1448 posts 4/9/2017 9:04 am
Last Read:
2/3/2023 3:12 am
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Women and men at play
Well, after popular demand, ( 2 out of 2 women loved it ) I am posting this as a blog post. It is words for when women and men engage in self service. Some are good for the boys too, like "Having safe sex". Can we make a similar list? I will try and start you off.
SELF SERVICE FOR WOMEN:TERMINOLOGY
Digging a Trench
Doing your Nails
Dousing the Digits
Drilling For Oil
Engaging in Safe Sex
Erasing the Problem
Fanning the Fur
Feeding the Bearded Clam
Feeding your Slot
Fiddling the Bean
Fingerbating
Fingerpainting
Finger Blasting
Flickin' the Bean
Flit your Clit
Fucking Without Complications
Gagging the Clam
Gagging the Lips of Love
Genital Stimulation via Phalangetic Motion
Get a Date with Slick Mittens
Get a Lube Job
Get To Know Yourself
Get a Stinky Pinky
Going Mining
Groping the Grotto
Greasing your Hips
Grissle Rub
Gusset Typing
Having Sex With Someone you Love
Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw
Hitchhiking South
Hitchhiking to Heaven
Hitchhiking Under the Big Top
Jillin' Off
Jocelyn Eldering
Let the Fingers do the Walkin'
Levy Break Limbo
Making Soup
Manual Override
Muffin Buffin'
Nulling the Void
Paddling the Pink Canoe
Pampering the Pussy
Parting the Red Sea
Pearl Fishing
Pet the Petunia
Pet the Pussy Cat
Polishing the Nugget
Polishing the Peanut
Polishing the Pearl
Play Poker
Play the Clitar
Play Couch Hockey for One
Play the Silent Trumbone
Playing With Her Pineapple
Playing with Mrs. Palmer's Five Daughters
Playing With the Man in the Boat
Pushing the Button
Pussy Soccer
Riding the Unicycle
Rolling the Dough
Rubbin' the Nubbin
Rubbing the Donut
Rubbing the Red Pussycat
Scoring the Hoop
Soaking the Whisker Biscuit
Spelunking
Spearing the Bearded Clam
Squeeze the Peach
Strumming
Strumming the Banjo
Surfing the Channel
Teasing the Kitty
Teasing the Tuna Taco
Testing the Plumbing
The Virgin's Release
Tickling the Taco
Tiptoe Through the TwoLips
Toggling the Bit
Tossing Pink Salad
Three Point Shot
Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
Two Finger Taco Tango
Washing your Fingers
Night in With the Girls
Airing the Orchid
Auditioning the Finger Puppets
Beat the Beaver
Beating Around the Bush
Brushing The Beaver
Buff the Weasle
Carpet Bumping
Cat Got Tongue
Checking for Squirrels
Clam Bake for One
Cleaning your Fingers
Clitters
Coming Into Your Own
Countering Cunts
Creamin'
Coming Into Your Own
Cunt Cuddling
Dialing the Rotary Phone
| SELF SERVICE FOR MEN:TERMINOLOGY
Aiding and abetting a known felon
Bashing the candle
Beat the bishop
Be your own best friend
Blow your own horn
Bugger your hand
Building upper-body strength
Butter the corn
Buffing the banana
Brushing up on your typing skills
Calling in the secret service
Check for testicular cancer
Checking the plumbing
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choking the chicken
Cleaning your rifle
Cleaning out your account
Consulting with your silent partner
Coitus interruptus
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Discovering your own potential
Doing your homework
Draining the pipe
Exercise one's right
Exercising your right to privacy
Ensuring your next sperm is fresh ( not past the sell by date )
Extracting the protein
Fisting your mister
Flogging your dog
Floggin the frog
Flogging the hog
Flogging the log
Flute solo
Free Willy
Get to know yourself
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Having a posh wank ( with a condom, so no mess )
Hitting too close to home
Hold the sausage hostage
Holding your own
Jerkin'the gherkin
Liquidating the inventory
Locking the bathroom door
Look for ticks
Looping the mule
Love's labors lost
Lubricating the love monkey
Manual labor
Manual override
Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock
Making magic with leftovers
Onan's olympics
One gun salute
One man band
One-night-stand with yourself
Painting the pickle
Play tag with the pink torpedo
Play the skin<b> flute
</font></b>Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
Playing it safe
Pocket pinball
Pocket pool
Polish the family jewels
Polish the helmet
Pull your own leg
Pulling your own weight
Roll your own
Roping the pony
Romeo and himself
Rub one out
Run off a batch by hand
Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
Safe sex
Saluting the general
Sampling the secret sauce
Secret handshake
Seeing my mistress ( when you use your other hand)
Self exploring
Shake hands with the unemployed
Shake hands with your wife's best friend
Shoot for the moon
Shooting yourself in the foot
Sizing things up
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap pappy
Slap the donkey
Solo flight
Solo marathon
Sperm evacuation
Stretching the truth
Take matters into your own hands
Take part in population control
Taking a few practice shots
Taking a load off
Talk quietly to yourself
Tending to your own affairs
Tossing the turkey
Unloading the gun
Wake the dead
Work things out
Working at your own speed
Wrist aerobics |
Aha, a wanker joke!
Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well
dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
Pat: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Pat: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer
gets the better of Pat and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Pat: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were
wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
Pat: - Oh? What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ....... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Pat: - Er ... mmm ........... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a
pond. Which is it?
Pat: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you
have a large garden then you have a large house?
Pat: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ......... built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical
to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are
quite probably married? And with a family?
Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four .
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active
with your wife on a regular basis?
Pat: - Yep! Five times a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?
Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate!
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Pat: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you
about your sex life!
Pat: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Pat returns to his mate.
Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Pat: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
Seamus: - What's that then?
Pat: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Seamus: - Nope
Pat: - Well then, you're a wanker
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 9:06 am |
What do you call your self service playing?
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I AGREE
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YES THATS TRUE
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 9:26 am |
Me too. Thanx
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 9:28 am |
I AGREE. THANX
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16552 posts 4/9/2017 9:38 am |
I think you have ALL the phrases covered! 
And a great joke to go with it, too.... 
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 10:12 am |
Quoting deussemper:
Beat cheetah
or
Spanking the monkey
Nice ones deussemper. Thanx for visiting and the comment!
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 10:14 am |
Quoting goodatpoetry2:
I think you have ALL the phrases covered!
And a great joke to go with it, too....
I think there are more goodatpoetry. We will find out soon. The wanker joke, so apt, lol. Thanx for visiting and commenting!
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 10:18 am |
Thanx desMoines! I will write 100 times "check the order on my lists".
It took me ages to create my 1st ever table, and that must of thrown me. Thanx for popping by and commenting!
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 11:41 am |
Hey funsmartfriendly, thanx! It's a good list but I am sure there are some good ones missing. As for the colours, you are the first ones who mentioned the schceme. Why sorry? What have you done?
Thanx for visiting and your comment!
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32404 posts 4/9/2017 12:31 pm |
the irish joke is a kick.
tbh, the lists were too long for me to read all of them, so I read the male side. there were a few I hadn't heard before. and I assume every culture has it's own derivatives.
You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 1:12 pm |
Quoting wickedeasy:
the irish joke is a kick.
tbh, the lists were too long for me to read all of them, so I read the male side. there were a few I hadn't heard before. and I assume every culture has it's own derivatives.
Hey wicked! I am sure there are many left out. As you say, every culture has it's own. And no I don't have a gold fish either!!!
Thanx for coming by and commenting!
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I AGREE
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4077 posts 4/10/2017 1:42 am |
Thanx for your comment.
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4077 posts 4/10/2017 2:28 am |
Thanx author! Hope you found some new funny ones. Smiles are free in here, and I can guess you feeling better today! Thanx for coming by and your comment!
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20051 posts 4/11/2017 4:18 pm |
This made me laugh!
hahahhahah
I'll tell it to my friends,
kk
The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming#39 April Topic Link: What Lies BeneathIf April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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4077 posts 4/11/2017 4:48 pm |
Quoting KItkat1415:
This made me laugh!
hahahhahah
I'll tell it to my friends,
kk
Hey kitkat! There are some funny ones on the list. Everytime I look at it I get a different favorite. Today they are Having Sex With Someone you Love, and Free Willy! Thanx for popping by and commenting!
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