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Blogs > Insindiary > Insindiary's Diary

Bang  

Insindiary 52M
263 posts
4/11/2013 10:19 am
Bang

Have you ever been to a gang bang before? I was asked yesterday.

No, I said truthfully, and that was odd.

Why not? With my kinky resume, this is something I should have done many times, starting many years ago.

I have been interested in participating. I've been invited to one or two; planned to go. But somehow, it never worked out.

The woman who asked me the question is planning one tomorrow, and she invited me.

I don't know her. I just started talking and<b> swapping </font></b>pictures with her on line this week. I found her invitation through a kinky website.

And I have to say, I find the idea thrilling. I told her I would go, and I'm excited about it.

Really excited. I've been to many sex parties in the last few years. They were exciting at first; scary but promising. Then they became routine, and eventually disappointing.

I blame myself for being bored at a sex party. If I don't have the balls to ask for what I want, or to proposition myself to the women I want, then I deserve to be disappointed.

I'm friends with most of those women on Facebook now. I read about their and their jobs and their relatives, etc. I know a lot of intimate things in their lives, but I've never known them intimately. Then there is a weird place in my head that wonders, if I ever ask one of these friends to play with me, and I'm rejected, will it change our casual friendship I've become accustomed to, and comfortable with?

I suppose I have some fear of intimacy. I'm part of a swinging community. Everyone knows everyone else. If I get close, sexually close to someone in that community, it's no secret. If I inadvertently hurt someone, or get hurt by someone, it's known in the community. I don't know why that's even a concern in my head, but it is. It's yet another thing that keeps me from asserting myself.

So, a gang bang. I'm going to a party where sex is not only possible, it is a certainty. Not only am I welcome to participate, I'm kind of required to. There will be little or no socializing. I don't have to wonder if I'm going to be rejected. I'm not. There will be only one woman. I will have no doubts in my head that I'm neglecting one woman by interacting too much with another. There will be several men. There will be no wondering if I'm monopolizing one woman's time, or if another guy would like me to back off a bit so he can have more time with her. On the surface, "sex party" looks similar to "gang bang," but to me there are stark differences.

So, yeah. The thought of participating in a gang bang at this point in my life appeals to me. It is surprising just how much it appeals to me.

I've been horny all week, and my wife is enjoying that. If nothing else, the prospect has revitalized me a little bit, and that is welcome. By having a different type of kinky party to compare and contrast against the types of kinky parties I've been going to, I can see a bit more clearly where my problems are.

I want to go to a gang bang, because I know I won't be rejected. At traditional play parties, I don't ask women to play with me because I've already rejected myself.

I'm just starting to understand this now, and suddenly.

So I think I'll try drifting away from my comfortable community for just one night, and experimenting with what it means to be new to a group, and instantly accepted.

Less gang, more bang.

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