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The Wizard of Blogz
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The Wizard of Blogz . . . . . . . . . . . . . AFriendFinder TATTLER BlogLanders! HEAR ME! It has come to my attention that there are some who wish to elect that lonely and unlucky at love blogger, keithcancook , and bestow upon him the office of mayor. It appears that I may have some use for that fool yet. er, I mean with him your fears will soon be laid to rest.He is the perfect tool to employ in my bid for power. Um, I mean to say that under his rule all BlogLand will flower. Along with my staff here at the AFriendFinder TATTLER we have decided to endorse this candidate in his run for office and have put the full power and weight of this publication behind him. We are pleased to announce that our campaign has begun with the theme The Wizard of Blogs. We have a speech by the candidate and also some campaign songs that can be sung to familiar melodies. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The PUBLISHER  As mayor of the Blogkin City, In the County of the Land of Blog, I welcome y'all most regally. To verify me legally, to see To see? If me Is morally, ethic'lly Spiritually, physically Undeniably and reliably NUTZ! As ANALYST I must insist that he's not only merely NUTZ, he's really most sincerely NUTZ. Yes, let the joyous news be spread, the Wicked old BUG at last is dead! I represent the Gullible League, the Gullible League, The Gullible League. And in the name of the Gullible League, I wish to welcome you to Blog-kin Land. I also represent Publishers Guild, the Publishers Guild, the Publishers Guild. And in the name of the Publishers Guild, I wish to RULE you all in Blog-kinland. I will RULE you all in Blog-kin Land, Tra la la la la la la From now on I'll be history. I'll be his, I'll be his, I'll be history. (And they will glorify my name) I'll be a bust, be a bust, be a bust. I will be a bust In the HALL of FAME! LoyaltyandHonorCome out, come out, wherever you are and meet the lampooner, who fell from a car. He fell from a car, he fell very hard and CHARLOTTE, he says, is the home of the car. Charlotte, he says, is the home of the car. LoyaltyandHonorHe brings you good news. Or haven't you heard? When he fell out of Charlotte A MIRACLE occurred. My blog began to switch - my brain to pitch, and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch. Just then the GLITCH - to satisfy an itch went flying through my servers line, thumbing for a hitch. And oh, what happened then was rich. ... Who began to twitch and was reduced to just a stitch of what was once the Wicked Glitch. We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly. You've killed it so completely, that we thank you very sweetly. Ding Dong! The Glitch is dead. Which old Glitch? The Wicked Glitch! Ding Dong! The Wicked Glitch is dead. Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed. Wake up, the Wicked Glitch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go, Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out. Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.Let them know The Wicked Glitch is dead! SUDDENLY...POOF a comment has vanished! LoyaltyandHonorNo, that was its sister. The Wicked Glitch of the East. This is the Wicked Glitch of the West, and it's worse than the other one.  LoyaltyandHonorOh, rubbish! You have no power here. Be gone before somebody drops a FIX on you, too! POOF! LoyaltyandHonorPooh - what a smell of sulphur! I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked Glitch of the West. The sooner you get out of BLOGZ altogether, the safer you'll sleep, my friend. LoyaltyandHonorNo, that's true. The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful Wizard of BLOGZ himself. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Tala4u2 LoyaltyandHonorOh, very good, but very mysterious. He lives in the PENGUIN CITY and that's a long journey from here. Did you bring your lubes and plugs and LITTLE BLACK BOOK with you? [photo LoyaltyandHonor]Well then, you'll have to row. The Blog-kins will see you safely to the border of Blog-kin Land. SONGS FROM THE LAND OF BLOGZ IF I ONLY WAS INSANE I could type away the hours, my words both sweet and sour Writing through the pain. And my dick I’d be scratchin’ while my plots are busy hatchin’ If I only was insane. I’d publish a news paper, but I am such a faker And a faker I remain. So the news is somewhat stinkin’ and I don’t mind y’all thinkin’ That he surely is insane. Oh, I , could tell you why the whores won’t let me score. I could think of things I never thunk before. Like how? To get in her back door. And it wouldn’t be for nothing, as Tala fucks the stuffing Outa some girl with no name. I would dance and be merry, life would be a dingleberry If I only was insane. KING OF THE WHORES If I were King of the Whores, not queen, not duke, not prince. The regal robes of the Whores, would be fishnet, not cotton, not chintz. I’d command each one, from 90 pounds to a ton, With a humph and a pumpf and a royal UMPH! (oink) When I click my heel all the Whores will kneel The MISTRESSES bow and the NYMPHOS kowtow. And all the FEMALES will sing of my ding-a-ling, if I - if I - if I were KING! All women will respect me, even gutter-sluts genuflect to me. Though my tail would lash, I would show compash For every underling!If I - If I - were King! Just King! |
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(tiptoes into his kitchen while he's in chat and removes the knives from the kitchen drawers) (and takes a grape from the bowl) 
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5/23/2005 10:22 pm |
Keith you really have to stop making me spit out my coffee. Man are you ummmm kinda ummmmm letting all that pork fat go to your brain cells Fantastic piece of writing I must say
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5/24/2005 12:00 am |
I herby CAST MY VOTE TO MAKE KEITH MAYOR Sorry Sexy , but I think Keith has proven himself over and over again, where He leads everyone follows,He has proven that he has many different sides to his nature which is really needed in a good polititican. He is blessed with Quick whit Leadership skills Compassion Excellent writing ability which is needed for speeches. That ever present sense of humor. I think our blog land would greatly benefit with a man such as Keith for Mayor , I would place my faith in him anytime anywhere. I also think office should be evenly divided between genders to keep it fair , so no further protests occur LETS HERE IT VOTE keithcancook FOR MAYOR VOTE NOW VOTE OFTEN
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Wow Keith... that took some time, and a lot of talent as well. Very nicely done It started my day off with a good laugh (Laughing in a good way my friend). It takes a lot to make a crabby guy like me laugh and smile. You accomplished that here this morning LOL.
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sat at my desk,tears streaming down my face and hubby wondering what the hell i'm laughing at Well done on that,you get my vote hun VOTE FOR PAPY I'm a   and i'm here to stay
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5/24/2005 10:50 am |
MMMMMMMMMMMMM...somehow I think the job of blogland executioner will take more of my time then I orginally anticipated....
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5/24/2005 11:39 am |
Oh My my my my my..... **shakes head**
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5/24/2005 3:15 pm |
Good thing my wife isn't home... this way just the dogs think I'm nuts for all the laughing. Good stuff, Keith, but I think it may have clinched your election as Town Idiot instead of Mayor. 
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Your writing is unbelieveable! I love it! I cannot stop laughing and it is totally a compliment. Ohh bow to you King of Whores...where you shall go I shall follow mesmorized by the ding a ling song just for...
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That was too much fun to read!! I have to admit, while laughing, I was humming the tune your words!!! Toooooo funny!!! You already know you have my vote!!! Loved it!!! kisses Lady your Dickaholic Candidate for Council!! Cum!! It's good to the last drop!!
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hey tala.... isn't Bear over there in your neck of the woods? all this frog talk....kinda got me thinkin'.....
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Hmmm... a couple of things...one is not really on the topic. DId you ever read the Wizard of OZ as a metaphor for drug use? Put a period after it.. it becomes The Wizard of ounce, there are bricks, poppies, snow, flying monkeys, etc. Even THE WIZARD himself. Ok.. now the real comment. I think that you have hit upon a great idea... hold the elections as Oz characters.
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5/25/2005 7:26 am |
alas for the Glitch of the East... she did not merely give head, she most sincerely gave head. btw... I also "Represent the Vibrator Guild"
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...and your little dog, Scroto, too... 
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5/25/2005 2:33 pm |
I still say you should get your own web site. Your creativeness seems out of place here. Too good. I hope it doesn't ever get lost (deleted). But blog on my friend.
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Hmm, vibrator just doesn't fit in the song candy. Even though there are enough consonants it doesn't flow as well when sung. But that is no matter. I still need to keep the ol concepts alive throughout The Venting Blog, so for my purposes injecting a little publisher stuff is more suited to my actual plot, er plan, um...thing. Did that make sense? No? Good, cuz that was intentional too! I am happy that The Wizard of Blogz has been so well recieved. I wanted to do a post that would have folks singing around the globe. This was the perfect musical for that purpose since it is so well known.
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mmm... is not quite sure what to make of all this...
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What about the coroner,who thoroughly examined her? I used to be Snow White -- but I drifted. ~~~Mae West
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dang Jusdewit, I missed that one! It would have been good too. Do ya wanna collaborate on the sequal? (wink wink) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
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I did examine you candy my sweet. You are the 1000th commenter in The Venting Blog. A very unique and special prize will be awarded to you immediately. Thankyou so much for sticking the pig, er I mean sticking WITH the pigster! ( hmm, that means that this is probably the 1001st comment. Who wants to spend 1001 Carolinian Nights with the pigster? )
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I have done some examining and I have determined by this time stamp that you have placed the 1000th comment in The Venting Blog. Therefore, you shall be the beneficiary of the very first prize ever issued by The Venting Blog. Thankyou for your assistance in making it a success Candy69sosweet! (I would have never guessed it would be you, but I am happy it was considering how we met) Also, this being the 1001st comment (or close enough to it), anyone want to spend 1001 Carolinian Nights with the pigster? * *note: this is a hypothetical question not an actual offer. possible alternatives include nights compression technology, thereby cramming 1001 nights worth into a long weekend.
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6/3/2005 11:32 am |
Wow, that's some post!
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Thanx for saying so candysoveryverysweet! I must admit that this one still cracks me up too. I will never be able to hear King of the Forest the original way ever again!
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Ya had to be in blogland at the time to get the nuances though. The glitches is one. And understanding how perfect Mysticwriter was for the part of Glinda is also funny as hell. I still laugh my ass off when he starts singing "come out come out..." 
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I can't believe you even got the "what a smell of sulphur." Knowing that is the Ultimate Code, kind of like "what is the meaning of life" in relation to Douglas Adams fans. In this one post, I think you are replacing Tall as my ULTIMATE BLOG HERO. Of course then there's that thing about having WAY too much time on your hands...lol Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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