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The Pleasure Prison of the B’thuvian Demon
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The Pleasure Prison of the B’thuvian Demon Lesson learned today - when someone says to you "I think I might have a drinking problem" you should not say "that would explain a lot" . I was having a regular old boring day until my sister called to tell me to go over to her house because the cops had called her because someone was trying to break into her house . I had to put on PANTS !!! My entire night is ruined . I assumed she had left the door open as she does about 50% of the time when she's gone and someone had just walked in but instead the door was all banged up - one of the neighbors said someone was trying to try the door open with a crowbar . I assume he looked into the window at her gross hoarder nest and decided it wasn't worth it . I was just bragging to my friend who lives in a crime-ridden megalopolis about how there's no crime here so I knew something was going to happen - just glad it didn't happen to me . And then when I was driving home I saw an adult woman with a lemonade stand .  Honestly , what the hell ? Have we as a society not decided that's something only should do ? And even that is somewhat wonky these days right ? The only thing I can figure is that it was a thinly veiled front for . You see buying the lemonade nice and legal right - the blowjob is recreational . Honest officer . I miss lemonade . A lot . More than blowjobs if we're being honest . Lemonade was my drink of choice . Say what you want about the Cheesecake Factory but they have the best lemonade . I mostly used to judge restaurants by the quality of their lemonade - if you're going out to eat the food is probably going to be fine but the lemonade quality varies WILDLY . There's a BBQ place in town I love but they have the shittiest watery Countrytime bullshit lemonade around . It's a crying shame . Lemonade and BBQ go together like college recruits and hookers . Speaking of I made an offer on a house today and the seller made a counter-offer that was 10 grand more and I says to her I says "No way I went all in my with initial offer" and she offers me sex to make the deal . Which is crazy . I mean she was attractive and all but what she was saying is that having sex with her is worth 10 grand PLUS 4.5% interest over 30 years . Not<b> bloody </font></b>gonna happen lady . has never made sense to me - it's too dang expensive . Is that's because it's illegal ? It has to be right ? Like a black market kidney is 75 grand but that's because it's super illegal - if you could sell your kidneys they'd be like 50 bucks a pop right ? Consider this here in the wealthiest city in the galaxy - Des Moines IA - the standard transaction is a C-note flop and slop , which is of course 100 dollars AMERICAN for some dick sucking and a bang . This is the same cost as a 60 minute hot stone massage . What kind of mutant animal would choose anonymous stranger sex over a sweet , sweet massage ? It makes no sense .  I mean think about it - you can get sex for free is you apply yourself , when's the last time you got a free massage ? POINT MADE . My Brazzers membership has run out and I realized that it's been more than a month since I've masturbated . I've decided to see how long I can keep that going . Probably a couple months easy . I've been surprised by the number of women I've met who say they masturbate every day or close to it - but then again most of them I've met here so that's probably not a representative sample eh ? There's a learning process that moviegoers go through . They begin in childhood without sophistication or much taste and , for example , like "Gamera'' more than "Air Force One" because flying turtles are obviously more entertaining than United States presidents . Then they grow older and develop "taste'' and prefer "Air Force One" which is better made and has big stars and a more plausible plot . (Isn't it more believable , after all , that the president could single-handedly wipe out a planeload of terrorists than that a giant turtle could spit gobs of flame ? ) Then , if you're lucky you continue to grow older and wiser , and you complete the circle and return to "Gamera'' again , realizing that while both movies are preposterous , the turtle movie has the charm of utter goofiness - and in an age of flawless special effects , it is somehow more fun to watch flawed ones . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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It is 1875 and Count Dracula is President of the United States of America . In the wake of the Civil War , with the country struggling to regain its balance , Dracula seized power . The Count's thralls assassinated President Lincoln and his entire administration in a single night and in the ensuing chaos , their master made his move . Dominating the Senate , he declared himself President-for-Life and now rules the Union with fear and an iron fist . His vampiric progeny , the Coven of the Red Hand , infest every strata of society and enforce Dracula's will with ruthless efficiency . Drawn by the shadows gathering across the nation , secretive cults and evil creatures emerge from their lairs to thrive in the darkness of the new regime . What do you do ? Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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1. Your first sentence made me laugh out loud. Actually. For real. 2. Had a free massage December 2012. 3. If Dracula has been president since 1860, I probably wouldn't even exist. Mortals would've all been eaten before the Great War. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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I think if you're a female, it's pretty easy to get a free massage but they're usually of poor quality and the masseur is sort of expecting you to put out...so back to the concept of thinly veiled quid pro quo I guess. I'm with you though, if I had the choice of spending $100 bucks on shitty prostitute sex vs. a hot stone massage, for sure I'd go for the massage.   
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Send in Harrison Ford, he'll fix the situation. Vive La Difference
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Not many things beat a good quality lemonade. But a cold lemonade and a blowjob? Okay, maybe not worth 100 bucks, but I'd be interested. 
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I had a lemonade from a little girl, accompanied by her dad last week. only 50 cents. raising money for a clean water project in Africa for her class at school. i was walking my dog so had to go home and get money. told me all about the project. very cool. i studied massage and polarity...so i do a lot of free massages for trades. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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