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Change
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Change What does it mean to actually change? Not to walk down the same path after memorizing the steps, the smell of the flowers, the way the sun shines on you...all gone. Now you stand alone staring up at the moon. Your current path is covered with weeds. No flowers grow here. You start a river of tears fighting through the pain, the misery, the uncertainty. There are no winners in this battle. Every day is heavier than the previous one because I don’t know what to expect. When we decided to call it quits, it wasn’t an easy decision; it never is. The mental scars are still fresh. Our suffer everyday we can’t speak to each other. So we work hard at placing our differences aside. We grew apart many years ago but I made a bridge to cross because family is important to me. It was one cold day where he wore a coat and I stood there freezing, I noticed then that I was the only one using the bridge. I think that was the exact moment that my heart froze. I never recovered. Shortly afterwards it was decided that it was time to call it. I am not me as I type. I am the wife, mother, , aunt, and friend that tried hard to fix that which was broken. There wasn’t enough crazy glue to hold it together. I lost. He lost. We all lost. No one is to blame. It is what it is. There is no happily ever after here. It’s starting to sink in now. Some days are good some days aren’t. Some days I want to be Cinn and some days I don’t. Some days I want to have meaningless sex, some days I just want to be held tight while I cry myself to sleep. I have no regrets OR hate in my heart. Adjusting has been difficult for all of us. The separation (and soon divorce), the single income, the housing, and the most painful for the youngest one.....the holidays; deciding whom to spend the holidays with mommy or daddy. This is the first time we all will celebrate the holidays separately. Bad timing? Perhaps. Thanksgiving & New Years with one parent and Christmas with the other. Change. One word that move things around in your life. Is it really necessary to change in order to heal? Is change a bad word? Does change make it easier to accept the things in life that you can’t........change? I should be your favorite spice.FACE DOWN, ASS UP. GIVE MY PUSSY LIPS A KISS So How far will you go The Spice Rack Cinnamontaste69 is my playground. Cum follow me if you're old enough. |
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Relax. Breathe. It will work out. I was married to a terrible person for way too long. I stuck it out because of the kids, but she made my life miserable. When we decided to divorce, I went through an upheaval of emotions. I knew I'd be better off without her, but change is very hard. We resist change, even when we know we're stuck on a path leading us to further misery. You will emerge from this like a phoenix, reborn from the ashes. Bright, colorful, and once again full of life... and free to make the most of it. [post 3097853] Come join the half-nekkid fun! Check out HNW Bloggers.  
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There's never a good time to do this. Been there, have three grown kids. Make sure the kids never see or hear any anger toward their dad or that may well cause life-long resentment.
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They say that change is as good as a rest but I don't believe that's always the case  
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I will be difficult but worth it good luck!
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Change....inevitable...whether positive or negative. Though in your bio and in your blogs, you reveal you have the capacity....a wide capacity ....to change. No, not easy, no, not quick.....but like the renewing of seasons....the soul...the mind...absorbs and evokes.......change. Even the "stranger within" changes...the direction.....that's the puzzle.....but that is the reward! Peace to you Cinn...
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Change is the only thing in life that is constant and we try to change for good when matters of heart are involved we must to that man upstairs God and ask him to heal our heart and not make me bitter. I've been there and to be honest it sucks but life goes on and if we are to really have a life we move on and truly forgive and in forgiving surprisingly we heal but it is process but a process which works. Cinn hang in there and never give up big hug xoxoxoxox
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