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When Two Worlds Collide
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When Two Worlds Collide I might have mentioned in a previous blog that I have a profile on a vanilla dating site. I have found a lot of members here are also members of that site just with different photos. There is this guy I'll refer to as *stalker* (not his real name) who was able to put two and two together and figured out that I am on both sites (probably because I use another version of the name myelin as part of my vanilla site profile name.) Stalker has attempted to engage with me via email on both sites but I have never conversed or responded partly because he doesn't fit my preferences. How is this a problem you might ask? Apparently stalker works in the office complex near my office. A couple of months ago I was leaving my office for the day and as I walked across the street to my parking spot, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a guy intently watching me as I entered my vehicle. The next morning, stalker sent me an email on this site pretty much spelling it out that he knows I have two profiles, and knows the vehicle I drive and surmised that I must work in the area. I never responded to his email because I didn't want to validate any information or lead him on. I have been very mindful of stalker each day when I leave my office and saw him one other time. He has never approached me but this has me nervous. Nervous enough to consider getting a concealed carry permit (and I am not a huge fan of them in spite of being a veteran and former cop). Have you ever found yourself in a predicament like this? How would you deal with it? |
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I wouldn't know what to do with a gun. Would probably shoot myself instead of a stalker. If I had training with guns as you apparently had, I'd get a permit and a gun. This guy sounds dangerous: he's methodically seeking you out, he's trying to intimidate you into interacting with him... That is serious. I would probably send him an email telling him that you aren't interested and urging him to stop trying to contact you. All in very firm tone. And, I will also contact the police. At least, they'll have a record that you complained. Let's hope, it sounds more serious and more dangerous than it really is. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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An unpleasant and potentially dangerous situation. You will have to decide whether you feel comfortable carrying protection. It could be a good idea anyway given the work you do. There are other options like tazzers or that wonderful spray stuff though neither one has the same effectiveness. You also have the option of reporting him as a stalker though he may not be at the level of being charged. I think you should tell him that you are not interested in as nice a way as possible but not overly nice if you know what I mean (Sorry but you're just not my type, no humor) via the email of the other site if you are sure it is him or as a response to his email. You should document his profiles so you have something to take to the police if it should become necessary, before you send the email. If he is some creep it could get nasty and dangerous. It is definitely creepy that he has watched you and contacted you like he did. He may be a bit unbalanced. He may know where you live also. If he then persists it might be good to remind him of the laws and penalties for stalking via the email and that you are serious. You should have one of those tazzers in your purse or pocket and at home anyway by your bed just in case as it could make a difference if you got woke up by an unexpected visitor. If that doesn't get rid of him you should contact the police with a description and as much info as you can provide. If you choose to get the permit and equipment be very careful and aware of where it is at all times as left unattended even for a moment bad things can happen. A purse is not a good place. Kids no matter how well you think they understand and won't touch, do. I don't know if you wear clothes that allow for concealment for work but remember as I'm sure you do from your work in the police any weapon can be taken and used against you. You may want to check on local laws as to the use or possession of tazzers or various spays. Vive La Difference
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sorry to hear you have attracted that unwanted attention... a carry permit may give a false sense of security... when you see 'stalker' what does your intuition tell you?
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Well my way may not be for everyone but I'm a bit of a hardass...perhaps just emailing him and telling him point blank that you are NOT interested in him AT ALL and you don't want to see or hear from him again. If you see him lurking about and it's a public place then confront his creepy ass...as long as you can remain safe. Most guys like this get off on their behavior and count on you to be afraid, maybe if he knows you're not, he'll back off. I wish you luck in divesting yourself of this stalker. ~Snow~
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Return the favor. show up at his house in the middle of the night and start screaming about how he made you get rid of the baby and stuff like that. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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It appears to me that you are at the point where it can go either way. If he was a serious stalked I believe that he would have appeared again. The stalked type usually doesn't disappear if he has found his prey..... At this point he's not 100% sure it was you......that plays big. Now what you don't know for sure is if he pulled back and lurking... Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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Hard as it may be to believe  , I actually did have someone somewhat obsessed with me. One that advice of a dear friend, who shares your profession, I just continued to ignore all approaches, and eventually she just went away.Hobbies on HNW Your Long, Lean, Sculpted, Swimmer's Body Hmeep Hmeep Updated to Include What I Forgot Last Night [post 3312759] My Private Blog – Tell me All your Secrets
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If it's of any value, save screen grabs of the messages sent to you via this site. If the other party deactivates their profile, their messages to you will vanish.
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ohh, I am so sorry! this guy is a loser and yes stalker! Keep vigilant and safe! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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Beyond scary, and anything I have ever experienced. I'm sorry you're going through this. And I wish it all works out well for you. That no harm comes your way. Even if you defended yourself, hurting someone else, having to defend yourself for your life, it has ways of hurting us. So, I just hope it all goes away.
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The reason I stuck around this site when I was also using vanilla sites for dating, was for the reason you said ... the same guys are on both sites. I've had men from various sites who didn't know me claim they thought they saw me, but I keep my profile locations a good 20 plus miles from where I actually live and work, and I don't actually reveal the facts of where I am, even to guys I "kinda" know through here and email with. If I were in your position, I would change profile information to a safe location from home and work. Interact with the guy a bit. Get AS MUCH personal information from him as you can - without giving any of your personal information in return. THEN make it very clear that you have provided that information to third parties if anything happens to you - AND carry whatever weapon you are comfortable with (it doesn't have to be a gun ... mace, baseball bats, machetes, knives, I have a safety device with a hammer to smash glass and razor to cut a seat-belt in my car within reach). Learn some basic self-defense ... how to break a choke-hold and other ways people can grab you. There are plenty of good videos. Guns are just too complicated, I've had them. You REALLY have to know how to use one, practice shooting it, and have a conceal carry permit, AND regularly clean and service it, AND be prepared to kill someone FROM A DISTANCE. And in most situations where someone is going to threaten you, they're just going to be too close for you to get to a gun.
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NO ... it is NEVER acceptable for ANYONE who recognizes you from ANY online site but has not interacted with you on the site, to EVER approach you, leave messages or cards on your car, or initiate ANY communication anywhere other than on the websites. PERIOD. NO EXCEPTIONS.
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Find someone you can trust, point out who this guy is, and get them to follow him to his office and find out who he is so that you can leave that name with friends. THEN if this weirdo ever does approach you, call him out BY NAME and tell him you've given his name to people because he gave you the creeps, and tell him to stay the fuck away.
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I had a guy show great interest in me though he did not have a picture. I usually do not chat with men without a facial shot but eventually after some time he wore me down, and I gave him my email in order for him to send a picture. (btw this I never do) but he was persistent, and due to the fact we had chatted often enough I agreed he could sent a picture to my email account. I had told him repeatedly that I would be very sorry if he was not my sexual type and he agreed he would not get mad or pissed off. (btw some men really do get pissed off when I am not interested in them sexually) He agreed and stated that he was a big boy and could handle rejection. In the end he sent me a picture, one that showed he was not what I was looking for, but because we had established great conversation and if he wanted we could still remain in contact. He agreed and seemed fine with it. Well a couple of days later he called my house, (I did not know it was him at the time) and asked if I needed my carpet cleaned. I stated no that we did not have carpet, we had hardwood but thanks anyways. Before he hung up he stated "What do you think my friends/boyfriend would think that I was on a sex site, showing naked pictures of myself"? In the end he knew my name, my address, where I lived, my then boyfriend's name, and where I worked. I was in shock, I remember my heart was racing a million miles an hour. How the hell did he get all that information????? I guess he some how he broke into my computer when I gave him my email address??? He stated that he just wanted to meet and then he would leave me alone. I stated no, we are not meeting and how desperate do you have to get if you have to stalk someone in order to get it? In the end I played it cool, told him if he wanted my boyfriend's phone number so that he could tell himself I was cheating go ahead. But that I was indeed in an open relationship and he really did not have that much on me, and that some of my "friends" were the one's that introduced me to the site in the first place. With this information he seemed to back totally off. I never did hear from him again, thank God. Moral of this story, beware anyone can be anything hiding behind a computer screen. DO NOT GIVE OUT YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION!
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