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Paladins can't use the helm of disintegration !
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Paladins can't use the helm of disintegration ! When I initially joined Senior Sizzle back in the 90s the first few times I was interacting with a lady I had similar experiences . I would mention that I wasn't very experienced and they would say something along the lines of "Oh you don't need a sex partner you need a teacher" which I always found moderately off-putting . Now , lo these many years later , I understand that that's like a shtick people do around here but at the time examining it without the lenses of Senior Sizzle behavior it struck me as patronizing and boastful . I've never tried to date men (yet) so maybe it's the same thing (or worse) but there's a significant minority of women who present themselves as being the final authority on all things sexual . Not a fan . Back in these days before I started blogging I had the tendency to play things pretty close to the vest (chest ? ) . Now obviously I vomit up all the stupid details of my boring life all the time but back then it was rare that I would interact with someone enough to really open up . But when I did in those early days I would usually run afoul of another sexy trap . They'd ask me what I liked to do for fun (boring question BTW) and I'd saying that I was into roleplaying and they'd get SUPER excited for a moment before I remembered what that meant to Senior Sizzle type people and explain that I meant like Dungeons and Dragons not schoolmarm bedroom hijinks . Which was a double kick the pussy for them because not only was I not into the (mildly) freaky sex thing they want to do but also they found out I was a nerd . It was like that that time I went to the mall to meet Lorenzo Lamas and not only was he not there as promised Stephanie Milligan kicked me in the kick from behind because she thought I was Michael Birch and then when she realized she had ball-kicked the wrong person she didn't even apologize . Anyway , I've been asked to participate in roleplaying (the sexy kind) and I've never been able to do it because it seems so silly to me . And I'm the kind of jerk who won't do stuff they're not into which is why I'm still single . It's not really that big of a deal right ? I should just go along with it because it's a miracle I'm getting laid in the first place . Remember that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Debra wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with roleplaying ? Of course not . The punchline is when the titular Raymond was all into it she said that the problem was after the roleplaying was over the sex was the same - IE lame . Seems like that's how it would go down to me . Although that would be funny if a woman was like "Okay let's roleplay , you be a guy who's into foreplay and isn't a premature ejaculator and I'll just be me ." Classic . Also you know what would be funny ? These couples want to swing and couple B is super pumped , but then couple A wants to roleplay and it turns into a terrible improv session . And then the tagline to the whole thing is couple B taking an improv class so they can score . Don't get me wrong , if I had a Superman costume I would totally wear it to bang but I wouldn't be pretending I was Superman or the lady with whom I was smashing was Maxima - I'd just be wearing an awesome costume while I was getting it on . Are people really into roleplay or is it more of a thing you do just for giggles ? Cosmo says you should have some roleplay ideas ready to go at a moment's notice . But thankfully for us all they have some suggestions ; Boss/employee - I like this one because I assume you both just start fighting about who gets to be the boss and you end up not having sex at all . They suggest doing it on a desk for extra realism . Master/Mistress and Maid/Butler - Technically this is the same thing as above . Get your shit together Cosmo . I'm starting to see a pattern here , roleplay means one person is in charge of the other and abusing their power . That's cool right ? Inappropriate masseuse - Is this roleplaying ? I guess if you pretend like it was just supposed to be a massage it is . Sexy alien - This one is fantastic . Cosmo suggests that one of your pretend to be from another planet and not know anything about human sexuality so they other one has to explain everything to them - like what a penis is and why it gets hard . That sounds 100% anti-sexy and I suggest everyone try it immediately . Total strangers - Aren't we all really strangers when you think about it ? Also I liked the movie the Strangers , but should I see the sequel ? I mean it's going to be the same dang thing . Doctor/patient - I guess I should have stolen that gown from the doctor's office to sex funtimes . Rural rompers - This is just pretending your countryfolk I guess ? Cosmo isn't really clear on this one . I guess if you really are countryfolk you're out of luck . Cherry-popping - Pretending you're a virgin ? My initial thought was "ick" but if you don't pretend you're younger I'm all for it . Because then you need to come up with a backstory as to why you're a virgin at such an advanced age . Mine is that shark bit my testicles off and I just got a testicle transplant . SEX-Y !!! Yoga teacher - Don't we all dream of being felt up by a yoga teacher ? King and queen - I assume this means you put on Burger King crowns before you do it . Approved . Oh Cosmo , you're an endless supply of sexual advice to mock . I thank you . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I miss you Karen , we should hook up . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Probably the only one of those I could handle with any aplomb would be inappropriate masseuse. I suck at roleplaying, which is kind of funny since some of the other stuff I like is mildly out there. But you're reminding me that once upon a time I wrote a humorous/erotic blog post about getting probed by an alien (in a good way nudge nudge wink wink). I might have to try to go find that amongst my thousand posts.   
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I suck. at role play ....not the good kind of sucking, either. But I like the idea of being costmed yet still myself. Now that I have an awesome lucha libra mask I could try that. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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god, i'm still laughing. i remember this one guy gave me a wig to put on - now as a 65 YO women with gray hair, a red wig is a sure sign he's looking for a younger chickaroo. it looked ridiculous with my skin but i swagger in all Lucille Ball like and the terror on his face had me in hysterics. nope, not much into role playing. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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Here you go! Luckily I put a link in my Index post once upon a time. I Can't Believe And I'm empathizing with wickedeasy and the wig. Once upon a time a guy had me put on a wig with long black hair (think Cher, or Cleopatra) and when I saw the pictures I was horrified because it looked like my dad crossdressing.
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