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A double standard
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A double standard So this post has been sort of percolating in my head for a while now. The whole mainstream acceptance of BDSM and popularity of fifty something something have made it somewhat of a<b> hot topic. </font></b>I read abby1112 blog today about secret hidden sides and have a friend who recently let slip some of her secrets as well. Sorry that really isnt an effective lead in to what i want to talk about but here goes. I am sick of the double standard that comes about with the submissive male and the submissive female. I think in any true sub/dom relationship it is the sub who has the power. But when it comes to submissive males there is a lack of any sort of redeeming feature to them. Submissive men are considered cuckolds (when that is the kink role they like) or wimps, or sissies (again if that is the kink they are after) and all sorts of other demeaning terms. There is nothing remotely respectful of the role they take on. However women are tramps and sluts and retain a sort of power through their sexuality that the men lose. I wonder then to myself why this happens. Why do men want a submissive role. I am submissive in the sense of wanting to lie back and have a partner blow me. That is where it ends for me. I don't want to be humiliated as it doesn't turn me on. Why do you want to surrender yourself and your self respect like that? It bothers me that a submissive woman will be seen as a heroine in these books whereas a submissive man would be seen as the butt of a cruel joke. I am not a fan of double standards and this one bugs me more than it should i think. As always i welcome you feedback on this one. Maybe a submissive dude could fill me in on what i am missing. |
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Great topic...I honestly didnt consider the point about the double standard for sub women and sub men. I guess Ive never really seen it that way. I cant speak with 100 percent accuracy about a sub man, but I know for a sub woman, at least in my case (and yea, I guess Im busting right out of the closet on this) of taking off that cloak of control and capability, of letting someone else take the lead (cause lord knows I have to lead enough in my regular day to day life)and guide me, at least for that time we are together. Its all about NOT having to make a decision for a time, of letting my brain go into "follow" mode. I would imagine its much the same for men. "You've seen my descent, Now watch my rising!" - Rumi Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are forged from it - Michele K.
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interesting. i have no interest in the book mostly cause i think my own stuff is better. that is me blowing my own horn. but yeah i think being a sub is the only way to be a good dom.
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i am sure that they dont consider that lack of respect thing. i think that is society looking in on their play.
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Great topic...I honestly didnt consider the point about the double standard for sub women and sub men. I guess Ive never really seen it that way. I cant speak with 100 percent accuracy about a sub man, but I know for a sub woman, at least in my case (and yea, I guess Im busting right out of the closet on this) of taking off that cloak of control and capability, of letting someone else take the lead (cause lord knows I have to lead enough in my regular day to day life)and guide me, at least for that time we are together. Its all about NOT having to make a decision for a time, of letting my brain go into "follow" mode. I would imagine its much the same for men.
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see there we are again. with a lack of acceptance for the submissive male. he is just not a turn on in this society.
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i think you represent a pretty standard woman in todays society. just not being turned on at all by men who have that weakish tendecy. not cool but i think totally understandable.
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Wow...I've got a multitude of thoughts going off on this subject...and I sincerly hope you won't feel insulted at with my first one. So Uncle Spidey, forgive me in advance...yes? To take umbruge with a book you haven't read yet is pretty much on the same level as all the Pat Robinson's of the world saying that "The Last Temptation of Christ" was a blasphemous movie and should be banned, when in truth if one believes that Jesus was a real man sent to experience all that man does, it's a beautiful story of acceptance of one's ultimate fate. So...Read the books Uncle Spidey. As it turn out, the underlying theme of the books is the ultimate healing of a man with some very deep and painful soul deep wounds. The "sub" is ultimately his saving grace. Which if you really think about it, who then holds the power? As any true Dom will tell you, in order to become the Dom he/she had to become the sub first. Men as subs? I think people would be completely surprised at the "type" of man who wishes to be a sub. They are usually very powerful, strong confident men who just need someone else to take the reins for a while. There's nothing wrong with that. Double standard you say? Wow...it hits a nerve when the shoe is on the other foot huh? Women have been living with double standards since the beginning of time. Even on here...women who are confident in their sexuality are still for the most part seen as woman "you don't take home to Moma"...ignorance runs amuck. It really comes down to what each individual person is looking for...attraction is a personal thing. Why is it "not cool" that Kath is not turned on by it? It's just not her preference and that should be ok. I like my cup of tea hot, hot, hot, but I certainly don't care and/or judge you if you like your's with a bit of ice. Right?  I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
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Wow...I've got a multitude of thoughts going off on this subject...and I sincerly hope you won't feel insulted at with my first one. So Uncle Spidey, forgive me in advance...yes? To take umbruge with a book you haven't read yet is pretty much on the same level as all the Pat Robinson's of the world saying that "The Last Temptation of Christ" was a blasphemous movie and should be banned, when in truth if one believes that Jesus was a real man sent to experience all that man does, it's a beautiful story of acceptance of one's ultimate fate. So...Read the books Uncle Spidey. As it turn out, the underlying theme of the books is the ultimate healing of a man with some very deep and painful soul deep wounds. The "sub" is ultimately his saving grace. Which if you really think about it, who then holds the power? As any true Dom will tell you, in order to become the Dom he/she had to become the sub first. Men as subs? I think people would be completely surprised at the "type" of man who wishes to be a sub. They are usually very powerful, strong confident men who just need someone else to take the reins for a while. There's nothing wrong with that. Double standard you say? Wow...it hits a nerve when the shoe is on the other foot huh? Women have been living with double standards since the beginning of time. Even on here...women who are confident in their sexuality are still for the most part seen as woman "you don't take home to Moma"...ignorance runs amuck. It really comes down to what each individual person is looking for...attraction is a personal thing. Why is it "not cool" that Kath is not turned on by it? It's just not her preference and that should be ok. I like my cup of tea hot, hot, hot, but I certainly don't care and/or judge you if you like your's with a bit of ice. Right?
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I feel ya Spidey, and I get your point. Had the roles been reversed I can't say that the book would have been such a big seller, so yes, I totally get the double standard issue. Double standards suck no matter what the situation. As a woman I'm well versed in them.  Thank you for not getting pissed...  I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
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I feel ya Spidey, and I get your point. Had the roles been reversed I can't say that the book would have been such a big seller, so yes, I totally get the double standard issue. Double standards suck no matter what the situation. As a woman I'm well versed in them. Thank you for not getting pissed...
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