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Hot Cock Shots for your online profile....
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Hot Cock Shots for your online profile.... (from Cosmo article) We asked celebrity fashion photographer and professional cocksucker, Steven Meisel, to share his secrets on snapping a hot cock shot. Steve's claim to fame was his renowned photographs of Madonna in her 1992 book titled "Sex." There were numerous fashion personalities who got discovered by Meisel, including Naomi Campbell, Coco Rocha, Lara Stone, Kristy Turlington, Raquel Zimmerman and Linda Evangelista. Nobody knows how to shoot wanker better than Steve because he is a notorious butt pirate who spends at least one third of his waking hours with a dangler either shoved down his throat or up some aspiring assistant's ass. Here are the Meisel secrets, exclusively told to Cosmo. 1) Peenjazzle it you expect to dazzle Landscape, landscape, landscape! It's a jungle out there so unless you're Tarzan and she's Jane, you better trim your secret garden if you don't want your monkey wrench to be mistaken for Cheeta. Either mow the whole lawn or just manscape, weeding here and there where and when necessary. Any length is acceptable except the short prickly length for your prick that is equivalent to 400 grit sandpaper best suited for removal of varnish, skateboard grip tape, or eliminating the top three layers of epidermis from your date's pubic area. 2) Turn your tool to the right According to new research from DeVry University, the left side of your penis is the sexiest. Why? Researchers found that our left balls tends to show more pink that our right which people think makes you look younger and hence more attractive. You can always use Temptu AIR Pod Blush, $30, or Photoshop to bring out the pink. We strongly advise against smashing your balls with a ball pein hammer. Read my lips, it's a ball pein hammer, not ball penis hammer. No, pein is not an abbreviation for penis. Yes, Peenjazzle has the pein sound in it because in that particular case it is an abbreviation. NO MORE QUESTIONS. I'm a celebrity fashion photographer not fucking Wikipedia! 3) Pay attention to the lighting When light hits your johnson from above, it creates shadows on your balls, particularly under the scrotum. So whether you’re inside or outdoors, try to stand behind the sun or away from overhead lights. Tilt your penis up slightly to minimize any casts. On the other hand, tilt it down slightly if your making a cock cast. 4) Play the angles and look longer A picture of a meat thermometer free floating in space won't give any indication of exactly how big the member is. You can totally trick the camera into making your bone appear longer and thicker. Here’s how: hold the camera close to the head of the one-eyed-snake and shoot. Alternatively, you can put a lifelike figurine next to it, like your younger sister's Angry Bird, so the angle will make your pecker look enormous. Please resist the temptation to dry hump her Angry Bird from behind -- your sis' is only eleven and she'll tell your mom that her plush smells like cheese. Your mom wasn't born yesterday and knows the origin of cheese. You don't want to make that bitch angry or she'll hide your PS3 game controller. She's probably a control freak like my mom was. That's why I'm gay. I admit I also love to suck cock -- but that has nothing to do with what Cosmo is paying me for. 5) Make you ding-a-ling say "Cheese" Nobody likes a smirking Mr. Winky. It looks conceited like Obama using a big word. Don't overdo it. Your<b> dong </font></b>should appear natural and half-chubbed, not cheerleader perky and erect. Practice have your penis smile in the mirror. aim for a confident grin that says, 'I could have any girl, but I want you because of your congenial personality and your savvy Cosmo style!' 6) Make your dipstick shiny and bright One of the best ways to make your tripod look more radiant is to jerk off right before the photo shoot. Then apply Nars Lip Gloss in Sweet Dreams Sheer Formula, $24, on the head to give your cock that fuller, more suckable appearance. 7) Your junk should look glowy, not greasy Makeup artists will tell you that the camera flash can amplify any shine you have on your tallywacker. Keep your Peter's complexion matte by applying a makeup primer like Smashbox Photo Finish, $36, under your foundation. Posters Note: Hmmm, if you are already spending this kind of time and money on your ankle spanker..., maybe you should avoid the additional cost on going on a date, and just spend the night at home..., you already have the $24 cream..., make a night of it. ; ) |
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