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| Blogs > trisha_ann_glynn > Bisexual by Choice. |
The War on Valentines Day.
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The War on Valentines Day. In response to the MSN "10 Things We Hate About Valentines" 1. Single or coupled, if you didn't make a reservation in January, your options for going out to dinner are limited to the local fast food drive-through. I work a ten hour day. Reservations for weekend dinners are standard. This is an excuse for men that don't want to reach for their wallets or a clean shirt. 2. The hour of our lives we waste every year in the greeting card aisle, looking for the perfect one. The hour you waste is staring at fishing rods and more camouflage clothing. Fishing: Bait hook, cast, fish bites. Lie about that fish, being the one you were trying to catch. Deer Season: Seed field with corn, train deer to feed. Sit in tree, wait, shoot deer and lie about how difficult it was. Looking for cards for your loved ones brightens their day, helps the recycled paper economy, and provides you with clever, cute sayings for future awkward moments. 3. The overnight tripling of the price of roses, forcing your boyfriend to choose between getting you a bouquet of a dozen or paying his cable bill that month. Every city has a place on the corner, fresh roses 20.00 a dozen. I have sent and received enough flowers to know the price does not triple. If he is struggling to pay cable. He should give up his drawn out after school job, standing behind the parts counter and pretending to know about cars. If he has to decide between TV and making you happy, you need to decide. 4. The 24/7 romantic comedy marathon on TV during the month of February either makes you feel like a loser for being single or makes you resent your boyfriend for not being John Cusack. Lines written for stage and movies come from something, someone, saw somewhere. Real men act or speak with style at work and at home. They receive praise from peers, wives or girlfriends. In life, few people are there to see it. On the screen it gets remembered. If she dates a loser, it's because she wants to. If you are that loser, you know who you are. 5. If you've had anything resembling a date in the past two months, it always prematurely launches the "where is this going?" conversation. He wants to know, will this get me in bed to have sex? With no strings attached. She wants to know, will this get me in bed, to not have to have sex? With strings attached. 6. If you're single and lucky enough to have three close, single girlfriends, you can't go out for drinks with them without being a cliche. Before Desperate Housewives and Sex in the City, women would meet for coffee or a martini. To complain about having bad sex with their rich husbands. "I took my Porche thru that terrible car wash again. No bra and the shorts that ride up. The boy gave me free wash coupons! He has to be gay, what do I have to do?" OR drinking Budweisers complaining about having to have any sex with their poor husbands. "I have to work doubles at the bar this weekend. Earl thinks he's gonna get some tonight...HA!" Always say this with a cigarette in the corner of your mouth. Plus one inch of dangling ash. Try not to ignite the can of hairspray you're wearing. 7. We don't need another stuffed teddy bear holding a heart or a cheap box of "guess the mystery filling" chocolates, thanks. Go to her house or apartment. The shelves, couch and bed are filled with stuffed animals. If they are a burden, she would have given them to charity or her favorite niece. The mystery chocolate part is true. Send the chocolate she likes. Add a written note (from something you read in the card aisle, while buying your other cards) saying what she means to you, and hints of later. Balloons are optional. MANDATORY: A diamond something on a real chain around the bears neck. 8. They don't make Valentine's Day cards for friends-with-benefits or "I think I like you but it's too soon to tell." No, they don't. And with good reason. Valentines Day is from the heart. We have the other 364 days for being<b> fuck buddies. </font></b>You can fuck and suck. But no kissing, we might develop feelings for each other. NOTE: The term friends-with-benefits is someone that can get you into front row concerts, five star restaurants, and out of traffic tickets. Other than that, it's called a Fuck Buddy. 9. We just started paying off our credit card bills from holiday shopping, our bank statements can't handle another gift. ...and he works so hard at his dead end job...besides no one really means all that talk about sweeping you off your feet anyway...and the life we have is good enough. Don't blame the holiday, just work on your lame excuses for dating or marrying far beneath yourself. 10. Those gross taste-like-sidewalk-chalk conversation hearts. The ones I remember from elementary school up to today. They are tart and sour, but pleasing. I never saw the taste like chalk version. |
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Thank you. I have but that is a hard life. Now I dance in cage for strange paying customers.
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