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Getting Off The Hamster Wheel
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Getting Off The Hamster Wheel If you're like me, you might feel like life seems like a never-ending "hamster wheel." In my case, it was all about expectations; and not even my own expectations, but the expectations that I was projecting onto other people. I felt that everyone expected me to be this wonderful mother AND keep the house in perfect order AND serve nourishing meals a minimum of once a day AND make sure that my family's clothing was always neat, clean, and fairly new AND get my wherever she needed to be AND be a "good listener and clinician always available for my family, and my (which is, after all, the job I am getting paid for) AND, AND, AND. It was pretty obvious that it was completely impossible to do all this, and to do it to the extremely high standards ingrained into me by my parents. (Who, I might mention, were both workaholics and often leaned heavily on me to pick up the slack raising my sisters throughout my childhood.) However, impossible as it was, I tried my very best to do it. I was afraid that, if I didn't somehow manage all of it, people would judge me, and find me inferior. That I would lose all my friends, everyone would hate me, and I would be alone, unloved, and outcast. Most of all, I was afraid that if I failed in even the smallest part of this, I would disappoint someone. And I couldn't bear the thought of causing anyone even a moment of unhappiness. Until I realized that there was only one way off that hamster wheel. And that was to just step off, and risk all that disapproval. To go ahead and let all of those people down. I felt terrible about it, and I wasn't able to do it all at once. But I did it. I stopped worrying about what others would think because I came to realize that it was much more important to do the things I could do, and do them well, than to try to do everything. I saw that the only person who really had the right to judge me was me, myself; and I realized that it was unrealistic and stretching myself thin in a vain attempt to be "perfect." I no longer stress over keeping my house spotless. I now require my to help more around the house and stopped correcting her "help" when she did step up to the plate. I decided to trust the way I'd raised my , turned my self-doubt over to the Universe, and let them work through their own issues, rather than second-guessing decisions. That continues to be a struggle because as you know with an adolescent, they are prone to error. But I went from telling them what to do, to asking what they thought they should do, and stepped back a little. (So far they seem just fine.) I decided to cut back on the hours a day I work and acknowledged that no one really needs as many material things as we think we do. Eventually I realized that people survive disappointment all the time. It's true, they may be disappointed when I can't answer their e-mail right away or attend every professional training or work-related events I'm frequently invited to but they all manage to live through it somehow. In time, I realized that the key was to give myself the same kind of slack that I gave everyone else. I don't expect perfection from others. I know that there are limits to what any one person can do. All I lacked was an understanding that it was OK to live within those limits myself. And you know what? My friends, although they might be disappointed, understand. They see what I do, and they don't expect more. Some of them are actually more relaxed around me now. Far from being friendless, alone, unloved, and outcast, I have more friends now than I've ever had before. Possibly because I'm not trying so hard and therefore more relaxed to be around. I don't know. I stopped trying to "make" time to do everything that everyone expected me to do, and instead started to "take" time to do the things I needed to do to keep myself balanced, relaxed, and happy. (What do people "make" time out of, anyway?) I constantly remind my to remember to put on their own air mask before they help others and I decided it was time to hold myself to the same standard. That, if I was run down, frazzled, cranky, or too weak or sick to move I wasn't much good to anyone else, either. I learned to say, "No." And I'm not on the hamster wheel any more. It's a great feeling. You should try it!  |
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Good for you I did the same with life at about 40. And when I turned 50 my friends and I decide we would and could do anything we want so enjoy life be happy and if it feels good do it many times. 
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"No" is the most important word to be happy!
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It's a powerful word Gives some of the control back to you.  Vive La Difference
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Great advice. I learned it the hard way and have been practicing it religiously since 2008. Took me 4 years to get there. It saved my life. In 2005, I was given just 3 to 6 months max to live without a heart transplant. I didn't get a new heart, had multiple strokes. In one stroke lost vision in my left eye, another one took away my photographic memory, sense of humor and language. Went from a resident genius to village idiot in no time. Fair weather friends and many family members disassociated from me. My wife gave me the "I love you but I am not in love with you" speech. We decided to be in an open marriage. Since I was going to die within months, I was hoping and praying she would find some one great. I came here to get laid  . That didn't happen for a long time. But what I got here can only described as a miracle. 15 or so bloggers, who individually were like jig saw puzzles (misfits in the world)with serious issues. When we came together, we fit perfectly. Somebody in the group has" been there done that" survived and had a solution, every time(like magic).Today I have near 20/20 vision in both eyes, reasonably good memory, Language(metaphors and wit) is slowly coming back, I take no medications, I look and feel a decade less than my age. But the most important thing is that by last summer when my youngest got his license and I bought him a new car, I had achieved every goal in my life. So did most of our gang from here. Once a person reaches physiologically where you are today, it is actually easy. Make a bucket list and a fuckit list. Just focus like a laser on the bucket list, dump everything else. I don't wish, want i went through on my worst enemy( I don't have one  ) but I wont change a thing. The great thing about having 3-6 months to live(in 2005) is that you learn to have thick skin and short memory. Dead man walking don't give a shit what other people think. I taught my kids to be resilient, kind and hard working. Both received U.S presidents award for volunteering and also good citizenship award.(didn't even know it existed until, we got the invite). Both attend top universities. Life is fantastic. Having achieved all my goals I am pursuing my wacky dreams of travel, sustainable development, preservation of ancient stuff , raising therapy dogs etc. and having FUN. I wish you the same. Loved your post.  "Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”― Immanuel Kant .
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Feels pretty good to NOT have to be Super Woman...right? lol I would imagine your friends are more relaxed around you because you're more relaxed. It's good that you're driven to accomplish so much much, but it's also good to give yourself permission to enjoy life. Pagan  Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!
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We all have to find a way to live beyond the expectations of others..... Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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Yes...setting boundaries is tough! I'm glad you found it! I can relate! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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I am glad that you have found what works for you. Life seems a balance of what we should do and what we can do.
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I much prefer to take time than to make time.
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I am glad you realized that years ago and have worked to get to this point! But, sorry if I made you worried you might disappoint me!!! LOL! One day we will get to meet and hang out together! It will be fun! I might even get to see a cute waitress attack you in person!!! Hehehehe! Hugs sexy!
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