch sequence that provides a really hot ride. You start talking about that (slowly, knowing when the time is right) and the next thing you know, you’re having really dirty phone sex with a smoking hot blonde who wants to call you ‘Daddy’. Your mileage may vary though. Also, find out what women want from you as a person. I would never advocate pretending to be something you’re not in order to get laid but you should be able to tell what part of you appeals most to the woman you’re with. And that will vary for the same reason ice cream makers have more than two flavors. Be perceptive to the signals she’s sending when you talk about different things, whether that be loving animals or shooting a guy in Reno just to see him die. Do more of the stuff she sends signals that she likes. Less of what she doesn’t. Pretty easy but some people (men and women) don’t get it. I’ll stop here for a sec to harp on the women and the complaints from men. First of all, women who treat sex with her as a prize should be shown the door. Sex is not a reward for convincing you that I’m a good match, rather part of finding out if we’re a good match. I’m not going to know whether I’m truly interested in you until I find out if we’re sexually compatible as well as compatible in other ways. Sex is part of the getting to know you phase. And personally, I’m not going to date you for two months only to find out you’re horrible in the sack. Yes, this has happened to me. That’s not to say I want to jump right in the sack with a woman. I need a date or two to figure out if we enjoy spending an evening with each other before we head to the bedroom. Oh, one more thing I’ve found, with very few exceptions, is that those women who say they love to give head and are really good at it aren’t. I’m not saying this to insult anyone. It’s just an observation. And they’ll never know because what kind of stupid would a guy have to be to tell a woman she gave mediocre head. You gotta be careful about that shit. But there are ways to modify behavior, which I’ll cover later. Since we’ve turned out attention to the women for a bit…I hear from women that most men aren’t good in the sack. Well, sorry to tell you this, women, but a lot of women I’ve been with ain’t all that great, themselves. That prize they think they’re holding isn’t. Like the blowjob claim, the women who say they love sex and need it a lot tend to be not very good at it. I was dating a woman who made the ‘I love sex and need a lot of it’ statement and it was all I could do not to respond with ‘why? You’re not that good at it.’ This was a bit longer than I figured it would be but, hey I was on a roll…. |
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