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Dinosaur Bones
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Dinosaur Bones Dinosaur Bones Well hello again folks, as a couple of you have noticed (all 3 of you) I have been a little preoccupied the last little while and haven’t spent much time in our little virtual universe. Daddy’s little girl, my soon to be 25 yr old in Edmonton had decided we needed to renew our annual “daddy bail me out of something idiotic” event so I have been going back and forth to Edmonton putting out a few fires. So that damn pesky “real world” has had my attention and I have been very neglectful of my much more comfortable virtual world which also happens to be a lot fucking cheaper (sorry some residual anger at Daddy’s girl). So what to write about to renew things......over the past few weeks I have had quite a few topics go through my addled mind, though I have missed out on local gossip despite the best efforts of the always lovely and ever annoying MrsRoss and a few others, LOL, that ought to get you some emails Rossy (“what the hell you telling that guy”) lmao. The topic of the day is going to be one that is very much orientated towards myself ... Aging ... (hence the dinosaur bones title). Hello my name is Sarge and I am old I admit it. I don’t necessarily like the idea, like many others I have wished many times I could go back with the knowledge and experience I have and be 20 again, but alas not to be.....unless I can get Stewie to share his time machine secrets (obligatory family guy reference). But until then, I accept it. The fact that I have accepted being old seems to annoy some folks, quite a few in fact. It seems if I am 47, and refer to myself as old, then others around my age feel the need to correct me because they don’t feel old (and correcting me always goes well). So there comes the need to actually explain why I am old.....seriously, is this something I thought I would have to defend? But here are the indisputable facts that prove I am old. First there is the simple physical aspect of aging. Now at my peek, say about 28, I was a fucking monster, 240 lbs, maybe 4% body fat, hard and lean and trust me I loved my body. Now almost 20 years later, about 10 more lbs and the old body fat ratio in double digits, I am no longer in love with the body. I am fortunate that being tall helps disguise things but trust me I am nowhere near the boy I was. I now have man boobs......sigh, is there anything more depressing fellas than when your rock hard pecs turn into cleavage? Then there is the fact of 40 years of abusing my body, 33 broken bones, several wounds and even multiple surgeries to rebuild this man (still only worth about $60 grand and not $6 million) has had an effect. I now moan when I stand up after sitting too long (thanks to a broken back in ’91) and need to stretch. If I play with the or dogs on my knees, I can’t get up without leaning on something (I no longer think those “help I can’t get up” commercials are funny). Aches and pains are a daily part of my life, nothing debilitating, I am still a tough and mean of a bitch but they are there. Then there are activities. Being a soldier, I couldn’t have been in better shape, a 50 km march....pffffft....barely break a sweat. Now??? I don’t walk to 7-11 for a slurpee, grabbing the car keys instead. I used to take stairs 3 at a time to build my glutes....lol, now I find myself grabbing the railing.....and more than one person has heard “where the hell is the elevator”. The worst part is back in the day, I was a machine, when I was with a lady and in the mood, I could bang off a weekend with only some gaitoraide and pee breaks. Now??? You get one good old college try and if you want immediate seconds....go see the guy down the hall (I am not a believer in the little blue pill obviously....going for 4 hours is a road trip, not sex). And on the topic of sex......I actually creep myself out a bit if I catch myself even glancing at a woman under 30....even accidentally. Then there are the other physical signs of aging....and they are definitely proof positive that God has a sense of humour. The inverse hair migration. You guys know what I am talking about. The hairline starts sliding back, farther and farther, and yet while that hair disappears, all of a sudden there is a sudden growth of ear and back hair. I haven’t seen a barber in ages, but I have to shave my ears and trim my eyebrows....and have actually thought about getting a back waxing....WTF. So there is the physical proof. Now for the personality proof. I hate teenagers. Without a fucking hesitation, I hate those long haired dope smoking green peace freaks. LOL, it sounds funny, but even my friends start to get on my nerves after about 15 (we won’t go into my own damn ). Now I am famous for getting along with , but teenagers.....forget it. I have a debilitating personality trait when it comes to communicating with teenagers. I have common sense Have you actually tried debating with a .....OMG, it’s easier to train a wild wolf to shake a paw than to get one of them to understand the simple realities of life. If I hear the word “like” ever again it will be too soon....how the hell did that word become a speech impediment? Yes I have become the grumpy old man. I can still remember my youth, and for the life of me I couldn’t remember having the balls some of these have nowadays. Once again, big, mean, old bastard, sitting at a cafe, these little brats have no fear in coming up and saying “Hey Buddy, give me a smoke”.....are you fucking serious?? First of all the term “buddy” is considered a huge insult in the Army so not a great start, and then the attitude if you say no......more balls than brains. I also find myself getting more and more rigid in my belief and ideals. Now I still consider myself reasonably open-minded, but for the most part I doubt at my age I am changing my opinion on things too much. A good example of that. Cell phones. I hate cell phones. I have accepted that they serve a purpose. I even have one. But the way they have permeated our society annoys me to no end...and remember I was a tech who built the digital switching systems. All my friends call me a dinosaur, but some things aren’t going to change. I don’t take my cell phone with me everywhere. I will never talk in public on the phone and get very annoyed at people who do. I fucking hate texting. I absolutely refuse to be one of these mindless robots hunched over a two inch screen typing with their thumbs about “do you think sally was cute”. All my friends know they can text me all they want, just don’t expect an answer. And to me, if what you have to say isn’t important enough to waste a phone call on, then don’t bother at all. Another thing that I will never change my opinion of. Facebook. There is something absolutely creepy to me about 40 yr old men on facebook. And save me the argument about keeping in touch with family and friends. The phone worked fine for decades, and I truly do not give a flying fuck what kind of pizza you just ordered, or who tagged you in what pic. There is something very OCD about mature people spending hours on facebook......and I know I just pissed off the last few people who read my blogs, but this is one old mans opinion. Another stubborn old belief of mine, grown men wearing running shoes. Does anything look goofier than grampa in runners. If you are participating in something athletic, fine but appropriate shoes for appropriate clothes.......God I am a crusty old bastard.....lol. Now for some of the more subtle things that are proof I am getting older. When I was a , back in the day, we lived fairly comfortably. My parents were well to do so we had all the “toys” of the day. One of my biggest pet peeves was TV and my dad. Back then we had the 26 inch floor model with the dial for changing channels, and there were only 3 channels and one was French. Well my dad would come home from work, sit in “his” chair, and watch his stupid ass wild kingdom shows. Sure enough in 15 minutes he was asleep and snoring, so me and my brothers would sneak up and try to change the channel to something good, and as soon as we did, that old bastard would wake up and give us shit saying “I was watching that”....fucking liar. Well now at 47, what do I find myself doing? Getting all snuggled up on my couch and watching National Geographic TV......sigh.....full circle. Now there is no way I have become my dad, but a lot of the things I used to identify with “old people” as a , I now do or I am comfortable with. I now place more emphasis on how comfortable something is to wear than how it looks. I still spend way too much money on cars, but now I actually look for value than just how cool a car looks. So, other than humiliating myself as usual, I hope I have proven positive to those few who felt the need to debate, I am an old man......and I am fine with that. Sarge |
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LMFAO Just think yourself lucky it took you till 47 to end up like that...I'm like that NOW!!! "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
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5/20/2011 7:45 pm |
"though I have missed out on local gossip despite the best efforts of the always lovely and ever annoying MrsRoss and a few others, LOL, that ought to get you some emails Rossy (“what the hell you telling that guy”) lmao." *ahem* Really. Fishing publicly now are we?  And you do realize that "Now I still consider myself reasonably open-minded" and "but for the most part I doubt at my age I am changing my opinion on things too much...I also find myself getting more and more rigid in my belief and ideals." Are completely contradictory?  but funny stuff as always Dinosaur, lol... "I reject your version of reality & substitute my own"  Offended Yet? Sign Here: [post 2929227] I mean seriously, DO IT!! Have you ever tried Sloggin' it? Blogger Slogger The best of some of the Canucks I love: [blog CanadaWeek]
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LOL and what am I fishing for Rossy.....lol, and who in the hell ever said I wasnt contradictory......its my world and I make the rules.
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5/24/2011 7:21 am |
"LOL and what am I fishing for Rossy.....lol, and who in the hell ever said I wasnt contradictory......its my world and I make the rules." *chuckle* No stealing my tag line! "I reject your version of reality & substitute my own" Offended Yet? Sign Here: [post 2929227] I mean seriously, DO IT!! Have you ever tried Sloggin' it? Blogger Slogger The best of some of the Canucks I love: [blog CanadaWeek]
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