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The problem with making love to gremlins
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The problem with making love to gremlins The other day someone asked me what my favorite Christmas movie is and I said Scrooged because it is my favorite Christmas movie but coming in a close second is Gremlins (Die Hard is third) . That movie was pretty hardcore when you were a , in fact along with Temple of Doom it's one of the reasons they invented the PG-13 rating . But when you get a little older naturally your attitude towards the gremlins changes a little . At a certain point you want to get busy with a gremlin . And why wouldn't you ? They've got confidence , style , class , they're not afraid to rough up Zach Galligan , and they love to party - what's not to like ? But there's a real problem with making sweet , sweet gremlin love that I realized today . You and your gremlin lady and laying on a polar bearskin run in front of a roaring fire , you got Peter Gabriel playing on your sweet , sweet sound system and things are going great . And then WHAM !!! Suddenly more gremlins start literally popping out of that sweet , sweet gremlin vag . You can't get gremlins wet . You know what happens when they get wet . "So" you scoff " a straight lady or a gay man , there's going to be no gremlin vag in my fantasy - I just want that gremlin dick yo ." Okay bigshot imagine you're going down on a handsome strapping gremlin - your saliva on his junk ? WHAM !!! Gremlins popping off in your mouth !!! So fine you're a selfish lover and you don't bother going down on your gremlin fuckbuddy - what do you think happens when he inserts himself in you ? Unless you're into dry boning things aren't going to work out . It's sad . Related topic , say you hate gremlins and to make sure there won't be anymore of them you want to kill Gizmo . If you take at him with an ax is that going to create more mogwis ? You know because of the blood ? Does that count as getting them "wet" ? To be on the safe side you should probably strangle . Although there's no reason to believe he's the only mogwi out there . In the movie did any of the gremlins get "wet" with blood ? I know the mom ground one up in the blender and another got microwaved but was there blood ? I haven't seen that movie in decades . I should rewatch it and settle his blood debate . You know what would be a good cross over - Gremlins and Aliens . I'd like to start a comic about a gentleman porcupine from another world where animals are anthropomorphized . Please draw me a porcupine-man in a fancy suit . Here's a shockingly nude porcupine man to help you get started .  When I was a my least favorite thing about the holidays (not a fan in general) was when my grandma would make us all stand up and say what were were thankful for . Being an ungrateful jerk who also doesn't like humoring people this was tough for me . But here's something to think about tomorrow . People have always been mildly obsessed withe end of the world apocalyptic visions . But the reality is that there's probably not a cataclysm that would end us as a species . Throughout human history there's a plague , a famine , a war that causes plague and famine - all kinds of bad shit . And what occurs afterwards is interesting . Consider the Toba event . Sometime within the last 100,000 a volcanic eruption killed most humans . The worldwide population dwindled to about the number of Charger fans . And now , not that long afterwards in historical terms , there's billions upon billions of humans and we're about to land a spacecraft on Mars . This is the legacy of humanity and we don't take enough time to appreciate it . Apocalyptic media presents a world where the instant the wifi goes out people revert to a man-against-man Purge-style orgy of violence and destruction where people tear each other to pieces even as they die of an alien virus or run from zombies . But in our real history this has happened . Many times . Left without government or laws or trade or anything that we "" to survive what happens is not people tearing each other apart but cooperation . When everything crumbles we rebuild it . I mentioned to my buddy Lickem Aid the other day that a good horror movie would be a world overrun by zombies who have to deal with an outbreak of the living . Imagine these poor bastards having to deal with us - faster , smarter , capable of organization and strategy , able to build tools that would appear as nothing short of magic to their rotting brains . Imagine the horror the zombies would experience upon being confronted with firearms - the living just point at you and you die ! Not to mention nuclear weapons . It doesn't matter if you believe in vampires or werewolves or the booger man or what have you - because even if they were real they wouldn't stand a chance . We as people have always been much greater than our parts . A person , standing at line in a convenience store at 2 AM reeking of cheap beer and ditchweed , or a sweatpants wearing mega bitch wailing on someone at a Black Friday sale may not appear to be anything special . But our combined efforts have left everything else in the dust . Confused and violent primates we may be but we have split the atom and peer across the universe . In the blink of an eye we have acquired the power of gods . Many centuries from now a couple will be strolling down the streets of Alpha Centauri colony in their shiny future clothes and they'll see some YOUNG PERSON wearing the wrong kind of shiny future clothes and puking in an ally outside of a robo-bar and they're shake their heads and cluck their tongues and say in a pidgin of English-Chinese-Russian that the human race is going down the tubes and that we're a ridiculous doomed species that will never be able to accomplish anything . And they'll believe it just as people believe it now because the wonderful , terrible , fearsome truth of our power is almost too much to comprehend . Long may it be so Happy Thanksgiving ! Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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The phrase "A licky boom-boom down" comes from the song "Informer" by Snow , from the album 12 Inches of Snow . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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11/21/2018 7:25 pm |
heard a lot about the movie and seen a lot of people go apeshit over the toys never understood why till now how much I didn't miss seeing the movie and talking to people who were fucked up over them..wow worst 4 seconds of my life ..lol
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I am not sure if this post is totally epic or insane. It is interesting to say the least.
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There's moisture in the air so shouldn't that count. Hollywood just doesn't think things through enough or they know that most of us are too stupid or lazy to do so. About the end of the world, things are never so bad that they can't get worse. Please don't let me be misunderstood.
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