Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > AtomicArtist0 > Atomic Blog |
Ungrateful Ruins Family Dinner Forever According To Jewish Mother
|
Ungrateful Ruins Family Dinner Forever According To Jewish Mother A winner for my 3000th commenter competition has been found. This is not that person�s story, but this one ought to hold you over until the winner and I work our story out. Thanks to [blog CuteIsBack_UK] for the pic and thanks to [blog shylena256] for the research. Enjoy. This one is called� Ungrateful Ruins Family Dinner Forever According To Jewish Mother So I�m sitting here, worried sick over my ungrateful putz of a . I slave over this hot stove all day long to make a nice dinner for everybody and my moron is late. What am I to think, he doesn�t even call his own mother to let her know he�s ok? He could be dead in a ditch somewhere! Or maybe he picked up some pervert hitchhiking. Maybe one of them homos you hear so much about. Who�s that one homo guy they got on TV there? The one that tried to proposition an undercover cop in the men�s bathroom. Michael George? Or George Michael? Maybe he picked up George Michael hitchhiking and now he�s got my idiot bent over in a toilet stall doing bad things to his bum all because he didn�t come straight home for his mother�s family dinner! You know what I read about in the papers? Autoerotic asphyxiation. I didn�t know what that was until I read about it while I was getting my hair done. Its what all the stupid are getting into these days. They strangle themselves to death while they�re getting their rocks off. They blow their whole wad, then they turn up dead. I�m sure that�s what my putz of a is doing right now and that�s why he�s late for dinner. Him and his floozie of a girlfriend. Ungrateful putzes the whole both of them! Sometimes, I don�t know why I put up with it. I schlep around in the kitchen all day and for what? Everybody is here but my own stupid . Grandpa is here. Uncle Hyam. Auntie Genine. My sister Lori. Even her bastard husband James who ain�t even Jewish for God�s sake. (That�s a whole other story I don�t want to get into right now.) But is my own here? No! What ungrateful doesn�t even call his own mother? Want I should have a heart attack right here on the floor? Would that make you happy, ? Oh! There you are! There�s my ungrateful and his floozie girlfriend. His royal majesty and his beer wench come waltzing in fifteen minutes late for family dinner like nothing is wrong! Don�t even call his dear mother who slaved over a hot stove all day long worried sick for her moron of a . So I ask him�I says. Were you doing that<b> autoerotic </font></b>asphyxiation I read about in the papers that you are into? Were you masturbating into a sock while your floozie girlfriend strangles your stupid neck to death? Is that what you were doing to make you late for your mother�s dinner? I ask him this in front of grandpa and everybody. Its good to embarrass a in front of everybody once in a while. It builds character, you know. So he says�no, ma! Geez! We was stuck in traffic already! I says don�t lie, . Your mother knows what you were doing. You and that floozie girlfriend of yours. If it weren�t for those nice bearing hips of hers I�d tell her to take a hike! And would it kill you to settle down and marry a nice Jewish girl already? Just settle down and make some nice Jewish grandchildren, why don�t you? Quit sleeping around with all these shiksas for once and make your father and I some nice little grandchildren. Is that so much to ask? I�m surprised you didn�t turn up with the clap what with all the sleeping around you�ve been doing. That�ll teach you not to flooze around. Ungrateful putz! Where�s that challah bread with raisins?, I asked my ungrateful . I told him to bring that challah bread I like so much from Katz�s Deli. So what does my stupid putz of a do? He buys that store bought challah bread from Stop and Shop. I wanted the good stuff from Katz�s Deli, not this crap! Those people put something in the shortening that makes my poor stomach do loop-de-loops. I�ll be sitting in the crapper for a week if I eat this cheap crap, I tell my . Is that what you want to see your dear mother go through? You may as well put a ciggybut out in my eye for all the strife it causes me, I says. I had to throw my �s store bought challah bread right in the garbage in front of everybody. That stuff probably ain�t even kosher! And would it kill you to tuck your shirt in already? We didn�t spend all that money, your father and I, to send you to Hebrew school so you can come to family dinner looking like an asshole in front of your dear father and everybody. I spend 60 hours pushing you out of my womb 32 years ago and for what? I had to miss my stories and everything. Back then they didn�t have the VCR or that Tivo so when you missed your stories that was that. And this is how you repay your dear mother? By buying cheap challah bread and being late for dinner? By not tucking in your shirt and letting that George Michael guy choke your stupid neck in the bathroom? Way to ruin family dinner again, ! You putz! Oy vey!  |
||||
|
It's good to keep a kid's ego in check... Well done... 
| |||
|
In another life I worked for a doctor that was an Orthodox Jew and off the top of my head, I could run off a list of at least 20 "mothers" that this piece could have been done by. Thanks for the laughs. hotandhorny1082
| |||
1/8/2007 10:16 pm |
LMAO!
| |||
|
<---studies map to measure distance between Portugal and Israel Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
| |||
|
Mothers can't live with them,move out and still can't live with them!!!!   Well they always keep us on our toes!!! (and have strangled to death).   Later AtomicRAWHIDE
| |||
|
What an ungrateful, bastard son showing up for seder dinner after dark and looking like that. He's going to burn in hell twice as bad. Once for breaking his mother's heart and also for breaking the Sabbath.
| |||
|
_____Well, that does it. Now I'm going to have to rent "My Big Fat Jewish Seder" /// My Mom never got on to me about being late. I guess since she's dead, my sister in law feels it's now her responsibility to pick at all my little niggling faults. What? I shouldn't be grateful?
|
Become a member to create a blog
