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| Blogs > professor_jeff > From A Guy's Viewpoint |
Is dating easier for single dads than single moms?
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Is dating easier for single dads than single moms? Many bloggers have noted the marketability of a single dad who appeared on ABC’s Bachelorette. Seems he got a ton of fan mail. Conversely, many readers strongly disagreed saying single moms have it tougher than single dads. Matt, single after his wife tragically passed away with the birth of their . He wrote that society has mythologized the good single father, and women daily send him emails saying they’d love to be the woman in his life. He states that a woman in his shoes wouldn’t get the same attention. From my position, dating is NOT easier for single dads than single moms. That’s been my experience, at least, and I’ve been at this game for five years. Now before you whether I’m date-able, know that I’ve had post-divorce dating success ‒ a few serious relationships and tons of short term flings. Women tend to like me and say I am a good lover. But finding someone to accept the entire package for the long haul has been a challenge. Matt blogs that there are a lot of women who would love to adopt his built-in family. With all due respect to his departed wife, perhaps his being a widower is a factor. Any woman who joins his family will be the woman in his family’s life. For me as a divorced man with summer parenting time custody, any woman joining my family will certainly be the woman in my house, but will take second fiddle to the biological mom when it comes to the . Most women want no part of that. (Yes, I realize there are exceptions. But those women haven’t tended to come my way.) Besides fantasizing Matt as the perfect husband and father, some women might fantasize themselves in the role of nurturing mother and wife. They simply can’t do that with me and my . Three women said they will not date me because I have younger and their are all out of the house. Another said that if she entered my life, she wouldn’t have a role. The already have a mom. I already take care of the family and home. Two turn and ran when they found I moved 925 miles away for a job ‒ they could not understand under any circumstances how I could do that and blasted me for it. Several women have told me flat out they won’t date me seriously because they don’t want a built-in family. It was ok to join their family but mine was off-limits. (I did get several offers to be a<b> booty call </font></b>friend with benefits). Single dads don’t have it tougher than single moms. It’s probably about the same. Dating as a single parent is complicated. Period. As a single dad deeply involved in my ’ lives ‒ we still talk daily, use video conferencing, phone conferences with teachers, three visits up north to visit them and having them down with me over the summer ‒ I run into gender stereotyped discrimination all the time. The schools send notices to mom but not to me. The doctor’s office calls mom but not me. It’s frustrating. Women I’ve encountered see me as different. Their husbands don’t cook and clean and take care of the ; or the ex basically wants nothing to do with the and they have to fight with them just to see their (I would take custody in a heart beat). Broad generalizations that lead to societal myths are damaging to involved dads like me as we try to don the non-traditional role of single care provider. All you have to just look at all the entertainment media for depicting so many deadbeat dads. Talk about setting dads back a century or two. I strongly believe in gender equality. But please do me a favor; let’s leave gender bias out of the single-parent dating debate. |
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8/6/2008 2:43 pm |
You make so many really good points here, especially on the idea that dating a single dad whose partner is dead is so much easier for the woman: no competition, no sharing the kids etc etc. It's a bit like when people want to adopt children as young babies, so there is no prior history to complicate matters. Who wants to adopt an 8 year old? (and I speak as an adopted child there). Dating as a single parent is complicated. Period. So true. And what drives me insane is when guys on Senior Sizzle message me wanting to get together for a night of rampant NSA sex that very evening - either they think kids can ust be locked in a cupboard or - more likely - the presence of young children in my house hasn't been in any way factored into their pea sized brains. For such men, the answer is always no. Blogito ergo sum.
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8/6/2008 7:06 pm |
I really don't know how to answer your question. I think is difficult for both. I think that if you really like a person it does not matter if he or she has children. Because I am also a mother, it would be easy for me to accept a single dad as a partner Inteligencia=erotismo 
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Dating as a single dad has been interesting to say the least. However unlike Matt, i'm dating for sport, not for keeps. Because of this, i tend to keep my dates away from my children and also try to avoid her children as well. The other Hollywood stereotype that you forgot to mention is the bumbling single father, who can't handle his kids without a woman to help him. That one just kills me. Parenting is a tough job, and it's twice as hard when you don't have a partner, but it is do-able, and twice as satisfying when you do it alone. "We are all worms, but i like to think of myself as a glow-worm" - Winston Churchill
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8/16/2008 11:50 am |
Interesting topic... I love seeing men that "take" care of their children and that may be because my daughter's father wasn't anywhere in her life until this last year when she turned 16. Maybe that was because he thought at least now I won't have to drive so far she can just come to me! I don't know that's just my thinking. Men that are raising their child(ren) are a very big turn on for me. I could care less if the ex is in the picture or not. I understand that some ex's can cause problems but you the partner or spouse of the other must figure out a way to diffuse the situation and STOP taking things so personal. Maybe I'm just fortunate I have gotten along with my 2 ex-husbands ex-wives and my first ex had two before me...one of them we got a long great, the other she was a very jealous woman (even though she was an ex, go figure) but if you learn how to deal with it then you learn how to diffuse the situation and eventually can at least be civil for everyone involved. My second ex his ex was a great lady and I applaud her for everything she has done to raise their 4 kids, She was a lady that I definitely admired. Wow how did I get on all that...anyway back to the topic at hand...I'm not sure if dad's have dating harder or not...I have found at least with the one dad that had sole custody of his children that his family was willing to "watch" the children anytime he said he wanted to go out because they "knew" he needed a break. For women...I don't think that is the case with trying to get family to watch them for a night out. So there is my two cent's xoxo ~Native Honey~
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8/23/2008 6:20 pm |
I never have any luck dating dads because they never seem to have reliable child care
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