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| Blogs > alchemyofdesire > Many paths...many desires |
Seventeen years ago...this is what I wrote!
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Seventeen years ago...this is what I wrote! Dear Reader, I wrote this article seventeen years ago (in September 1990), while in my third year engineering course...while I have moved on, and have learnt to express myself more explicitly through this blog, I find it intersting to travel down memory lane...read on! The idea behind this article is to express my feelings regarding the present outlook prevalent in our society towards sex and other related topics. To this is added a brief description of my own sexual development. Needless for me to add, any discussion relating to sex is nowadays considered a taboo in our country, and any person who initiates such a discussion is often treated with suspicion. Whom should we hold responsible for such a narrow, damaging outlook towards a very important subject? My opinion is that the restrictions begin at home, with our parents who shrug off these questions by giving answers that sometimes tend to be dangerously misleading. When I was six, I learnt that babies came out of the navel nine months after marriage. Even before this, I remember my granny telling me that God came down after nine months and presented the couple with a baby! In this case, the source was extraterrestrial. Certainly on the other hand, the answer that babies came out of the navel was “down to earth” and was a lot more easier to comprehend, as one could correlate the bulge in the stomachs of the ladies to the fact that the baby was in there. I remember having stressed this point in no uncertain terms during the course of discussion with friends. It took me six more years to travel a little below the navel to finally discover the “hidden” truth. When I was twelve, my friend told me in no uncertain terms that I had come out of the vagina into this world. He also said that my parents “did what everybody had to” in order to get a baby! That is how I heard about sexual intercourse for the first time. Previously, I had seen dogs mating on the street in a way that seemed strangely exciting, but I never imagined that my parents had to do just that to bring me into this world (of course, they need not have followed the “doggie” position!). Anyway, I felt so shocked and bitter at this startling revelation that I angrily told my friend that my parents were very good people, and they would never have committed such sinful acts! He had only laughed at my discomfiture. I couldn’t raise this issue at home, as I did not have the courage, but at the same time, I was determined to get to the “bottom” of the matter. By the time I was fifteen, my sex education was complete more or less theoretically, the information having come from porno magazines, textbooks and by way of discussions. I had some doubts about masturbation as I had read somewhere that one should not indulge in auto- eroticism and that it would exhaust us of our energies and also “distort” our personalities. Later on, I realised that this position was untenable. Well, I can write pages and pages on how these transformations came about, and how I came to recognise my own sexuality, but this is not what I intend to express. The first big chance to get at the facts comes in the high schools (between classes 7-10), but unfortunately the whole affair is often messed up by the teachers -- their presentation of the subject of human reproduction is very formal, stiff, and one manages to only get a vague idea of what it is all about. Parents too are not of much help. As mentioned earlier, this is the right time to know everything about sex, since each one of us would have begun our explorations by then. This is the time when we sexually mature. These explorations are often conducted on ourselves, or we begin to search for literature in order to acquire information. External stimuli can also become a source for thought and fantasy. In any case, since we are directly dependent on our parents and teachers for further information, the main issues are very neatly side stepped. Further enquiry is not encouraged and one graduates out of school under the impression that a discussion about sex is one that is not encencouraged and one graduates out of school under the impression that a discussion about sex is one that is not encouraged. A fear/hesitation of broaching the topic develops, and curiosity is suppressed. The body, though, has other plans - it does not develop in consonance with these suppressed feelings. By this time, the natural, biological instincts already get manifested as urges that are curbed. Sadly, as in many cases, when these urges reach a point of no return, they are not channelled properly, with disastrous results. Of course, masturbation helps to a certain extent to stabilise the mind and body, but does not provide the required sense gratification, however inventive one may be in his or her approach. My belief is that these negative consequences can be avoided if one is informed well. The dictum should be, “to be well informed is to be well armed”. This, no doubt, is the aim of all sex education programmes. How far these programmes have been successful, one just cannot say. The idea that is deeply rooted in all our thinking is that sex is sinful, and sexual instincts should be suppressed at all costs. Most of our sex-related problems will disappear if this misconception is cleared, and it needs to be cleared soon. There are many ways (other than attending the regular sex education programmes) of getting authentic information. Many good books are available in the market, and these will go a long way in removing the cloud of ignorance. Vatsyayana’s ‘Kamasutra’, Thomas Harrison’s ‘Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask’, Masters and Johnsons’ ‘On Sex And Human Loving’, and ‘Human Sexual Inadequacy’ are books to be relied upon. These books have left a very deep imprint on my mind. One does not always have to look up some obscure medical journals and textbooks to seek this information. I would like to digress at this stage to focus on an aspect of our art that is still not very clearly understood. I hope to return to this topic later on, after having thoroughly understood its implications. The aspect of “aesthetically valid nudity” is a common and striking feature of our art and sculpture, and it may be historically and culturally significant. If one looks up some photographs of our temples, or gets a chance to see them, there is one aspect that is eye-catching and thought provoking - its eroticism. Foremost among the examples, one can list the temples of Khajuraho, Belur, Halebid, etc. Erotic art may not be the dominant feature, but it is there - men and women in various postures of copulation, and in some cases, even animals are included in the fray. How can one explain these figures depicting uninhibited love? Were they meant to be a means of education? Or, are they meant to convey the aesthetic spirit of art? Are they representative of the sexual styles, preferences and inclinations of people during those times? A superficial glance might evoke a mixed reaction ranging from appreciation to revulsion, but my opinion is that there is a deeper meaning and justification behind these works, as is often the case with many aspects of our religion and culture. Coming back to our discussion - books and magazines on pornography, erotic literature, present a lot of information in the most uninhibited manner. I wonder if wild exaggerations, which sometimes find their place in these works, can tend to be misleading. Blue films are very powerful stimulators, and seeing them seems to be a way of life for young minds. Many are of the view that the above can lead to sexual perversion. But, what is sexual perversion, and how does one define it? Where does “normal” sex end, and perverted sex begin? For me, these questions do not have easy answers. One obvious conclusion is that the more one is prevented from getting such information, the more determined and desperate he or she will become to acquire it, and as a consequence, will begin to explore possibilities indicated above. Sometimes, I begin to entertain the idea that if the market is flooded with such literature, sex related crimes may come down drastically. Anyway, it is difficult to say if this can and should be done. The idea is that information saturation is one of the ways of solving these problems. And finally, what is sex all about? Is it just the insertion of the penis into the vagina, a few thrusts, and orgasm? If that is so, one should call it sexual intercourse. Or, on the other hand, should sex be considered as something that strengthens the relationship between male and female, in which case its reaches are far deeper than the deepest penetrations of the penis in the vagina? I am inclined towards accepting this view. Should one separate sex from love? Can sex be considered as a form of expressing love and affection? Again, my answer is in the affirmative. I sincerely believe that sex is not just sexual intercourse; it is certainly not just the mechanical reciprocating action of the penis in the vagina. It is difficult for me to separate sex from love, as I consider sex to be a form of love and affection and as that force which will bring two persons closer together and strengthen their bond of love. In that sense, I find sex to be really encompassing. Sexual intercourse is but a small part of sex -- perhaps the culmination of that expression of love. When I think of sex, I think of a broad range of touching, holding, caressing, and not mainly of sexual intercourse, as it helps me freely express my passions. For me, tactile (oral) stimulation is most important. Indeed, eroticism is nothing but one’s freedom of expression, both in thought and action. Let me stop here, in order to avoid being reproached for vulgarity! In any case I would like to say that we our lives can be enriched by being inventive sexually. As far as I can see it, a healthy sexual relationship will be very helpful in solving problems that cannot be solved otherwise, as the bed is the place where one can make peace, at least temporarily. You may not appreciate the logic here (it is not necessary that you should), in which case it all depends ultimately on how you perceive these things. Cheers, Alchemy... |
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