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SEX and Relationships
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SEX and Relationships Perhaps it was just a coincidence, or perhaps a deliberate act by the authors, considering it was published on the day of the equinox, a balance of day and night, but there was an interesting article I read that day, dealing with : "Sex; and its Importance Relative to Other Elements of a Relationship". The article looked at how people currently and formerly in relationships rated the importance of the sexual, emotional, intellectual and 'mundane world' elements that go into making the foundations of their relationship, and, for lack of a better term, evaluated the "success" of those ratings, in regards to their overall happiness and satisfaction, duration of relationship, frequency of sex, etc.. The results in some areas were surprising, and in others, not so. For instance, as expected, when sex occupied less than 25% of the over all importance, relationships generally failed in less than 5 yrs, the people were not generally happy, or healthy(!), and the pair struggled in the "at home" areas. We are, after all, sexual creatures, whether we acknowledge that element of our<b> make-up </font></b>or not. If we aren't getting it, or getting it enough, ...well, we're just not "happy campers". But!!! And a big "But" here … there were surprising twists in some of the other findings. First instance, when "sex" was rated at the opposite end of the spectrum, (occupying more than 75% of the overall importance), the relationships were generally of equally poor quality as those were when it was rated at less than 25%! The only major difference for those couples where sex was of high importance was that those couples had more sex, vs those couples where it wasn't important, but the sex they got still generally wasn't 100% satisfying, rewarding and fulfilling! In fact, when sex was more than 85% of the combined importance, (one's based strictly on "chemistry and physical attraction", etc)..... those relationships were, over all, the poorest in combined satisfaction, with the relationship lasting only 2-5 yrs, in general! Emotional and intellectual needs, and some mundane world needs, were not any where close to being met by their partners.  The article found that the most successful relationships proved to be those of the couples who regarded all aspects to be of equal importance, where things were “balanced”! Those relationships lasted longer than 10 yrs; the couples were happier, both with each other and their own personal lives; individuals were healthier; and their mundane world responsibilities were more stable and rewarding as well. And now, the most surprising result of all, and it really was quite remarkable! It pertains to the "sex" part. For those couples where sex was considered ONLY equally important as everything else, the couples actually ended up having better sex, more often, for longer sessions, and were overwhelmingly happier and more satisfied with their sex lives! And the difference in the frequency of sex was very pronounced! 6 times vs the average 2.5 times for those couples who identified sex as the more important element, over all other facets! It seems when one places as much emphasis on the emotional and intellectual needs of their partner, and upholds their portion of the responsibility of the mundane world, ….well....they get their own “special” rewards! And a lot of it! Maybe sex actually becomes a celebration of the relationship, for those couples who adapt an “all things in balance” outlook, as opposed to being the reason for the relationship existing in the first place! |
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interesting thoughts to ponder    je ne regrette rien
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That makes a lot of sense to me...I've been in a relationship where the sex started out huge and dwindled to nothing and my comment at the time was: why would I put up with all the bullshit without any of the reward? I think he would have ranked sex as not important (less than 25 while I would have rated it higher (equal to the other stuff). And I've also been in a relationship where he would have ranked sex high (more than 75 and that created equal if different issues than the first. I found this to be equally unsatisfying as the first. Balance...while one may never achieve it, it does strike me as a worthwhile endeavor to strive for it. Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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