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Rising Above Hate
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Rising Above Hate People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them. That is the truth. Let it sink in. What people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them and how they view the world. Now, I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things personally. In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide. The underlying key is to… Watch Your Response When something stressful happens in a social situation, what is your response? Some people jump right into action – but oftentimes immediate action can be harmful. Others get angry, or sad. Still others start to feel sorry for themselves… and victimized… and left thinking: “Why can’t other people behave better?” Responses like these are not healthy or helpful. In fact, whenever your response lacks a mindful level of acceptance you’re likely taking things too personally. And you’re not alone. We all make this mistake sometimes. If someone does something we disagree with, we tend to interpret this as a personal attack. For example... Our significant other doesn’t show affection? They must not care about us as much as they should! Our coworkers act inconsiderately at work? They must hate us! Someone hurts us? Everyone must be out to get us! Some people even think life itself is personally against them. But the truth is, almost nothing in life is personal – things happen, or they don’t, and it’s rarely all about anyone specifically. People have emotional issues they’re dealing with, and it makes them defiant, rude, and thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a barking in the distance, or a bumblebee buzzing by) that you can either respond to with a peaceful mindset, or not respond to at all. Like you, I’m only human, and I still take things personally sometimes when I’m in the heat of the moment. So I’ve implemented a simple strategy to support the practice of watching my response. In a nutshell, I proactively remind myself NOT to take things personally. Anytime I catch myself doing so, I pause and read the following mantras to myself. Then I take some fresh deep breaths… -You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them. -You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. -There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours. -Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Listen, and then operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide. -You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough. You don’t need other people to validate you – you’re already valuable. -If you truly wish to improve your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, stop allowing other people to be responsible for them. Stop allowing other people to dominate your emotions. -All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once an innocent baby. And that’s the tragedy of living. So when people are rude, be kind, be mindful, be your best. Give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it. As I am finishing up this post, I am reminded of all the senseless violence we see in our world today. Please don’t attach yourself to it. Do your best not to take it personally. Do your best to let it go – to rise above the hate. A small group of people may try to build barriers between us, but the rest of us can find a way to fly above them. Others can try to pin us down with a hundred thousand arms, but in numbers we can find a way to help one another back up. Yes, there are many of us out there, more than any of us likely realize, who know love is the answer. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to trade an eye for an eye. People who love in a world without conditions, who love into hate, into refusal, with faith, and without fear. And that gives me hope. Make love not war. How has “taking things personally” affected your life and relationships? Do you have any thoughts or insight to share? I would love to hear your feedback. Please leave a comment. |
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This is good "if I knew then what I know now" stuff. I've had so many bosses and co-workers try to deal with the way I took everything personally at work and none could ever get through to me. The only thing that worked for me was when I went to Alaska, I worked 16 hour days, 7 days a week. I was forced to learn to let things go because my body just wouldn't be able to take the stress while working those kinds of hours. Hopefully, other people can learn while going through less of an ordeal. It was something I had to learn though and I think pushing yourself through some tough things is helpful.
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having been the boss, I learned not to take most things personally. it was so important to hold a clear over view. but sometimes, things are personal. and it is directed just at you and it's real. when that happens, it's so critical to not react in a vindictive manner. To do all you can to hold the moral high ground. this doesn't ensure that you survive, but it does ensure that your dignity does. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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Nice post. I guess I don't generally take things personally most of the time. Even when I've been personally attacked I tend to think about why someone is saying what they are saying, what would make them think that way about me or say that or whatever they are being ugly about. But then again I've been accused of being aloof, detached etc. I know I do seem that way at times to some people but the people who know me know I'm just thinking and analyzing the situation. I do understand that some people do get caught up in the "it's all about me" frame of mind. Some people get to thinking that everybody needs to be like them and think like them and have the same opinions as them and anything else is not acceptable and those people who don't comply and agree must be pushed out. I find those people annoying like the barking dog example you mentioned but not worth getting upset about. I do like to consider how they got to that place in their life. But you are certainly right that people shouldn't take what other people do or say to them as an indication of their self worth or value. I've always suggested people ask "why is that person thinking that or doing that" when they are confronted with a personal attack or difficult situations with people. Vive La Difference
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My observations have been that people tend to take things personally because they assume malice instead of ignorance (lack of knowledge). I begin by assuming that people don't know and/or don't understand. If their response to me demonstrates willful ignorance and/or malice, then I'll take it personally because they have shown me that it is.
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It seems like there a lot people out there who can't rise above the rage burning within them..... Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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Thank you for sharing these seven strong mantras. I believe that I did take things personally one time with tragic results, but the circumstances were miscommunication on a Shakespearean level. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Very good post, Myelin. "Make love not war"! Hate is too desctructive and we have more than enough of it in this world.
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I live this post. It reminded me of "The Four agreements". I raised my kids with these ideas. I re-read the book yearly, in fact... Time to do that! The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I will admit that I have been feeling stressful lately but I know it will get sorted in the end. I always remind myself that there are a lot more people worse of than me in this world.
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I stop and think. Wicked is right- sometimes it is personal. I still stop and think. Often I'll get a different perspective by waiting and thinking it about it. You can't always do that in the real world. But online there is nothing so important that you can't wait and take time to think it over, personal or not. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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7/17/2016 7:06 pm |
It's interesting and somewhat frightening that some of the other blogs I follow seem to be saying the same thing. Seems to be an ironic "can't we all just get along" coupled with the steady decline in the idea of following the golden rule. A sad commentary in general, but I appreciate your attitude in proposing the glass half-full and suggested solutions. Thank you!
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Not taking things personally, along with "focus on the connection and the relationship will take care of itself" and "we are responsible for our own happiness" are the three key pieces of learning that changed my life. There is a very distinct before and after I learned these and began implementing them. Truly changed my life! And yes, sometimes people mean it very personally but that doesn't mean I have to take it personally - because I think it's still about them. As you and WE say, we can still let the universe take care of that while we take the high road and keep our dignity intact. Oh lordy, is that hard sometimes...  xoxo Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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