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| Blogs > oneladybrijit > For What It's Worth! |
Just something to say I am still here.
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Just something to say I am still here. I should be asleep, and once again, something woke me up. Because it has been so frequent lately, I have music going all night, and even that is not working. I might have to control the music. I have had a bad week emotionally. It has felt a bit like a roller coaster, sad one moment, fragile the next, maybe a bit of both, and back. It's easy to say, oh, you can control your emotions. It might be easy for a man to control his emotions, as they tend not to be so up and down. It's not so easy for a woman to, and sometimes, the hormones just don't give us a chance, so while we might work really hard at staying even tempered, and calm, our insides are more like a cauldron brewing up trouble and torment. I should have visited my mother a week ago, and I kept putting it off, in the hope I'd get some work done here before I went. It didn't really happen, so in the end I became totally frustrated and did a quick visit. Then I managed to forget to take what I was going to, so I will have to go back again sometime soon. Stupid things like that just add to the already damp eyes. It's really strange, as even though the emotions are in a heap, and all over the place, I am really happy inside. I know that might sound strange. It's because my body, and a recent event is controlling the emotions, however my mind is controlling what I am doing in my day to day life, and I do try to at least get something positive done most days, while I am not really achieving much, just so that I don't end up going backwards. Because I do achieve little things here and there, I am happy with me, so all the rest doesn't matter anywhere near as much as if I weren't at least getting some things done. As usual, I have pretty much said nothing, so I will add a little. When I look outside now, I see this yard that is so much clearer than it has been for over a year, so it's really nice, and restorative to the heart, as I did it. I have removed the fire hazard from near my bedroom, and that makes things a little less dangerous if ever a situation arises. It also makes the yard so much more comfortable to be in. When it's all done, I have one of the nicest or most comfy yards. I learned a long time ago, that for a yard to be comfy, like a house, it needs seating that is there always, and I have made sure that is there. Then there is the seating that can be put out there to supplement that. If one has at least one cushion to make it comfy when needed, then one now has a very workable situation. It all makes it worthwhile going out there, and looking at making something out there worth looking at; so that becomes the next challenge, and even though it does look so much nicer when the roses are under control, just the trees with their leafy bower at this time of year are incredibly soothing most of the time. Add a refreshing cuppa, or a cold drink with a few berries and/or a leaf or two of lemon balm, and wow, nice place to be. I recently mentioned the fish pond, and as I said, it's already something to just watch in wonder. Only there is a bit of work around it to remove weeds, and that is yet to happen, so there is still plenty to bother me, and as time passes, I suspect that I might just get it all under control. I thought it would be nice if I just wrote something here, as I haven't said much lately, just not<b> dong </font></b>the best. I will be back soon enough, and thank those who keep being there for me. Thank you. By the way, I could make anything sound like paradise, as I do have a way with words. Only it's not just that, it's our attitude, and if you read my blogs, you do find that no matter what, somehow I'd just keep fighting to move beyond the bad things. The peace that I have found in the world around me in recent times defies explanation, as I sort of wonder if it's real, or just people keeping silent in my presence. That's something we can't tell easily. I do suspect that mostly it's nice, not a negative. One can only hope. 
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 stopping by to say hello and bring you some peace and love (((hugs)))  some times the things that comes from between my ears makes me pause for reflection
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Thank you travelguy. I really appreciate that. Hugs back. 
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z when I talk about interrupted sleep, it is very interrupted. I live in the middle of town, so there are all sorts of things that can wake me, such as vehicles getting fuel nearby all night, people walking home from hotels between eleven pm and three am. They can be very noisy, very suddenly, and this month, it's these youngsters. Another month it is a totally new group of youngsters. My secret is to find inner peace, and when you have that, it's amazing what you can deal with. Like you, I don't think alcohol is the answer, only being as addicted to it as I am, I find that one or two help me head for sleep most nights. I also have an issue that has helped me a lot over the years. If I were to drink too much, which I did a few times in my learning times, I'd be awake about (exactly) three hours after I went to sleep, a really good reason to not drink too much anymore. Not only that, I value my mind a lot. Like you, I also try to head for sleep at a consistent time, mine being a lot closer to around ten pm several nights a week, however once my shows come back, it will depend on what time they end. Then when you are as open about yourself online as I am, there are certain risks too, involving strangers who have ideas about hurting someone like me. It adds to the situation to a small extent. I know to make sure my security is all good, and in place at all times, so that when these things happen, it doesn't become ugly. It's only just over 24 hours since a man introduced his dog to me, and as he was chatting told me about how he "used to walk past about four am every morning" and he "loved climbing up and down fences with my dog". You can imagine my reaction. In this town, everything is so close and personal, that when something like that happens, you have to think on your feet, and I sort of regretted answering one or two questions he asked me. My outcome is a determination to go to the pound very soon, and get myself another dog, one that will work out even better for me this time, to help cope with strangers like him. Dogs do have a tendency to be like their owners. I am also looking at whether there is anything else I can do to add to my already multi-faceted security. If there is, I will install it. Ok, I need a few more hours sleep, so I am going now that daylight is here.
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