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Blogs > thax013 > Head Splinters

Getting to a better place.  

thax013 46M
534 posts
7/3/2019 12:42 pm

Last Read:
7/13/2019 9:18 pm
Getting to a better place.
So far, it has gotten much better. Part of me is still waiting for this to crash again. I guess that would be my negativity part. Part of me is so numb, that it no longer cares, that would be my self preservation part. Most of me is excited, yet still hurting.

Previous, I’ve cut myself, and poured rubbing<b> alcohol </font></b>upon the wound. The burning pain always reminded me that I was indeed alive, not something else ... some eclectic dream spasm of the brain, or whatever. Yesterday, my finger got a small slice. Blood? Well yes, I guess. I didn’t care about that. I could not remember how I got sliced. I used some<b> alcohol. </font></b>No burn, no pain, just more blood.

Am I dreaming? Or ... Have I gotten so used to this throbbing pain, that I cannot feel normal pain anymore? The show must go on.

I don’t know. I saw this picture years ago, and it feels true, for me anyway. I just saw it again recently, and saved it. I think one of my issues is that I am polite. Too polite. Too often. I have always cared more for others than myself. Perhaps that is not hot sexy. So I remain cool ... patient, questioning. Does it even matter that I am on this ball of dirt called Earth? Sigh. In the long run. Yes. In the short term, a definite no. I am too good of a follower, a worker, a support system. I do not know if I can be the hot blast of flame. Just the slow, smoldering burn. ... Why do so many women want the aspects that I despise?

I am in a better place. Still emotionally troubled, questioning. I still have holes in my heart, I have just put some wall paper over them. I am still a broken person. I truly hope it improves.

Visit my blog if you want to at thax013 and thank you very much!
CleavageFan4U 67M
69374 posts
7/4/2019 5:59 am

 Let's hope this is truly the bottom.

All American Male, on HNW
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thax013 replies on 7/4/2019 1:27 pm:
I hope so too, but another low will loom after this one passes. I just hope the high is solid and lengthy.

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