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Blogs > hotdreamer1000 > While I was Dreaming

Unlikely Things Can Happen  

hotdreamer1000 64M
8668 posts
3/26/2013 5:01 pm

Last Read:
4/4/2013 12:39 pm
Unlikely Things Can Happen

So here's the thing. We all know that I have this weird situation that I allow to continue 'cos I can't see how to change it for the better, and that it has lead to me not having sex for a very long time. Sometimes I am very frustrated, sometimes I forget about sex and decide it doesn't really matter. (You don't see so much of me when I feel like that, lol. And other times I am happily fantasizing away about someone who has caught my eye, and other times I nearly get caught up in letting something become real.

Part of me doesn't want anything to change, and another side of me really wants something to happen. That's the side of me that regrets not taking advantage of Gothic Girl when I had the chance. Sometime soon I will write up my Midnight Visitor fantasy for you, and you should know that with a couple of exceptions (who may or may not be reading this blog right now, ) when I think about getting a midnight visitor, it is usually her.

The dangerous thing about thinking about GG is that it reminds me that what started out as a completely impossible fantasy, very very nearly actually happened. Would have happened if I had let it. It reminds me that if you try to make something happen, however unlikely it seems, sometimes, amazingly, it does.

Well, last year I met another young woman, we'll call her the Student for now - until I think of a better nickname - because she is one. I really like this girl, and although I find it hard to convince myself that she could be interested in me, something about the way she responds to me makes me think she may well be. I saw her again tonight. We were at a.....well, I can't say exactly where, but a regular local event which she sometimes attends when she is staying at her parents place. The thing is, we have a lot in common. She is studying something I know quite a lot about, and she asks me questions, and we chat about other things too. I like her, and she also turns me on.

Last year a fantasy began in my mind about how it would be if we were alone together and she admitted liking me. I was hooked on the fantasy for a few weeks, but then I didn't see her again for six months, until tonight, so the idea drifted away. Now it is back, waiting to be let loose when I log off this blog and lie down and close my eyes. She was obviously pleased to see me, and we talked quite a lot. But, it would upset an awful lot of people, many of whom are friends of mine, if either I tried it on and she was offended, or even, in the amazingly unlikely event that she was interested in me sexually, if something happened and people found out about it. Plus, I do like this girl. So if something happened, it would unquestionably mess up my life, and it might well mess up hers a bit too, which I wouldn't want. But if I don't make any running at all, I will prbably see her two or three times a year at most, and only in the company of loads of other people.

I guess I am not going to do anything but fantasize about this. Because I don't want to go where it would lead. And I don't think she is the type who would make the running over this, even if she knew for a second I fancied her. In a way I like having this feeling. But it is safer when it is a film star, or someone on the blogs hundreds, or even thousands of miles away, and where the agenda is so much less complicated. So in another way I hate having this feeling too. I wish I had something equally sexy, but safer going on to distract me from this, but at the moment I don't.

But I guess it is always like that when you want something you can't have. You just have to live with it.

zandigal 59F
13016 posts
3/26/2013 9:05 pm

 "But I guess it is always like that when you want something you can't have. You just have to live with it."

you just made me realize something... I don't want to live with it any longer.
Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit
~Rumi

..


marysia4u 68F
15417 posts
3/26/2013 11:34 pm

 I guess there are a few of us that have something/one we can't have.

I have had strong feelings for someone who was on here, but lives in another country, so I just have to fantasize about him.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
3/27/2013 3:44 am
    Quoting  :
Lol, this is a very sweet and kind comment Shy, even if it "did nothing to help," lol. The thing is, I have already learned (much to to my surprise ) that I can still be very attractive to younger women, and I am very tempted to take advantage of that, with your suggested "nothing ventured nothing gained" attitude. However, I am slightly concerned that in this case "be careful what you wish for" might be a better motto!

I was continuing to reply, but it got too long so it will have to form the basis of my next post instead - thanks!


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
3/27/2013 3:47 am
    Quoting zandigal:
    "But I guess it is always like that when you want something you can't have. You just have to live with it."

    you just made me realize something... I don't want to live with it any longer.
It all depends on the strength of the "can't have" doesn't it? In my case it isn't so much a can't as a really shouldn't. I could have, but I prefer not to risk it. Most of the time, lol. Maybe you have an opportunity not to go on accepting the "can't have?"


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
3/27/2013 3:50 am
    Quoting marysia4u:
    I guess there are a few of us that have something/one we can't have.

    I have had strong feelings for someone who was on here, but lives in another country, so I just have to fantasize about him.

Can't you try a kind of phone sex-and-skyping kind of vitual affair with him? (You probably know that I have done this, and contrary to what some people might think, it was actually very fulfilling. )


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
3/27/2013 3:55 am
    Quoting  :
I suppose it might seem fun for a while. As I said previously on my blog, "I wish I could have had another life in which to be a ruthless slut-fucker." But as I only have one, I don't want to be that person. If I was, then it would mean I was the sort of person who takes what they want without a second thought for the people they hurt. Actually, in real life, what means more to me than anything, is being loved and appreciated by the people I care about, so it might be counter productive to be that kind of person. Hence my constant dilemma!


tigger678902 57F  
4545 posts
3/27/2013 4:32 pm

 hmmmm lusting from afar, never taking the chance, your choice, not the one I would make, but then I've plenty of bumps to show for jumping off of and into things,...I'm still jumping though
Good girls go to heaven,....Bad girls go EVERYWHERE!
I love to travel

Come visit my blog tigger678902


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
3/27/2013 5:28 pm
    Quoting tigger678902:
    hmmmm lusting from afar, never taking the chance, your choice, not the one I would make, but then I've plenty of bumps to show for jumping off of and into things,...I'm still jumping though
My willingness to take that chance is stronger than most - "never" is a word which does not accurately describe my mind set in this context. My problem is that I am also acutely aware of the possible consequences, and I try to rein in my willingness to just say "what the hell" and go for it.


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