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| Blogs > PalmBillSprings > What's Billie Thinking? |
"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together…”
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"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together…” Believe it or not, I actually want to thank the people of Senior Sizzle for last night, and not for what the people of Senior Sizzle did but for what you didn’t do. Last night was a bad night. Well, not entirely true and in the bigger picture was exactly the opposite, but to describe with one word what Saturday night was for me I would probably go with desperation. You notice that I seem to use the clichés in all my serious blogs? I guess it is official; I am becoming my father. Between the clichés and the off-key singing around the house, not to mention the fact that I never seem to stay on topic anymore, I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together… Desperation; a middle of the road Stephen King novel, and the emotional state I found myself in on Saturday evening. My lady friend was away for the weekend after having spent some time with me on Friday evening; I got another opportunity said Friday evening to dress with her as Billie but activities were limited due to the fact that her monthly friend was visiting. While she was away Saturday afternoon we shared several racy texts and I dressed and sent some photos, all of which bumped up the sexual excitement and desire up to eleven… So, just take care of yourself and think of her, right? Well, that’s where I make it complicated for myself. She has expressed in conversation that she has been a little disappointed that she hasn’t been able to bring me to orgasm, sexually, and there aren’t the words complete enough in my vocabulary to tell her that this is what I want too. She actually has, twice, but both times were while still in panties (both of us) and I changed out of them pretty much right away. She has no issues with that, what she is disappointed in is that she has tried with hands and mouth, indoors and outdoors, while I am dressed as Bill and when dressed as Billie, all to no avail. Millions of reasons, and a topic for a blog of its own to be sure, but my thinking is that two of the major reasons are because I masturbate frequently and have my whole life, and I have smoked cigarettes almost as long. So, I have been trying to cut down on both, especially the masturbation – just imagine how much fun I must be to be around just lately?! – and wait until we’re together again, she and I. Though a very strong friendship and on a very frequent schedule of togetherness, coupled with both the physical and emotional (text/verbal) sexual level we are achieving, we still do not label ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. I have never and would never cheat in a relationship but these are very unusual times, and all the<b> sexual tension </font></b>that had built up through the weekend had me doing things that just screamed desperation. I lost count, and as a side note I have actually heard from one person that this is a bad thing to do physically, but one of the games that took me through Saturday was bringing myself to the edge but not going over, and I don’t know how many times I did that before falling into bed after midnight. A bubble bath and later dress up and photos, I eventually found myself hopping in and out of the public chatrooms here and constantly refreshing the latest information button on Senior Sizzle’s Instant Messenger. I watched the cams as well, playing the edge game all the while, and… If the ‘right’ person had come along; hit me up smoothly on the instant messenger, sent a friendly e-mail, spoke to me through their audio while I was checking out their cams or even caught me with the right compliment in the public chatrooms…well, I don’t know that I wouldn’t have made that jump. Turns out nobody did, and further turns out that I somehow survived wiser and prouder for it, no matter how much the fool I acted then. Members of Senior Sizzle get the lion share of the thank you because it is where I spent most of my evening, but I suppose I should also thank all of my elderly neighbors who go to bed at sundown and allow me to prance in semi-public in and about my house. So, for all of the above and for simple fate; thank you. Lyric quote; I Am The Walrus by The Beatles Guh-nite. ~Billie  |
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