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Tactical Interceptor Team Squad
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Tactical Interceptor Team Squad Twitter is going crazy right now because someone put up a poll "Who can get it ?" and it was Kirk against Riker . And Riker won handily , 70% to 30% . Which is shocking . Riker was really only a hound-in the first season , after that he was mooning over Troi most of the time . Or falling in love with genderless aliens or holograms or whatever the fuck . But I think it kind of makes sense as blasphemous as it may seem . Riker was more of an affable Lothario , he was just kind of down for whatever . If you wanted to bang great , if not that's great too . Whereas Kirk was more aggressive . Kirk is kind of like the old James Bond (but not nearly as bad) when viewed through modern eyes you're a little creeped out . Like if Kirk wanted to fuck he was going to get it you know ? I don't think there's any argument though that Riker would be the better wingman . Also check this shit out , I feel like Star Trek implied that Vulcans only hump once ever 7 years during the Pon Farh as part of their whole controlling their emotions thing . But it's not the case at all . Pon Farh is when they HAVE to bang to keep their race going but the rest of the time they sex it up all they want . If something is great we say it's "the tits" . When something is cratering on us hard we say it's going "tits up" . When someone is totally horking the porpoise we say "cool your tits" . How can we reconcile this ? I mean obviously everyone loves tits as we learned from that episode of Mythbusters where Kari strapped on the giant fake boobs and worked as a barista . I'd still like an explanation of that , why do straight women treat boobarella so much better than flatty mcFlaterson ? Actually I've just solved it , if you're a flat chested woman you look more like a man and women hate men , ipso facto . The point is that tits up for sure sounds like a good thing . I mean tits down ? That either means sagging and or like down against the ground - neither of which sounds great . So what's the origin of something going "tits up" ? The answer , as it often does , comes from the British Royal Air Force . It seems that back in the day when your altitude indicators went all wonky on you they would turn upside down , thereby displaying an inverted 'W' resembling a pair of breasts ( you know if you're in the armed forces and you haven't seen real tits for a while) . Which lead to the "technical term" TITSUP : Total Inability To Support Usual Performance . You may be saying to yourself isn't an inverted "W" an "M" ? No , not it is not . My dick went tits up for a minute this weekend but then it normalized . Remember that time on Star Trek they said "you know what was great ? When the chicks wore miniskirts ?" and then someone else said "we can't do that it's sexist" and they were decided it was fine as long as they made the dude's wear skirts also ? I do  Speaking of my dick Monday night as I was getting ready for bed I had an inexplicable erection . Normally I'm content to ignore unsolicited hard-ons (when's the last time anyone said hard on ? I have such a hard on for you baby . Sounds awful ) but I decided this time why not indulge it ? I didn't have to work the next day so why not take a little time for myself ? I had turned off my PC and I didn't want to mess with turning it back on so I went OLD school and got out one of the porn DVDs I think about throwing away all the time . Eventually though I forgot all about masturbating because the blowjob sequence went on seemingly forever . "Mainstream" porn usually has a pretty standard cadence - 3 seconds of kissing (or tongue mashing really) a couple minutes of dick sucking (very occasionally some lady oral) and then a bunch of mechanical jackhammering action followed by cum on face . So after five minutes of blowing and no end in sight I forgot about my junk and became intrigued on how long this was going to go on . The answer ? TWENTY TWO MINUTES . That is literally insane . How did this happen ? And why ? Like did the director wander off to get a sandwich and just said "yeah , yeah , keep doing that until I get back" ? What about the editor ? Is there an editor in porn ? There has to be right ? And it's not like the scene was a blowjob to "completion" after that they moved on to the normal porn SOP , the PSOP if you will . Oh , you won't ? Fine . I'm dying to know what the deal was . But alas I never shall . What's the longest you've given or received a blowjob ? A friend of mine claims , as part of complaining about how once you're married sex becomes routine and uninteresting , that he fell asleep during a blowjob and woke up an hour later and she was still going at it . I don't really believe it though . While we're on the subject of dicks in general I went to see Kyle Kinane and Sean Jordan do comedy last night (great show sidenote) and Mr. Jordan had a bit about when he first lost his virginity the gist of which was he was discussing putting on the condom 6 hours before the sex was supposed to happen . It was a funny bit regardless but it especially resonated with me because I had that conversation . When I was a youth my friend was the first in my circle who were going to do "it" and he asked me when he should put the condom on "should I put it on now ?" he asked HOURS before he was meeting his GF . The real question is why he was asking me . I was definitely the least knowledgeable about that kind of thing amongst my peers . In the end he decided to put it on then and I have wondered subsequently did he somehow manage to get a condom to stay on his flaccid wingus or was he , as a about to get laid for the first time , erect the entire time after that ? I feel like it could be the latter . As you'll remember hearing him tell me about sex the next day is part of the reason why I was never interested in sex until after college . The jury is kind of still out on how interested I am in it now . Point is if you haven't seen that clip of Kyle Kinane and Nikki Glaser feeding lines to porn stars during a scene you need to watch it . I wonder what they (the porn company) did with that footage . Did they do it just for that comedy bit ? Or did they ADR it later ? Or is there porn out there with insanely inappropriate dialog ? I'd like to believe the last thing but probably not . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Taints out and tits up Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Speaking of arcane wartime expressions, today I learned that when pilots yelled "Mayday! Mayday!" it was because "M'aidez" is French for "help me". Or at least, that's what it said in the Handmaid's Tale. It was a strange digression that didn't seem to have much to do with the story.   
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Next time I'm in a science experiment mood while giving a blowjob, I'll be sure to set a timer. Otherwise, all I can tell you from experience ...... it can be the longest two minutes of my life! Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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