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| Blogs > itzchic824 > The Voices Inside |
I should go into the night alone and get inside of the cyclone...
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I should go into the night alone and get inside of the cyclone... I think I should go and leave you alone, yeah. Stop this game and hang up the phone. And more. I should go into the night alone and get inside of the cyclone. It's like I wanted to break my bones to get over you. 'Cos if I stay I'm number two anyway. Like a<b> bullet </font></b>you can hurt me, take me, brake me. Like fire you can burn me, convert me. Like a<b> bullet </font></b>you can hurt me. I can't believe it when my friends say: Take it easy, don't you worry about the rainy days. Like fire you can burn me, convert me. Like a<b> bullet </font></b>you can hurt me. You say there are so many things going on in your life now. It's so very hard to find time for me. And you say: Do you believe in the destiny? This is the way it was meant to be. I gotta leave to make you see I'm over you. 'Cos if I stay I'm number two anyway. Like a<b> bullet </font></b>you can hurt me... Maybe I'm blind, forever young. Don't get me wrong, I don't belong here. Like fire you can burn me. Like a<b> bullet </font></b>you can hurt me Like a<b> bullet </font></b>you can hurt me... "Bullet" - The Rasmus I have a friend, we've been best friends since I was 8, I am almost 28. She was my sister, with her by my side life was great no matter what else was going on. I thought I could never live without her. Well when I was 20 we got in a huge fight and ended up not talking for almost 2 years. It was brutal. I learned to live without her. She found new friends and she kept dismissing my concerns that we weren't as we used to be and she was wrong. She's the one who actually got back in touch with me. At first I thought it could be how it used to be, but I was sorely wrong. We're still friends, but the girl I loved as my sister has been long gone. I don't fit in her crowd, which back then was druggies and probably cause I wasn't skinny and good enough to her friends. She swore she never did drugs but that's a lie. We will never be as we were, I've accepted that. I choose to take what I can get rather than have another huge fight and never have her in my life again. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any illusions. I know where I stand even though she says different. I can't say it's ok, but I have learned not to rely on her in my life. Last Christmas and my birthday she couldn't even get me a card. We used to buy loads of gifts for each other and I still did even when she said she didn't have the money. It's not really the gifts, it's the fact she would rather spend money on her druggie bf who won't get a job and has been in and out of jail and in for at least 6 months right now. He uses her so bad and hits and beats her. She takes it which she swore she'd never do. She also has never introduced me to him, but I think she knows I'd let him have it. Anyway, it's the fact she couldn't even get me a lousy $1 card for my birthday and Christmas. I'm sorry but she could've afforded that. She doesn't care about me. I've always been a better friend to most people than they are to me, it's my curse. I spend way more than I should and do way more than I should but it's just not in me to be vindictive to someone I love. I bought her gifts when I was in Tulsa for her bday this month. Out of habit mainly cause I swore I wasn't buying her anything again. But this is it. I hate to sound like a bitch but no more. I don't even think she appreciates it. It makes me sad when I remember how I meant as much to her as she did to me, but those days are gone. I thought ours was a friendship that was forever. Guess I was sorely wrong. Pic was from 2003 when everything was still great.  I sent an Angel to watch over you last night, it returned in a hurry. I asked why, it said "Angels can't watch porn." Thanks for fucking traumatizing my fucking Angel! Don't bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It's pointless! |
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For me, one thing about getting older that's unfortunate is losing contact with the friends I had in my teens and early 20's. Sometimes you just grow apart, it sounds like you moved on and matured.....and she went in a different direction.
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 That's a shame.... But people move at different rates and what worked a few years ago isn't what works now.... I doubt things could ever be the same again no matter what....you can't erase the past.... But even if none of that had happened you'd still be different people today than you were back then...  "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
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