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Instructions for a houseboy
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Instructions for a houseboy Dear prospective houseboy, Are you gainfully employed? If not how do you support yourself? I expect you to keep yourself gainfully employed, however menial the task, when you are not with me. I have various daytime commitments. Neighbours might knock on the door. They would not be surprised to see a man doing housework or DIY. I would expect both of us to be fully dressed at times when others might call between 9 a.m. and 11 p.m. DINING OUT Should you wish, you may take me out to dinner Saturday or Tuesday or lunch Sunday, Monday, or Wednesday. Depending on your budget, pub lunch or set lunch or a grander romantic dinner in an Italian restaurant. TIMING How long are you prepared to act as houseboy before the novelty of doing housework wears off? One, two or three hours? With a break every hour / 90 minutes for coffee? Or longer? DIY Can you bleed radiators, and change light bulbs? How are your DIY skills? HOUSEWORK I presume you can do simple tasks such as: 1 Hoover, dust, and mop the kitchen floor. 2 Tidy papers, file bills, arrange books, and tidy cupboards of household equipment. 3 Hang up lady's clothes, colour-co-ordinated, fold a lady's underwear, and sort stockings. 4 Make coffee presented on a tray with co-ordinating china. Tea cups should have handles on the right. The tea spoon should be on the saucer with the spoon bowl at eleven and the handle at one o'clock. 5 Lay a table correctly: fork and spoon at the top of the plate, water and wine glasses to the right, plates with patterns so that horizontals are horizontal and any crest is at twelve o'clock. CLEAN & TIDY 6 You must be clean. If you bring your own tool box, the outside must be clean. Never place work tools on a clean bed! Always tidy up as you go. Dust and clean after yourself when doing a job. Put tools away neatly. FOOD, FRUIT & FLOWERS Can you also manage a simple omelette, a green salad, or a fruit salad, wash up, or make a microwave meal, cut garden flowers and arrange roses in a bowl, Or do I have to teach you everything? I expect you to work quickly but carefully. DRESS CODE You must remove your shoes at the door and wear slippers in the house. You may prefer to provide your own apron, plastic gloves of the right size and favourite cleaners. Otherwise I have a waterproof apron and Gif. You must dress neatly in a clean shirt and tie like a butler. Remember Guggenheim on the Titanic who changed into a dinner jacket to die like a gentleman and made his servant do the same. NAMES I would like you to give me two names - your name for when we are in public in a restaurant - when you are my escort. Another name for when you are in the house in role play. ROLES You must be able to come out of role play so I can discuss with you how we can improve the situation for mutual benefit. I also like to have an elegant agreeable meal out without having to plan every conversation like an actor. DRIVING Do you have a car and satnav? I expect a good chauffeur to arrive on time and to wear gloves CHAUFFEUR Please clean your car before arriving to see me. Your car and mine should be kept clean, inside and out. You may wish to wear a cap with a brim and driving gloves. All bits and pieces in the boot or the pockets or dashboard compartment. Purchases safely out of sight in the boot. Can you drive me to the supermarket and DIY store and carry the shopping? You should use your own satnav or learn how to use mine. If you wish to act as chauffeur whilst driving that's okay. The use of two names as a signal to how to respond would be helpful. INITIAL CONTACT & POSSIBLE PROGRESS Whether we progress beyond the initial meal to my letting you into my house, and whether role play progresses, depends on how we get on. If you wish to send me a phone number, I shall send you mine and we can communicate. Looking forward to hearing from you about how this suits you. Lady Chatterly - you know what I mean Do not expect to progress beyond platonic unless there is some chemistry. You must be able to hold a conversation. And move from woebegone and obedient to a mischievous grin. Lady E for role play aka 'E' to chat about role play Dear Readers - any comments? Anything advice to add? What are your experiences? What works? What doesn't?> 'Elizabeth'[   |
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