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WAXING
WAXING This was a story sent to me that i related to so well i just had to share it. It's Sooooooo Ouch it's funny. How many of you can relate to this??? All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal . For example, The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the . I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. ! (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the , I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and RRIIP! P!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. WHAT?! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color...... |
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Ain't it Grand Sweet Pea, ain't it Grand ! I still wouldn't trade being a woman for quids!!! Kissu
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The first time i did it i went really well I layed on my bed pulled everything as tight as possible & RIIIIIP all good RIP, RIP, RIP All great. The next time, not so easy, the 3rd time forget it, too hot, not only did the hair come off but so did half the skin on one side OUCH!!!....i got half a strip pulled off & i could take no more. Seemed i got more sensitive each time, so unless i can get it done professionally i'm sticking to razors!!!
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That's one of the funniest stroies I've ever read Kizza, thank god it was daytime, you had me crying with laughter, the neighbours must wonder what the hell is going on!
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1/29/2007 6:57 am |
OMG!! I had to wait till I could stop laughing so I could type! That was too funny!! There are just some places that wax should NEVER be!!!
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1/29/2007 3:39 pm |
I know I shouldn't be laughing...but Kissu, SO funny. hope you have feeeling back real soon and go easy with the hair colouring babe....lol Smokey XXX
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OMG hugs, opal
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that was one of the best s im still lol as im typeing
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I have actually done a few waxes for people in my time as an extension to my makeup but it's WAY different when you are ripping strips off yourself I'd Sooooooo love to do a back sac n crack just once hehehe I did say in my comment to fussy if i can't afford to go to a professional i'll stick to the good old razor. Kissu
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That's one of the funniest stroies I've ever read Kizza, thank god it was daytime, you had me crying with laughter, the neighbours must wonder what the hell is going on! Glad you had a chuckle Kizza
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OMG!! I had to wait till I could stop laughing so I could type! That was too funny!! There are just some places that wax should NEVER be!!! I am a hair removal freak & i'm not even hairy, i just have a real thing about being smooth all over.... If there is a place wax shouldn't go i haven't found it, well other than the obvious I just can't bring myself to wax anymore..... But where there's a will there are other hair removal methods Kissu
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Glad you got a laugh out of it Sassy Darl. Hey i'm a razor supporter now Kissu
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H I can't believe you started something then stopped lol My 24 hour blocks have been fine thanks Hun.... I've been really busy. I'm feeling muscles where i thought i didn't have any lol It's called summer clean out! Hope all good with you too. Kissu
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I know I shouldn't be laughing...but Kissu, SO funny. hope you have feeeling back real soon and go easy with the hair colouring babe....lol Smokey XXX i got plenty of feeling Hun Glad you found it funny....Me too I got the hair thing sorted Kissu
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OMG hugs, opal Kissu
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that was one of the best s im still lol as im typeing Kissu
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Glad you shared the laughter Hun Kissu
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Kissu
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)I have read this many times and each time it makes me laugh....also each time it makes me thankful for my razor
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Nice to hear Don't 'they' say nobody likes a quiter? Kissu
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)I have read this many times and each time it makes me laugh....also each time it makes me thankful for my razor Amen to the razor!!! Kissu
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2/3/2007 4:55 pm |
Thanks Kissu, that was the best giggle I've had in ages! I have recovered enough to say that.... I don't think I can manage anything even remotely close, but if I do, I'll be sure to let you know. Hope your dignity has returned. Taste AND THE WINNER IS ~~~~ [post 2692868]
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Thanks Kissu, that was the best giggle I've had in ages! I have recovered enough to say that.... I don't think I can manage anything even remotely close, but if I do, I'll be sure to let you know. Hope your dignity has returned. Taste My Dignity is intact Kissu
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i've always loved that one! its priceless! i laugh so hard each time i hear it! lol!{=}lis ..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one?
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Yeah it cracked me up! Kissu
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K1, you make me giggle I'm so glad to hear all is smooth for you & believe me i have tried veet & a few other hair removel cream, although they certainly do work, it seems i only need to leave it on my skin for about two minutes to cause skin burn. I guess thats what somes from having very soft & sesitive skin. Oush does that skin burn hurt! K1
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