Virtual Symposium On “On Slut”: Ethics, Sluttery, And The Single Swinger - a Blog Post by humorlife

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7/26/2015 2:16 am

Virtual Symposium On “On Slut”: Ethics, Sluttery, And The Single Swinger

This blog entry is part of the tenth virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted for a single topic (“On Slut”) and agreed, on or about July 26, to post their interpretations of that topic. A continually updated list of participants can be found here: Participants List For The Tenth Virtual Symposium On Slut

Are you a good slut or a bad slut? Or are you confused as to whether you’re a slut at all? Thankfully, there’s a double helping of guidance in “The Ethical Slut” – the canonical text on non-monogamy. Within its pages, authors Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy (the latter called herself Catherine A. Liszt in an earlier edition) cover a wide range of definitions, myths and realities, behavior, skills, and negative reactions.

Even if a reader chooses not to take Easton and Hardy’s words as gospel – and really, no book should ever be swallowed without being chewed first – their ideas deserve serious consideration.

The book offers two definitions of what a slut is – a promiscuous literary quirk which seems oddly appropriate, given the subject. The definitions are similar, but they offer slight variations in their attempts to codify slutdom.

Initially, a slut is defined as “a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.” Toward the book’s end, the authors define a slut as someone who “celebrates sexuality with an open mind and an open heart.” Both definitions work.

Now, if the book were only concerned with the broad points of sluttery, it would be fairly short. But Easton and Hardy do the sluts of the world – and the people who fuck them – a valuable service by offering several considerations of ethics. In broad strokes (although this will not do the book justice – read it) ethical sluts:

• Value consent
• Are honest with themselves and others
• Recognize the ramifications of their sexual choices
• Are respectful of others’ feelings
• Own their feelings, and seek the support they need in order to feel safe and cared for

Swingers in the audience may have a small quibble with Easton and Hardy. The authors take pains to use inclusive language whenever possible. Their discussions of sluttery are gender-, preference-, and orientation-neutral, and practice-agnostic… with one exception. In a few places language slips in which indicates a bias about swinging – that it’s a practice among couples. As the authors characterize it:

Swinging is a broad term that gets used to define a wide variety of interactions, ranging from long-term two-couple sexual pairings through the wildest of Saturday-night puppy-pile orgies…. They are most often coupled, and are often more mainstream in their politics, lifestyles, and personal values than other kinds of sluts.

Maybe, maybe not. Certainly the political observations hold true if one examines only swinging couples. In 1985, sociologist R. J. Jenks found that 32 percent of swingers described themselves politically conservative, 41 percent were politically moderate, while only 27 percent said they were liberal. (Granted, this was during the Reagan presidency. The nation as a whole identified as more conservative.)

When one factors in solo swingers, the characteristics may shift a bit. (One would need a survey of said soloists, and that data isn’t readily available.) But first one has to acknowledge that swinging can be an individual pursuit. Easton and Hardy include both celibate and self-identified asexual individuals as legitimate categories of slut. If a celibate person can be slutty, a single person can swing!

I once heard the distinction that lifestyle couples are swingers, while single individuals are players. I reject this: The term “player” has negative connotations, including overtones of disingenuousness. The whole point to being an ethical slut is to avoid being duplicitous. Single people swing – ethically and not, just like couples.

Fair’s fair: Easton and Hardy pepper their book with discussions of individual sluts who play with couples (and more). And they do include a section on singles who are “lover to a couple.” So they at least acknowledge single sluts: Recognizing single swingers shouldn’t be that big a leap.

This is a picayune quarrel, however, with a book that should have a place of honor on any self-respecting slut’s bookshelf. And it should be mandatory reading for any slut who is not self-respecting. It offers a great roadmap for ethics, honor, and joy.

Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic

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