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Virtual Symposium on The One Piece Of Advice for Newbie Swingers: Slow Down!
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Virtual Symposium on The One Piece Of Advice for Newbie Swingers: Slow Down! This blog entry is part of the fourth virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted on a single topic (The One Piece Of Advice I’d Give) and agreed, on or about Jan. 24, to post their interpretations of that topic. A continually updated list of participants can be found here: Participants List For The Fourth Virtual Symposium The One Piece Of Advice Id Give The Internet runneth over with advice for newbie and would-be swingers. It’s hard to know what constitutes an expert in swinging – there are no academic programs in it, nor is there any other sort of certification for individuals. But good advice is often self-apparent, and one of the best pieces of it around comes from Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues. Ensler wasn’t talking about swinging per se when she asked a number of women to answer the question “If your vagina could talk, and it could say two words, what would it say?” The top answer? “Slow down!” Ensler is right: About the only place where slowing down is not advised is on an on ramp. There’s a chopped-up version of The Vagina Monologues on a popular video hosting site: Search for it on the video sharing site (he said, after his post was denied because of the link) Be forewarned: The video deals, in part, with some VERY difficult, very unsettling subjects which can’t be named here. That said, Ensler’s piece is absolutely worth watching. Relationship counselor Rach Wilson echoes Ensler’s advice on the blogsite heednly (“For liberated and sexually-adventurous couples and individuals like you”) in a post titled “HOW TO APPROACH THE ‘LET’S START SWINGING’ CONVERSATION.” As Wilson puts it, “The key here is affirming your feelings for [your partner], suggesting the idea and to start slow.” (Emphasis mine.) Wilson’s post is worth reading in full, but as part of it she offers (and elaborates on) five hints regarding how to broach the topic of swinging with a partner. The subtext of “Slow down” shines through in each. The five points – each of which has more to it than what I give below – are: 1. If you haven’t even broached the topic at all, then test their receptiveness by throwing in the odd comment or question. 2. When it comes to “the” conversation, reaffirm how much you love and adore them before suggesting you open up your relationship to swinging fun. 3. Discuss the idea of trying something new to spice things up and explore new things; something very benign to start with. 4. Put them in the driver’s seat; let them know there is no pressure and at anytime they can call a “time out” or halt things if they are feeling uncomfortable. 5. Give them the “temporary” option. Wilson also offers tips about when to – and not to – introduce the topic. Basically, don’t use variant sex as a weapon, and do bring it up in the context of an additional joyful experience. Swinging is an activity that requires trust. Building trust in a relationship – or, in the case of someone who is “just” a swing partner, a friendship – takes time. A partner who has been coerced into swinging, whether by nagging, bullying, or bribery – before he or she is ready isn’t going to be a good partner… and these tactics can damage a relationship. Slow down. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic |
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HD some awesome advise here.. ty again for doing this Virtual Symposium. Topic this week was awesome.. hugssssssssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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Gotta stop to smell the roses, so to speak....or coffee, or chloroform....whatever your favorite smell is. Slowing the pace only intensifies the sensations. I have always found this to me true. Unless you are comatose, then by all means, get up to warp speed, Scotty!
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"About the only place where slowing down is not advised is on an on ramp." Sage advice indeed. Advice should generally be taken with a grain of salt but I can't think of a single objection to this pearl of wisdom. It can be drunk straight from the bottle without mixers. Slowly. There will be pitfalls enough even while maintaining a safe sane and comfortable stopping distance. Tailgating at a high rate of speed is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. The advice might not be mixed but my metaphors are getting that way and I'd better quit while I can still pass the drunk test. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Rushing someone into something is a form of bullying, and -- as a formerly bullied kid -- I've long had a special aversion to bullying, in its myriad forms. What I didn't say -- and perhaps should have -- is that I can pretty much guarantee that when one partner is pushed into swinging, sooner or later (and smart money is on sooner) both partners are going to find the whole experience unsatisfying. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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HD some awesome advise here.. ty again for doing this Virtual Symposium. Topic this week was awesome.. hugssssssssssss V But yeah, the virtual symposium is great fun, and I'm looking forward to more, and more, and more! By the way, folks are always welcome to send me topic suggestions. I already have a list of about two dozen, which I'll be offering a handful at a time in the months to come, but there's always room for more... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Gotta stop to smell the roses, so to speak....or coffee, or chloroform....whatever your favorite smell is. Slowing the pace only intensifies the sensations. I have always found this to me true. Unless you are comatose, then by all means, get up to warp speed, Scotty! Rose-scented coffee? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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"About the only place where slowing down is not advised is on an on ramp." Sage advice indeed. Advice should generally be taken with a grain of salt but I can't think of a single objection to this pearl of wisdom. It can be drunk straight from the bottle without mixers. Slowly. There will be pitfalls enough even while maintaining a safe sane and comfortable stopping distance. Tailgating at a high rate of speed is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. The advice might not be mixed but my metaphors are getting that way and I'd better quit while I can still pass the drunk test. That said, I'm an excellent passenger... and I've been scared witless by people who are hesitant in the driver's seat. Never mind the life you save being your own... it might be mine! Now, about this open-container commenting problem of yours... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Everyone bustling in a big hurry to and fro, I like the idea, "Slow Down"! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Hosting is nothing. It's PARTICIPATING that makes or breaks the symposium. Thank YOU! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Yeah, that's a fairly often overlooked point in these sorts of discussions... with the exception of whether or not to, say, raise a kid, most decisions aren't permanent, and can evolve as a relationship evolves. And... thank you! We have an amazing crop of participants this time around... including a solid handful of new bloggers! Even though the hotlinks are being wonky, I hope readers take the time to check out their offerings... and I hope they come back and vote on future topics! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I'll add my thanks for participating in it! As for lifestyle changes... yeah, trust is the watchword. And trust takes time. I thought Rach Wilson's approach -- and I really do hope people read the full article -- is quite sane. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Most common misconception of swinging lifestyle is that it's all about rushing through various sex partners. Similar misconception applies to other areas of our lives: to live life to the fullest, we've got to hurry through it. Nothing could be more wrong! To truly enjoy whatever we're doing, we need to slow down and engage all of our senses, take time to learn and appreciate and indulge... Terrific advice! Thank you, HG, for hosting The Symposium and, of course, for letting me participate. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Most common misconception of swinging lifestyle is that it's all about rushing through various sex partners. Similar misconception applies to other areas of our lives: to live life to the fullest, we've got to hurry through it. Nothing could be more wrong! To truly enjoy whatever we're doing, we need to slow down and engage all of our senses, take time to learn and appreciate and indulge... Terrific advice! Thank you, HG, for hosting The Symposium and, of course, for letting me participate. As for "letting" you participate... all are welcome, but I am personally delighted you chose to participate. It required effort on your (and every participant's) part... and I'm glad you (and others) find the exercise gratifying. Y'all come back, hear? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Thank you! Let me know if you check out the Eve Ensler video -- actually, that goes for everyone -- as I'd welcome hearing folks' reactions to it! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Rach Wilson seems like one of the better swinging advice columnists out there. It wasn't easy to find which advice-for-swingers outlet I wanted to hang my post on -- there were several pretty good ones, and a LOT of really superficial ones -- but Wilson very succinctly nailed a lot of excellent points. And when she echoed Eve Ensler, I was hooked. Speaking of Eve Ensler, to readers who might be taken aback by dnafun11's first word, know that one of the monologues within The Vagina Monologue is about "Reclaiming Cunt" as a lovely word. (Really, folks, track down the monologues online and watch them.) I'm pretty sure dnafun11 was referring to that... although he/she may have been making a comment about me. Either way, gratefully accepted! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I was a liberal arts major, and the hard sciences make me itch... but I would pay cash, and a fair amount of it, for a medical textbook which uses the word cunt! It would have a prized place on my bookshelf, right next to Strunk & White. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I concur....so true. I've seen so many partners "rush" the other into swinging. The saddest thing ever, is to look into a "not completely into it" eyes of a partner who goes along to get along...
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I concur....so true. I've seen so many partners "rush" the other into swinging. The saddest thing ever, is to look into a "not completely into it" eyes of a partner who goes along to get along... Than you, again and as always, for sharing your wisdom from the playing field! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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HG Trust me....I will end things in a flash. Once had a 3sum experience where the wife fell asleep in the bed.....and the husband was still up and raring to go. When I asked that he wake his wife, he replied, "oh, I can fuck her anytime"...Game OVER!
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very wise advice!!!! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Great advise that applies just about everywhere. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Great advise that applies just about everywhere. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Nobody here said ewe toob... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Thank you, and welcome to the blog! C'mon back now, hear? Especially if you want to discuss putting that advice into action... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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