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| Blogs > myelin36 > Dirty Little Secrets |
Could Cynicism Be Destroying Your Chances of Success With This Site?
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Could Cynicism Be Destroying Your Chances of Success With This Site? “Be curious, not judgmental.” – Walt Whitman “I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.” – anonymous We are all judgmental. Yes, even you. I certainly am, many times. I think it’s human nature. And yet, while it is in our nature to be judgmental, I don’t think it’s always useful to us. We look down on others, as if we are so much better … and that creates division between people. Think about it for a second: we see someone, and based on their looks or actions, we pass judgment on them. Not good judgment, either. Usually without even knowing the person. And that’s it — that’s usually the extent of our interaction with that person. We don’t make an effort to get to know the person, or understand them, or see whether our judgment was right or not. And let’s consider what happens when we pass judgment on people we do know. We see something they do, and get angry at it, or disappointed in the person, or think worse of them. We judge, without understanding. And that’s the end of it — we don’t try to find out more, and through communication begin to understand, and through understanding begin to build a bridge between two human beings. I received an email this morning from someone whom I have never corresponded with. It went something like this: "I wish you were real." I had to take a deep breath and pause before responding. It is a pet peeve of mine to be stereotyped or falsely labeled. That alone will usually incur my wrath. However, I bit my tongue and responded accordingly: "I wish when emailing that you could be more respectful and a lot less judgmental." Guys, how is accusing a woman of being fake working out for you? I mean, are you seeing a lot of action with that pick-up line? Perhaps he could have done some homework before labeling or judging me to be fake. For example, does the person maintain a blog? Are profile photos real or "altered"? Does the member have testimonials from bonafide members with active profiles? Can you build a bridge with every single person you meet? Probably not. That takes time and effort, two things we’re usually short on anyways. But I’ve found that taking that extra time, even just once a day, can make a huge difference. Avoid passing judgment and instead work toward building a bridge. We shouldn't burn the bridge even before it's built.  |
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I have breezed through your blog boisterously, and this I must confess to thee . . . Your mind is making my dick twitch, fervently! Hi, the above is testimony as to why I am not a poet, lol. It's my simple way of saying that you intrigue me. I will come back and read more as time allows. As for this post, it's a dandy! I am in total, almost one hundred percent agreement with you. Where I am less than 100% in accord, is in your judgmental decision to define this problem as a male one. Otherwise, it is brilliant.  Anything done half-heartedly will net you an equivalent result. ~CH
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Oh, and guess what? I'm now guilty, for judging you. Irony, don't ya love it! Anything done half-heartedly will net you an equivalent result. ~CH
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Frankly, those messages are completely insincere. If a man really believes a woman is not real why would he message her? The men who accuse women here of being fake are not judging you. They have the more devious goal of putting you in a defensive position. A woman who wants to prove that she is real might be coerced into doing something as evidence. A woman who falls for that has put the man in the power position and received nothing in return. Ladies, please don't fall for this awful trick. In fact I should write about this in my own blog. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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I'm all for building bridges but when you get sent messages like 'are you for real', you probably feel like pushing them of the bridge  
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Not to be judgmental . . . but that email is just dumb. Why send an email to someone you think is fake?  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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The prejudices are sometimes hard to let go and be done with. "To Be Consumed" Blog : I want to be your drug of painful withdrawals.
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I dunno... it seems like a first world problem. How difficult is it for a woman to deal with a man who says she's a fake? How difficult is it for a man to deal with a fake? I don't know if they are comparable, but I bet I've seen far more fake profiles than most women will ever receive "you're a fake" emails. Consider the fuss about Ashley Madison - the real scam wasn't the names being released, it was the realization that the site creates the vast majority of "female" profiles. I doubt that this site is any different...
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I agree with your sentiment! Being respectful should be forefront...avoid cynicisms! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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Ok Myelin, I had a completely different reaction to "I wish you were real" message. Since you had the message and I did not, I don't know what else, if anything, this message contained but just those words, "I wish you were real", strikes me as wistful and full of longing. If he read your profile and saw your beautiful photos, why wouldn't a man be filled with longing, hoping you were a real woman that he could touch and metaphorically "drink from your fountain", instead of laying parched on the desert floor of AF*F, staring at beautiful mirages? Perhaps something quirky you wrote resonated with him, and he couldn't believe his luck that some woman expressed something that he considered more "dude-like" than like a female? "I wish you were real" could also read as "I wish you were real TO ME; someone I could touch or converse with, someone in my area, someone who I could laugh and make love with". But then again, it could be "I wish you were real because all the women who have described themselves like you have, have been fake in their descriptions of themselves, so I wish you could be as described". Or then again he cod just be an arsehole... Good post, Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Love the post. We always need a reminder to stop being guarded, negative, and hopeless. It brings the best out in us. The longest friend I've had on Senior Sizzle, started his " I know I don't have a chance with you" I responded with " you should never take yourself out of the race before it's even began" And although we have never been more than friends. I think we value each other's friendship so much. Everyone you meet has the potential to be a blessing in your life. So thank you for the reminder.
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Being here is like walking through the funhouse mirror gallery, there is a lot of distortion.
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your sweet lady
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