Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > hotdreamer1000 > While I was Dreaming |
Too Easy?
|
Too Easy? Following on from my previous post, hippiechick made another observation in her comments, in response to a comment from smartasswoman I think. Smarty says she thinks it is a good thing if someone loves easily, but hip said she is apprehensive about this - if a guy loves easily, then it could be anyone, she isn't special. This might be another example of two people meaning different things with the same words. I would say I love fairly easily, but it is absolutely NOT indiscriminate. If I love you, it is because of you, not because I was out there looking and you just happened to be available. One problem is that in the old fashioned world we grew up in, we were told that women wanted to be in love before they would have sex. Some people are willing to pretend love to get sex. Some people are prepared to pretend they want no strings sex, but then they get hurt because they fell in love. I have learned that I am likely to fall in love if I have sex, so I am careful about that. I notice I am always put off a profile which has a long list of deal breakers and must-have qualities describing the person they are looking for. In real life, I meet quite a few women who are visibly looking for a man to make their lives happier - I am fit, solvent and educated so for some I fit the bill. I can usually tell when a woman isn't really interested in me myself, but more what she thinks / hopes I am. That's a turn off as well as a red flag. I find that if I just get to know someone, even someone quite unlike what I would normally think I am drawn to, sometimes something clicks, and I want them. If I have an idea in my mind of what kind of person I am looking for, it is never quite matched. But a woman who loves easily? I love that! As long as she is choosing me because of something about me specifically which pushes the right buttons, then great. I don't want a woman who doesn't really like men, and is distrustful of them. Hell, of course I know that men, me included, sometimes treat women badly, and we can't then be surprised if they don't trust us! But we all have to rise above these setbacks. Dogs love you if you love dogs. We have all experienced that. Men are the same. |
|||
|
I'm not sure that last paragraph holds true McDream. Unrequited love is a painful experience, one that I've suffered a couple of times over the years. As the old song goes, love is a many-spleandoured thing......
| ||
|
I fall way too easily. Now I have learned that if a man really wants to be with me, the sex will come later. A lot of people think they are in love with a person just after having sex and it's not the same. I have fell for this myself. Love and Sex are two different things. When I love someone it's all the little things and I love with my whole heart. The Light is shinning and she is lonely and waiting in the darkness. 
| ||
|
I'm not sure that last paragraph holds true McDream. Unrequited love is a painful experience, one that I've suffered a couple of times over the years. As the old song goes, love is a many-spleandoured thing......
| ||
|
I'm not sure that last paragraph holds true McDream. Unrequited love is a painful experience, one that I've suffered a couple of times over the years. As the old song goes, love is a many-spleandoured thing......
| ||
|
I'm not with you Lindo - I didn't say unrequited love wasn't painful did I? It's horrible I agree. Or did you mean the last bit about dogs? I meant the thing you said about dogs. The implication I took from it was that dogs only love if they're loved, did I misconstrue that? And then what I meant was that I've loved people who didn't love me, so on that basis I didn't agree that men are the same as dogs with regard to love. Hopefully that makes more sense?
| ||
|
I fall way too easily. Now I have learned that if a man really wants to be with me, the sex will come later. A lot of people think they are in love with a person just after having sex and it's not the same. I have fell for this myself. Love and Sex are two different things. When I love someone it's all the little things and I love with my whole heart. But somehow, it doesn't work like that for me, and I think for a lot of other men. I don't necessarily need to have sex early on in a relationship, but somehow the type of woman who feels that the sex ought to have to wait doesn't make me drawn to being with her. It isn't that I would mind waiting. It is more that I like the kind of women who don't want to wait. But not because all I want is sex, or because I want someone who isn't really invested in the relationship...........Like I said, it isn't easy to explain, lol.
| ||
|
Ahh wait - I think I see what you meant. Well, I didn't mean that if someone loves you you will automatically love them back - and I suppose the dogs comment could be read like that. That isn't what I meant. I meant more that if you show you are scared of them, they pick up on it and that can bring out the aggressive defensive side of them....... 
| ||
|
Right, even though in my book it's a good thing if someone is capable of loving, it's not so good if they're being overly needy (latching on to the first person who displays some interest in return); or indiscriminate. I suppose it's a gray area as to when someone crosses over from being a person with an open heart, to being indiscriminate. Long ago when I was first out of a LT relationship, I decided that even though I had been hurt, I wasn't going to close myself off - that I would be open to whatever came my way. And that was OK for a few years, but after a some bad experiences the pendulum has swung and I'm much more cautious these days.   
| ||
|
Right, even though in my book it's a good thing if someone is capable of loving, it's not so good if they're being overly needy (latching on to the first person who displays some interest in return); or indiscriminate. I suppose it's a gray area as to when someone crosses over from being a person with an open heart, to being indiscriminate. Long ago when I was first out of a LT relationship, I decided that even though I had been hurt, I wasn't going to close myself off - that I would be open to whatever came my way. And that was OK for a few years, but after a some bad experiences the pendulum has swung and I'm much more cautious these days. I think open but cautious is a good balance!
| ||
|
Look at you folks talking nice like grownups.  When I got divorced, I engaged in some random hit-and-run sex. I felt like I needed to do that to keep the feelings to a minimum. When that got old, I settled into a relationship here and there. I kept my heart open to the possibility of love but it hasn't come up yet. I think my persona puts men off at times.  Elevate me... 
| ||
|
Look at you folks talking nice like grownups. When I got divorced, I engaged in some random hit-and-run sex. I felt like I needed to do that to keep the feelings to a minimum. When that got old, I settled into a relationship here and there. I kept my heart open to the possibility of love but it hasn't come up yet. I think my persona puts men off at times.
| ||
|
yes, they meant different things
| ||
|
What part of your persona is that Hip?  Elevate me...
| ||
|
The tough, don't fuck with me or I'll kick your ass vibe I give off.
| ||
|
Thanks Flannel, but I don't completely agree with you. I want to agree, and it is quite hard to explain why I disagree, because you are right - if a man really wants a relationship with you, the sex can wait. But somehow, it doesn't work like that for me, and I think for a lot of other men. I don't necessarily need to have sex early on in a relationship, but somehow the type of woman who feels that the sex ought to have to wait doesn't make me drawn to being with her. It isn't that I would mind waiting. It is more that I like the kind of women who don't want to wait. But not because all I want is sex, or because I want someone who isn't really invested in the relationship...........Like I said, it isn't easy to explain, lol. It's like --- there's value in waiting -- but --- oh - i can totally picture this kind of woman that would turn you off! Let me see -- if i was a fly on the wall, watching her and this man -- then i'd feel like she's likely to be the kind of person who uses sex to get what she wants. So -- she's waiting till the price is right, to say yes to sex. It's transactional sex, that's the turn off. She's not truly interested in the man, she's interested in what she can get from him, and she assumes, he's trying to get sex from her, and not truly interested in her. it's a bit of a balancing game -- because she might be right, but, if she never gets to the place where she can trust a man Before he wants to be in a relationship, then she'll never get there afterwards either! And if she can't trust him before he expresses a desire to be in a relationship, why should he even want to be in a relationship with her? I wouldn't even want to be friends with someone i don't trust, much less a relationship!  ok. so how did i do? Did i read your mind like you read mine?!   omg! i can't believe you have 5 posts up and i didn't see any of them! i'm sorry i haven't been around!!! --Author Unknown
| ||
|
OMG!! DREAMER!!! i know exactly what you mean!! I'm not sure how i know, but i know EXACTLY what you're thinking!!!!! It's like --- there's value in waiting -- but --- oh - i can totally picture this kind of woman that would turn you off! Let me see -- if i was a fly on the wall, watching her and this man -- then i'd feel like she's likely to be the kind of person who uses sex to get what she wants. So -- she's waiting till the price is right, to say yes to sex. It's transactional sex, that's the turn off. She's not truly interested in the man, she's interested in what she can get from him, and she assumes, he's trying to get sex from her, and not truly interested in her. it's a bit of a balancing game -- because she might be right, but, if she never gets to the place where she can trust a man Before he wants to be in a relationship, then she'll never get there afterwards either! And if she can't trust him before he expresses a desire to be in a relationship, why should he even want to be in a relationship with her? I wouldn't even want to be friends with someone i don't trust, much less a relationship! ok. so how did i do? Did i read your mind like you read mine?! omg! i can't believe you have 5 posts up and i didn't see any of them! i'm sorry i haven't been around!!!
| ||
|
You 100% perfectly read my mind, and put into words the woman's eye view of exactly what I was trying to say V. But then of course you are a wannabe slut, so I knew you would get it. ROFL --Author Unknown
| ||
|
Your response warmed my heart!! it's making me turn into a squiggly worm! ROFL
| ||
|
My favourite wormwoman! thankyou, Fisherman!!!  --Author Unknown
|
Become a member to create a blog
