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Can Porn Be a Detriment to a Relationship?
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Can Porn Be a Detriment to a Relationship? A University of Arkansas study found that a third of men use porn to ease boredom or stress; a fifth turn to it when they're lonely. Notwithstanding, the ubiquity of male porn use has become a battleground with couples presenting in my therapy practice. Wives complain about their husband's porn viewing habits and fear that it inflicts damage to their brains, limits their sexual performance, and changes their attitudes towards women, intimacy, and sex. Today, feminist values and perspectives continue to permeate the anti-porn debate and serve as a backdrop for the argument that porn is an addictive stimulus that overrides our natural evolutionary responses, changing our brains and bodies. Porn is presented as scary, insidious and deceptive. We are told to “be afraid, be very afraid” of what porn is doing to men. The real problem with porn is not that it is scary, but that it is free, convenient, and offers men a discounted option to the high cost of sex. Husbands argue that intercourse with their wives is less satisfying than porn and masturbation, because during sex with their wives “it’s on me to do all the work.” But, during porn, the husband can sit back, watch for free, “lose himself” in the fantasy of porn, and not have to do any "work". Essentially, he can be selfish with his sexuality. Because porn is free, and convenient, he can relax and focus on himself, exploring his fantasies, rather than maintaining focus on the needs of his partner. That is frightening to many, because there is a cultural value that sex isn’t supposed to be free, easy or casual. What say you? Do you think that porn can be a detriment to a relationship? Does porn destroy the ability for people to engage with their partners? Have you experienced any problems with a partner as a result of their porn viewing habits?  |
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Porn is like a KFC meal. It feels great when you're doing it, but afterwards, you feel really dirty and your hands are all sticky.  Seriously, I believe a little porn being watched by a couple can certainly add spice to sex. 
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9/27/2015 8:04 am |
The real problem with porn is not that it is scary, but that it is free, convenient, and offers men a discounted option to the high cost of sex. Absolutely. Consider a marriage. If I want sex, there is a price. I had better not make a single mistake all day, I had better not rise to any provocation my wife may throw down. The conditions I need to fulfill, in order to get sex are without limit. Any mood swing, in word expressed in the wrong perceived tone of voice. Hell, I have had a frickin' commercial ruin the mood. So, it's time for bed and frankly - I'm tired of being held to a unlimited number of conditions for me to be "allowed" to make love to my wife. So, a hot bath, some lotion or lube and I can just take care of myself. Am I punishing my wife? Maybe. But, consider, guys are not always "in the mood" to give a hug, to listen to a woman talk about what happened when she talked to her girlfriends, to rub feet, to do any of the thousands of things we are expected to do as caring partners. We do it, but we aren't always "in the mood to do it". Yet, when we express our basic needs - we often hear "I'm not in the mood". So, here is what is going to happen. 1) We are going to take care of our needs ourselves. And this may become a habit. If this keeps up too long, we may still love you as our wife/girlfriend; but you cease to become the target of our lusts. You can only get burned so many times by someone you love, until there is damage. This goes for both men and women. 2) We will find someone else. In my case, I love my wife dearly - but the sex is practically non-existant. I want a lover on the side, because I simply do not get my needs met at home, and there is little/no interest on her part to even try. At this point, I've practically given up. Am I wrong to do this? Probably, but I'll carry that guilt. 3) For some guys, they want everything or nothing. This is where divorce will come in. If their wife will not give them what they want - they toss everything as they would rather have NOTHING and start from scratch, than try to work things out. That's not me. I have pretty much everything I want from my marriage - except the sex, and while that's important to me, it's not everything. My opinions are my own, and you can't have them. I give no warranty that my opinions won't change.
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I would suggest that (in most cases) porn is the symptom rather than the cause ; as in porn is not the cause of relationship problems so much as a signal that other problems exist . If sex is less satisfying than masturbation that doesn't change if the porn goes away , that's a problem in and of itself . Or could be anyway . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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No sex life so no problems with a partner to report, but in a wider sense the disconnect between the sex men view via porn, and 'normal' real life sex may be a cause for concern. Also of concern is the idea that during sex men do all the work and should think solely on their own pleasure and not their partner's
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Hey where do I get a button like that for my computer?  Oh no I feel my brain shrinking!!! Or is it swelling?  So many people lose site of reality when engaged in the media available! It is a shame if they are losing a connection with their partner by getting caught up in porn. But then again maybe they weren't very well balanced to begin with if something so simple gets them so mixed up. I've noticed people tending to be more about me then about we now-a-days. Fantasy can be more exciting then reality but people need to be realistic. Sex is about sharing and if the guy feels he's doing all the work and not getting much back from his wife then there are probably other problems in the relationship. Sexual mismatch. Unrealistic expectations. Maybe he isn't willing to put in the effort to get her warmed up (could be many reasons for that). Maybe he forgot to take the trash out.   To much of anything taken to extremes is usually not good. I prefer a partner to porn any day. Vive La Difference
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I feel porn helped me loose my wife. It was competition to her. I listened, but I was weak and didn't react fast enough. My loss.  Now I find I don't seek porn I seek TD for the people and interaction it brings. Be it chatting or blogging. It seems more real and Yes, I have to give to get so it's not free. 
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I think porn is just another excuse that people use as to why they can't keep the interest of the person they're with.That's where the convenience is. Just like this article is based solely on men and porn.It's more pressure to perform with a gender that naturally lasts for hours.You'll never truly understand the difference because you're not a man.Porn has become an ally of sorts.At least it's taking some of the heat that all women had inherently placed solely on men alone. If you really believe that all men are thinking only of themselves because they finish sooner you are sadly mistaken. Using more than all the road!
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I loved having such a button on my pc
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yes...like with anything....moderation is the key! It's when we go overboard, get obsessive, with a particular thing then it becomes problematic! I think as a couple you should watch porn together, and then explore each other's fantasies together! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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My second wife and I enjoyed watching porn together. Through it we were able to express our fantasies, likes and dislikes and made the sex hot. To bad you can't base a relationship just on sex.
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As long as we are dealing in the realm of personal opinion 1sexygoodguy nailed it, at least as far as I'm concerned. Pretty much anything -- porn, auto repair, video games, ship-in-a-bottle building -- can be used to mask troubled relationship. As you note about your therapy practice, couples will attribute porn use to relationship problems. But the causality link -- as you also imply -- isn't there. Healthy couples also use porn: A therapy practice, by definition, draws from a sample of troubled relationship. Porn can be used as a communication device (for fantasies, to explore different or lack of desires, or even to get people through temporary lacks of energy). Hell, with the right level of communication it might even be cathartic and theraputic... just like auto repair, video games, and ship-in-a-bottle building. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Depending upon your desires there is a genre of porn available. My lover and I are very open with each other and freely share our fantasies. My lover enjoys the kiss and touch of another woman. Porn scenes with two women kissing, who are truly enjoying each other, is very erotic and never fails to further arouse my lover and me.
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Never been with a porn addict and would seriously question the relationship if he watched alone and often, although we definitely should keep some alone time for masturbation if we want to. Porn is one of those things that can erroneously influence our expectations. Tantra time should be practiced before and/or after watching porn and trying all the rock star moves
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Blame Game Shenanigans... A good wife would want her man to be fulfilled sexually. A good husband would want his woman to be fulfilled sexually. Men abuse porn most likely because they can't get in real life what they can get on the computer, variety (at least not easily). If the men looking at porn were smart, they'd find out how to make their particular woman beg for sex regularly, instead of saying, "Boo hoo, my wife is the reason I never get sex!  " Unfortunately, a lot of men are too selfish to figure out how to care for his wife's needs more than his own.Women watch drama shows and movies that depict married women and/or men romantically and whimsically getting lured away from their spouses all the time. Do you think shows like that might damage a woman's perception of her spouse, like porn does to a man? They both seem to have this "trade-in-a-spouse" attitude. Disclaimer: All long-term relationships will run through trust issues when you catch your friend/acquaintance/partner doing something you don't like them doing. Conflict resolution is crucial. Too many people assume they know others motives when they don't. Typical blame game shenanigans can ruin lives, including your children's.
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10/19/2015 6:08 am |
I think that oftentimes, porn directs sexual energy away from actual sex. If you can easily cum from seeing virtually any scenario you imagine by merely searching for a few minutes online, how can a partner compete? I am lucky to have spent most of my active sex life before the invention of the web, where most of sex was real for me. But then again, I never sought out porn because it was like watching someone eat a great meal, I'd rather eat that meal myself. I like to experience things, not just view them.
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