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Poems post #17
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Poems post #17 Your Life Is So Screwed Up Your life is so screwed up. Your mind is so confused. You don't know what you want. You can't get back on track. You always give me excuses. Always come up with one thing after another. Leading people on again and again. Saying this lie and giving me a new line. What is wrong with you? Why do you act as you do? You keep fucking your life up more and more. Keep digging yourself deeper into your complicated hole. So sweet and amazing when we're alone. Such a jerk and macho man when we're not. Ignoring me like I mean nothing. Why do you have to be like this? Your life is so screwed up. Your mind is so confused. You don't know what you want. You can't get back on track. *copyright dec. 2005* ~~~~~ Words Are All I Have My heart is a jumble of emotions. My mind is a complicated mix of thoughts. I don't understand alot about you. I don't get what runs through your brain. I thought I could get over you. I thought I could stop caring. But everytime I'm near you. All I want is for you to feel the same as I do. Sometimes I think you do have emotions for me. Just the looks you give and how we are when we're alone. But then other times you seem like a total stranger. It's like you have a split personality. For awhile I fooled myself that I could move on. That I could get over the things you invoke inside me. For awhile I had both my brain and my heart believing. That I would be alright without you. But the yearning is always there. To be more than a close friend. Deep inside where it sleeps, waiting. Sizzling to life with just a touch of your skin. All I want is for you to understand how I care about you. For you to know that hurting you would be like hurting me That breaking your heart would shatter mine. It would make my eyes cry tears of blood. Just touching you while sitting next to each other. Brings me such immense comfort and peace. It feels so right when I'm in your prescence. I feel so complete around you, especially by ourselves. You're afraid of so many things. Chances are risks you're not willing to take. What could be such an amazing thing. You're just throwing it to the sky. But what runs through my mind constantly. Is if you're telling me the truth. Do you really like me like you say? Or is it all just a game you're playing? All you'd have to do is ask for my heart. I'd give it up to you before its next beat. I've been hurt horribly in my past. But to me the risk is worth to take. Words will never come close to how deep my feelings run. They could never make you understand what my heart dreams. But they're all I have to express everything inside. They're all I have to tell you what you do to me. But I'm afraid my heart will never feel whole. Maybe someday you will be able to believe. Just how much I do love you. Just how much you mean to me. *Copyright 2005* ~ * ~ Untrue 'Commitments' You say you want someone true. But the cheater is who you always choose. You say sex is not on your list for your someone. But the slut is who you always end up with. You say you want a long-term commitment. But it never lasts more than a few months. You say your other half is who you're searching for. But all you're coming up with are faithless whores. Perhaps that is what you deserve though. The ones who could care less. It's not like you treat them like gold anyway. All you want is someone with a car and money. Every 'relationship' of yours is a joke. They're all as similar as can be. You use them left and right. Then they cheat on you, end of story. You don't want what you say you do. You're not the guy you claim to be. Lies are all that pass your lips. What a jerk you really are inside. You stole my heart and soul. The romantic you claimed you were. Showed me a side of you that was all lies. Made me want you so much it hurt. Finally I see through your charming facade. Finally I see how you turned the truth upside down. I wanted who you pretended to be. I wanted my dream guy, not the real you. So I say to you, you can have your playing ways. You can have the untrue 'commitments' you crave. I'm done with your parade of games. I don't need the drama of your lies anymore. ` *copyright feb. 2006* ~ * ~ Emptiness It is growing inside me. Filling my being slowly. Ice through my veins. Freezing my heart. Creeping through my body. A black hole. An endless void. Stretching into eternity. Taking me over. Drowning my soul. I can't move anymore. It ceases movement. Paralyzing my emotions. It lacks pain. It makes you feel nothing. Pain would be something. Pain would let you know you're alive. It wants you to think you're dead. To give into it. It wants you to give up. I am nearing the end. I am slowly losing everything. The nothingness calls to me. Promising a cure from the hurt. Emptiness is so tempting, I can't resist much longer. *copyright feb. 2006* ~ * ~ The Seasons of Pain Drowning in my sorrows. Always living for tomorrows. A sharp knife is my best friend. A<b> bleeding </font></b>heart that will never mend. So empty in my soul. A being never whole. Love is frozen in the cold. I've never had someone to hold. I live in my dreams. All I have are my fantasies. Trying to escape reality. It's always chasing me. Why should I care? Into the void I stare. The pain is all that's real. Nothing else I can feel. My life, is there a reason? Winter is my only season. Sad I'll never feel the summer of love. Caught in the freezing snow from above. There is death in beauty. Of the blanket of white surrounding me. So tired, want to lay in it and sleep. Bury myself in the drifts, deep. Rain falls from my eyes. Wet on my cheeks, never dries. The well comes from my lonely heart. A long time ago it did start. Eventually fade into nothingness. What could save me is a kiss. From a man whose soul matches mine. Whose heart that for mine pines. He is not to be found. Blood from a gash on my arm falls to the ground. It's pretty, let's my pain fly away. Maybe my soul can be finally free today. Without the constraints of human pain. My heart no longer played as a game. Soaring into the oblivion of eternity. Wonderful to be gone and free. *copyright feb. 2006* I sent an Angel to watch over you last night, it returned in a hurry. I asked why, it said "Angels can't watch porn." Thanks for fucking traumatizing my fucking Angel! Don't bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It's pointless! |
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