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Blogs > gattomonstrosis > Never eat yellow snow.

Confrontation  

gattomonstrosis 58M
153 posts
2/23/2017 3:01 am
Confrontation

I have a problem with confrontation, i can't stand it, it gives me the shakes and makes me feel sick.
Passionate discussions on life, the universe and everything? No problem, love them, but the moment it comes to talking about my relationships... not so much. I can't say "I have a problem with X" because in my head i hear them hearing "I have a problem with you" and i just can't say that to someone, If it even feels slightly like whatever i want to say might hurt the other persons feelings or cause an argument then i clam up, i can't get out a word. If i am forced to answer the what's wrong question then i can't find the words, i get stuck trying to find some way to answer that won't make the other person angry or sad, i ramble, lose the plot, get lost halfway through a sentence, so i say nothing and hope things will get better when the other person has no idea something is even wrong, if you say nothing you can't say the wrong thing right?

A little while ago i had a date, it was all going well, very hot, and then when i kissed her she pulled back and turned her head. We had talked about nothing else for weeks so it was... confusing, it wasn't the end of the world but it did leave me feeling disconnected, even more so when she still wanted to get hands on.
It was my own fault, i'm a smoker, when she said right at the beginning that she can't stomach the smell of it on a person or the taste of it in their mouth and talked about it on the phone then i should have said it wasn't going to work if we could talk about kissing for weeks but ot actually kiss. Kissing is important, it is intimate, getting sexy without kissing makes me feel like i am just a dick on legs and i can't stand that, hence the disconnect.
When she asked me why i was distant and uncomfortable i couldn't answer without sounding like i was blaming her, i couldn't say why did you invite me when we had no chance? So i couldn't answer at all and that hurt her feelings and made her angry too.

I know communication is important, that if you can't talk openly and honestly with each other then you can't do much of anything, that i shouldn't be so worried about saying something that will make them leave, easy to think it, easy to write it, not so easy to do it.

I grew up with violence, with shouting matches and thrown plates, it leaves a mark, i can't stand heated arguments, i can't stand the fists and the tears and the screams, that's what it feels like to me when i want to say i have a problem with something, like i am punching them in the face, like the only possible response is shouting and thrown plates, that all i have to do to keep things calm, to keep them safe, is to swallow what i want to say.

I know, it's fucked up.

hippiechick1967 60F  
13154 posts
10/5/2017 5:47 pm

 I understand; I don't like confrontation either. Sometimes, I will go so far as to go along with something I really don't want to do just to avoid any problems.
Elevate me...


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